We Shall Win in Minnesota

June 14th, 2016

 

From the moment the Twins' defense was broken in the second week of May, only a rapid retreat to AAA or lower could have saved the Minnesota team which got off to an 0-9 record to start the season; but this strategic fact was not immediately realized. Ownership hoped they would be able to close the gap, and management was under their orders. Moreover, a demotion of this kind would have involved almost certainly the destruction of all remaining remnants of local pride and the abandonment of a fan website called Twins Daily. Therefore, when the force and scope of patheticism was realized and when a new pitching coach, Eric Rasmussen, assumed command in place of Neil Allen, an effort was made by the starting rotation and the bullpen to keep on holding the right hand of the hitting and to give their own right hand to a newly created pitching staff which was to raise the winning expectancy by some great amount.

 

Unfortunately, this proved cumbersome for lefties like Pat Dean when they realized to their dismay that they were unable to hold the hitters' right hands with their left and operate with their own right hands as hoped. However, the initial results seemed fruitful as the Twins were able to bring a winning streak to four. But this beacon of light was soon to be severed, and by the beginning of June, the Twins were once more the pitiful team they had proved themselves to be from the start – this time with Sano on the DL.

 

When a fortnight ago I asked Twins Daily to fix this evening as the occasion for a statement, I feared it would be my hard lot to announce the greatest disaster in this organization's history. I thought – and many agreed with me – that a complete overhaul of management was long overdue. It certainly seemed that the team was on pace for the worst record in modern major league history, that veteran players would be taking their leave for lack of wins and titles. These were the hard and heavy tidings for which I called upon fans to prepare themselves a week ago. The whole root and core of the Minnesota Twins, on which and around which we were to build, and are to build, the greatest lineup in existence, seemed about to perish upon the field or to be led into an ignominious and futile capacity.

 

That was the prospect two weeks ago. Today, the team once again arguably shows signs of an upwards trend. (With all due respect, I am here obliged to interrupt my speechwriter's train of thought to express my utter disgust with the Twins and my certainty that the season is beyond reparation. But I digress. Hm, hmm ... skip that bit ... and that bit ... oh, here we are.)

 

During a late road game versus the Angels last night, the struggle was protracted and fierce. A miracle of deliverance, achieved by valor, by perseverance, by perfect discipline, by faultless service, by resource, by skill, by unconquerable fidelity, is manifest to us all. The Angels were hurled back by homers by Plouffe, Buxton, and Grossman, and the bullpen allowed only a single run. The Twins engaged the main strength of the Angels, inflicting upon them their fourth loss in as many games to this club this season alone, and lifting themselves from the jaws of death and shame by extending their own winning streak to two, revealing their true potential and ability to take on the tasks which lie immediately ahead.

 

(Ahem ... cough, cough.)

 

However, and I cannot stress this enough, we must be very careful not to assign to this deliverance the attributes of a victory. Playoffs are not made by two game winning streaks. But there was a victory inside this deliverance, which should be noted. It was gained by Nolasco, a fact verified by a scoreboard which said, "W: Nolasco."

 

But I focus too much on the small victories, for our losses are enormous. We have lost over two thirds of our games since opening day on 4th April, 2016. This will impose a further delay on the eventual division title which is always first and foremost in our minds. This goal has not been proceeding as we had originally hoped, but we have discovered in the past few months that all it takes to win is the ability to outscore our opponents. Our recent upwards trend in winning percentage is the first-fruits of our labor. However, we cannot expect immediate restoration; how long our recovery will take depends solely upon the exertions which we make as a team. An effort the like of which has never been seen in our records is now being made. Work is proceeding everywhere, night and day, Sundays and week days. Front office and players alike have cast aside all that interests them and invested their time into the common cause. Already we show signs of improvement. There is no reason why we should not in a few months overtake the sudden and serious loss that has come upon us without hindering the development of our prospects.

 

In the interval, we must throw our efforts into creating the highest state of organization the lowest possible payroll can achieve so that the highest possible potential of offensive effort may be realized. On this we are now engaged.

 

I have, myself, full confidence that if all do their duty, if nothing is neglected, and if the best arrangements are made, as they are being made, we shall prove ourselves once again able to defend against offenses, to ride out the storm of losses, and to outlive the menace of Royalty, if necessary for years, if necessary alone. At any rate, that is what we are going to try to do. That is the resolve of the Twins – every person from Jim Pohlad to the ball boy. That is the will of press and fandom. The team and their fans, linked together in their cause and in their need, will conquer all. Even though large tracts of areas long established as Twins territory have fallen or may fall into the grip of popularity and all the odious apparatus of Yankee rule, we shall not flag or fail. We shall go on to the end, we shall win in Minnesota, we shall win at home and away, we shall play with growing confidence and growing strength in the air, we shall defend our pride, whatever the cost may be, we shall play out of doors, we shall play indoors, we shall play in Chicago, we shall play in Detroit, we shall play in Kansas City; we shall never surrender, and even if, which I do not for a moment believe, this state or a large part of it were subjugated with losses, then our minor leagues, armed with instruments of colossal and shattering power, will carry on and struggle, until, in God's good time, these players step forth to the rescue and the liberation of the old.

 

 

Weather:

 

Mostly cloudy, with a low around 60. Southwest wind 5 to 10 mph.

 

 

Lineups:

 

TWINS (20-43):

 

SS Eduardo Nunez [R]

LF Robbie Grossman

1B Joe Mauer [L]

3B Trevor Plouffe [R]

2B Brian Dozier [R]

DH Oswaldo Arcia [L]

RF Max Kepler [L]

C Juan Centeno [L]

CF Byron Buxton [R]

SP Ervin Santana [R]

 

ANGELS (27-37):

3B Yunel Escobar [R]

RF Kole Calhoun [L]

CF Mike Trout [R]

DH Albert Pujols [R]

1B C.J. Cron [R]

LF Jefry Marte [R]

2B Johnny Giavotella [R]

C Carlos Perez [R]

SS G. Petit [R]

SP Jhousljssys Chacin [R]

 

 

we shall play out of doors, we shall play indoors, we shall play in Chicago, we shall play in Detroit, we shall play in Kansas City; we shall never surrender

 

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2013/07/23/article-2375414-1AF671A2000005DC-627_638x391.jpg

 

"Like."

I think your opening statement was a riddle wrapped in mystery inside an enigma.

I think your opening statement was a riddle wrapped in mystery inside an enigma.

no question.

Can Sano please come back so I can stop looking at lineups with Plouffe and Dozier in the 4 and 5 hole

I think your opening statement was a riddle wrapped in mystery inside an enigma.

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-1U1_jbo2cGg/TcUYGwnn0mI/AAAAAAAABzA/iHaneIuAf4w/s640/Winston+Churchill+%25281874+-1965%2529+%252C+British+Prime+Minister.jpg

 

"Like."

 

We Shall Win in Minnesota

June 14th, 2016

 

From the moment the Twins' defense was broken in the second week of May, only a rapid retreat to AAA or lower could have saved the Minnesota team which got off to an 0-9 record to start the season; but this strategic fact was not immediately realized. Ownership hoped they would be able to close the gap, and management was under their orders. Moreover, a demotion of this kind would have involved almost certainly the destruction of all remaining remnants of local pride and the abandonment of a fan website called Twins Daily. Therefore, when the force and scope of patheticism was realized and when a new pitching coach, Eric Rasmussen, assumed command in place of Neil Allen, an effort was made by the starting rotation and the bullpen to keep on holding the right hand of the hitting and to give their own right hand to a newly created pitching staff which was to raise the winning expectancy by some great amount.

 

Unfortunately, this proved cumbersome for lefties like Pat Dean when they realized to their dismay that they were unable to hold the hitters' right hands with their left and operate with their own right hands as hoped. However, the initial results seemed fruitful as the Twins were able to bring a winning streak to four. But this beacon of light was soon to be severed, and by the beginning of June, the Twins were once more the pitiful team they had proved themselves to be from the start – this time with Sano on the DL.

 

When a fortnight ago I asked Twins Daily to fix this evening as the occasion for a statement, I feared it would be my hard lot to announce the greatest disaster in this organization's history. I thought – and many agreed with me – that a complete overhaul of management was long overdue. It certainly seemed that the team was on pace for the worst record in modern major league history, that veteran players would be taking their leave for lack of wins and titles. These were the hard and heavy tidings for which I called upon fans to prepare themselves a week ago. The whole root and core of the Minnesota Twins, on which and around which we were to build, and are to build, the greatest lineup in existence, seemed about to perish upon the field or to be led into an ignominious and futile capacity.

 

That was the prospect two weeks ago. Today, the team once again arguably shows signs of an upwards trend. (With all due respect, I am here obliged to interrupt my speechwriter's train of thought to express my utter disgust with the Twins and my certainty that the season is beyond reparation. But I digress. Hm, hmm ... skip that bit ... and that bit ... oh, here we are.)

 

During a late road game versus the Angels last night, the struggle was protracted and fierce. A miracle of deliverance, achieved by valor, by perseverance, by perfect discipline, by faultless service, by resource, by skill, by unconquerable fidelity, is manifest to us all. The Angels were hurled back by homers by Plouffe, Buxton, and Grossman, and the bullpen allowed only a single run. The Twins engaged the main strength of the Angels, inflicting upon them their fourth loss in as many games to this club this season alone, and lifting themselves from the jaws of death and shame by extending their own winning streak to two, revealing their true potential and ability to take on the tasks which lie immediately ahead.

 

(Ahem ... cough, cough.)

 

However, and I cannot stress this enough, we must be very careful not to assign to this deliverance the attributes of a victory. Playoffs are not made by two game winning streaks. But there was a victory inside this deliverance, which should be noted. It was gained by Nolasco, a fact verified by a scoreboard which said, "W: Nolasco."

 

But I focus too much on the small victories, for our losses are enormous. We have lost over two thirds of our games since opening day on 4th April, 2016. This will impose a further delay on the eventual division title which is always first and foremost in our minds. This goal has not been proceeding as we had originally hoped, but we have discovered in the past few months that all it takes to win is the ability to outscore our opponents. Our recent upwards trend in winning percentage is the first-fruits of our labor. However, we cannot expect immediate restoration; how long our recovery will take depends solely upon the exertions which we make as a team. An effort the like of which has never been seen in our records is now being made. Work is proceeding everywhere, night and day, Sundays and week days. Front office and players alike have cast aside all that interests them and invested their time into the common cause. Already we show signs of improvement. There is no reason why we should not in a few months overtake the sudden and serious loss that has come upon us without hindering the development of our prospects.

 

In the interval, we must throw our efforts into creating the highest state of organization the lowest possible payroll can achieve so that the highest possible potential of offensive effort may be realized. On this we are now engaged.

 

I have, myself, full confidence that if all do their duty, if nothing is neglected, and if the best arrangements are made, as they are being made, we shall prove ourselves once again able to defend against offenses, to ride out the storm of losses, and to outlive the menace of Royalty, if necessary for years, if necessary alone. At any rate, that is what we are going to try to do. That is the resolve of the Twins – every person from Jim Pohlad to the ball boy. That is the will of press and fandom. The team and their fans, linked together in their cause and in their need, will conquer all. Even though large tracts of areas long established as Twins territory have fallen or may fall into the grip of popularity and all the odious apparatus of Yankee rule, we shall not flag or fail. We shall go on to the end, we shall win in Minnesota, we shall win at home and away, we shall play with growing confidence and growing strength in the air, we shall defend our pride, whatever the cost may be, we shall play out of doors, we shall play indoors, we shall play in Chicago, we shall play in Detroit, we shall play in Kansas City; we shall never surrender, and even if, which I do not for a moment believe, this state or a large part of it were subjugated with losses, then our minor leagues, armed with instruments of colossal and shattering power, will carry on and struggle, until, in God's good time, these players step forth to the rescue and the liberation of the old.

 

 

Weather:

 

Mostly cloudy, with a low around 60. Southwest wind 5 to 10 mph.

 

 

Lineups:

 

TWINS (20-43):

 

SS Eduardo Nunez [R]

LF Robbie Grossman

1B Joe Mauer [L]

3B Trevor Plouffe [R]

2B Brian Dozier [R]

DH Oswaldo Arcia [L]

RF Max Kepler [L]

C Juan Centeno [L]

CF Byron Buxton [R]

SP Ervin Santana [R]

 

ANGELS (27-37):

3B Yunel Escobar [R]

RF Kole Calhoun [L]

CF Mike Trout [R]

DH Albert Pujols [R]

1B C.J. Cron [R]

LF Jefry Marte [R]

2B Johnny Giavotella [R]

C Carlos Perez [R]

SS G. Petit [R]

SP Jhousljssys Chacin [R]

This would have been better if the Supertramp song would have kicked in at the end--

 

Oh, wait, I can play it myself.

 

Just a sec, have to re-read the opening now.

 

During a late road game versus the Angels last night, the struggle was protracted and fierce. A miracle of deliverance, achieved by valor, by perseverance, by perfect discipline, by faultless service, by resource, by skill, by unconquerable fidelity, is manifest to us all. The Angels were hurled back by homers by Plouffe, Buxton, and Grossman, and the bullpen allowed only a single run. The Twins engaged the main strength of the Angels, inflicting upon them their fourth loss in as many games to this club this season alone, and lifting themselves from the jaws of death and shame by extending their own winning streak to two, revealing their true potential and ability to take on the tasks which lie immediately ahead. >>>>>>>>>>>>Don't forget the Angels 3 charged errors, the double clutched DP ball the balk..... combined with our textbook lesson on how to execute a rundown, and the virtually flawless initiation of our newest bullpen savior, and you had the kind of baseball that you could find anywhere else! (In MLB, that is)

 

We Shall Win in Minnesota

June 14th, 2016

 

Tell you what, tho, Always-

 

Sacrilege on the 'Sox' stuff---

And who is that avatar, Tommy Trojan, or Sparty?   

Neither are acceptable to right-thinking, red-blooded 'Mericans.

Can Sano please come back so I can stop looking at lineups with Plouffe and Dozier in the 4 and 5 hole

Uh, I think Plouffe still hit cleanup often. Why would you want Sano to hit cleanup, he couldn't even beat out Plouffe for his position.

 

During a late road game versus the Angels last night, the struggle was protracted and fierce. A miracle of deliverance, achieved by valor, by perseverance, by perfect discipline, by faultless service, by resource, by skill, by unconquerable fidelity, is manifest to us all. The Angels were hurled back by homers by Plouffe, Buxton, and Grossman, and the bullpen allowed only a single run. The Twins engaged the main strength of the Angels, inflicting upon them their fourth loss in as many games to this club this season alone, and lifting themselves from the jaws of death and shame by extending their own winning streak to two, revealing their true potential and ability to take on the tasks which lie immediately ahead. >>>>>>>>>>>>Don't forget the Angels 3 charged errors, the double clutched DP ball the balk..... combined with our textbook lesson on how to execute a rundown, and the virtually flawless initiation of our newest bullpen savior, and you had the kind of baseball that you could find anywhere else! (In MLB, that is)

"Twins Way ®"

 

Uh, I think Plouffe still hit cleanup often. Why would you want Sano to hit cleanup, he couldn't even beat out Plouffe for his position.

 

I think your opening statement was a riddle wrapped in mystery inside an enigma.

Then, cover it with some gooey cheddar, and we're in business!

I think your opening statement was a riddle wrapped in mystery inside an enigma.

Upon reflection, imagine the closing in Churchill's voice with "Weather: Mostly cloudy, with a low around 60. Southwest wind 5 to 10 mph," and I think you'll agree it adds something to the original.

 

We Shall Win in Minnesota

June 14th, 2016

Pretty creative kid!

Lady Astor: You are drunk.

 

Winston Churchill: Yes, and you are ugly. In the morning I'll be sober.

Lady Astor: You are drunk.

 

Winston Churchill: Yes, and you are ugly. In the morning I'll be sober.

Why does every Churchill anecdote sound just as good in Groucho Marx's voice?

Why does every Churchill anecdote sound just as good in Groucho Marx's voice?

Probably because neither said many of them.

Ok, one more: Churchill and a Methodist pastor at dinner, waitress asks "drinks?"

 

Churchill orders.

 

Pastor: "I'd sooner commit adultery than taste alcohol."

 

Churchill: "Come back, I didn't realize we had a choice."

Probably because neither said many of them.

Lady Astor: You are drunk.

Winston Churchill: **** off

Hess or no Hess, I’m going to watch the Marx Brothers.

 

-- Churchill, during an air raid, 11 May 1941, Ditchley Park

And a moment of science. Way to go, Kepler!

 

http://www.space.com/33155-biggest-tatooine-exoplanet-twin-suns-found.html

 

Tell you what, tho, Always-

 

Sacrilege on the 'Sox' stuff---

And who is that avatar, Tommy Trojan, or Sparty?   

Neither are acceptable to right-thinking, red-blooded 'Mericans.

Have I never introduced myself?

 

Always33, always a fan of 33; shed bitter tears when he was traded, and always roots for 33's respective team over her very own Twins, who are third only to 33 and the Mahtomedi Zephyrs, the only team in the world she'd ever root for if they were playing Morneau.

 

Shameless self advertisement.

 

Go Zephyrs! Go Sox! Go Twins!

Have I never introduced myself?

 

Always33, always a fan of 33; shed bitter tears when he was traded, and always roots for 33's respective team over her very own Twins, who are third only to 33 and the Mahtomedi Zephyrs, the only team in the world she'd ever root for if they were playing Morneau.

 

Shameless self advertisement.

 

Go Zephyrs! Go Sox! Go Twins!

Rumor has it the legendary Zebras, er zephyrs, are in the state tourney Thursday

 

Have I never introduced myself?

 

Always33, always a fan of 33; shed bitter tears when he was traded, and always roots for 33's respective team over her very own Twins, who are third only to 33 and the Mahtomedi Zephyrs, the only team in the world she'd ever root for if they were playing Morneau.

 

Shameless self advertisement.

 

Go Zephyrs! Go Sox! Go Twins!

Hm.  I "Always"  (heh... I said, "Always")  thought a zephyr was a gentle breeze, rather than a brave warrior.  

Ya learn sumptin' every day.

 

Oh, and I'm always a 33-loving cat too, but I gotta draw the line somewhere.  My line is on Madison Avenue, facing south.

Edited June 15, 201610 yr by David HK

Lady Nancy Astor: Winston, if you were my husband, I'd poison your tea.

 

Churchill: Nancy, if I were your husband, I'd drink it.

 

Can Sano please come back so I can stop looking at lineups with Plouffe and Dozier in the 4 and 5 hole

 

You forgot to mention that I also need some Home Runs for my fantasy team. 

 

Then, cover it with some gooey cheddar, and we're in business!

Deep fried?

My son's softball team was short a player so they called me to play. 

 

A 50 year old playing with a bunch of 22 year olds.

 

I haven't swung a bat or put a glove on for a couple of years.

 

What do you think I did in my first AB? 

 

Deep fried?

Goes without saying.  And on a stick, so you can have it at the fair.