Twins Video
THE AMERICAN LEAGUE
NEW YORK YANKEES: If you can pull yourself away from cheering for the Cowboys, the Lakers, and Notre Dame, this is your team. Also, you are the devil. I hope they break into every Aaron Judge at-bat to show highlights of preseason NHL games. On the plus side, the longer they’re in the playoffs that’s less time for Josh Donaldson to dedicate to his first love (racism).
CLEVELAND GUARDIANS: There are those who say, “Well, if the Twins can’t win, I hope the AL Central winner does.” These are the people who fall for every Facebook multi-level marketing scam. They have a garage full of LulaRoe tights. Don’t listen to them.
SEATTLE MARINERS: No one deserves to win a World Series. The ideal outcome to this year’s playoffs would be for all 12 participants to get a teamwide case of mono and the league declaring Minnesota the champion since they’re healthy and have kind eyes. Some blowhards might say this title would have an asterisk but it would still be 100x more legit than any title won during the color barrier era so I’ll see you all on the parade route.
ANYWAY, since this likely won’t happen, Seattle seems cool. They probably should have won one when they won a thousand games in 2001. You can root for them, sure. My American League pick.
TAMPA BAY RAYS: Until they re-rebrand as the Devil Rays, I can’t in good conscience advise cheering for this team. Which is a bummer, because their goofy, awful stadium reminds me of the Metrodome, a goofy, incredible stadium.
TORONTO BLUE JAYS: They already have Ruffles All-Dressed chips. They need nothing else from us.
HOUSTON ASTROS: No.
THE NATIONAL LEAGUE
PHILADELPHIA PHILLIES: This city’s sports fans are true criminals and hooligans yet achieve a level of dirtbag grace that other metro areas can only hope to attain. That said, the Eagles just won a Super Bowl and look great again. They don’t need our help.
SAN DIEGO PADRES: I honestly quit paying attention when Fernando Tatis, Jr. got suspended. Remember when their uniforms were yellow and brown?
ST. LOUIS CARDINALS: See HOUSTON ASTROS
LOS ANGELES DODGERS: If you care whether they win or lose you’re more invested than their fans are.
ATLANTA BRAVES: They have both Eddie Rosario and future MVP Robbie Grossman, god bless them both. However, they also have the racist chant and Ron Gant was out and sucks to be you, Lonnie Smith. Worst franchise in sports. Walk into the ocean, bozos.
NEW YORK METS: They won a World Series with the entire team out of their minds on cocaine and beat Boston, the most insufferable sports city in America, to do it. They have Ed Escobar, one of the greatest Twins of all time. I hope they win every game 17-2 and they build a statue of Ed. THIS IS YOUR TEAM, MINNESOTA. LOVE THEM LIKE ED LOVES YOU.
MORE FROM TWINS DAILY
— Latest Twins coverage from our writers
— Recent Twins discussion in our forums
— Follow Twins Daily via Twitter, Facebook or email
— Become a Twins Daily Caretaker
- mikelink45, Game7-91, TwinsAce and 1 other
-
4
Recommended Comments
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.