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  • sat·ire | (/ˈsaˌtī(ə)r/) | noun
    the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people's stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues.

    Local Man Remembers How to Hate the Chicago White Sox Again

    RandBalls Stu

    By RandBalls Stu

    “It’s like riding a bike made of spite and angry thoughts.”

    Image courtesy of © David Banks-USA TODAY Sports

    Twins Video

    Brandon Kennedy didn’t see it coming.

    “I knew going into the series this was a big deal, especially with Cleveland falling apart,” said the Richfield-based copywriter. “But it’s been so long since the (Chicago) White Sox were worth a damn, it was hard to get too fired up about it.

    “That’s not a problem anymore.”

    In the wake of Chicago taking 3 out of 4 from the Twins and clinching a playoff berth, Kennedy said old grievances were born anew in the churning tumult of his blistering rage.

    “Between the umpires putting on a clown show all week and the wretched White Sox themselves, I’ve never been more furious,” said Kennedy.

    “Once again, I hate the Chicago White Sox.”

    Kennedy claims the transition was as effortless as it was quick.

    “I’m just sitting there, thinking of how fun Luis Robert and Tim Anderson are to watch, and all of a sudden I realize the Commissioner should transfer them to any of the 31 teams that are better than the Chicago White Sox, a vile and ugly franchise loved only by perverts and criminals. Rediscovering that visceral disgust in my heart, it’s like riding a bike made of spite and angry thoughts.”

    With the playoffs looming, Kennedy claims his righteous fury will not abate in the waning days of the regular season.

    “You know, Disco Demolition Night was misguided, as disco music itself was and is fine,” said Kennedy, referring to the 1979 stunt gone wrong that caused the White Sox to forfeit a home game. “But there’s no reason we shouldn’t revisit burning Comiskey Park or whatever it’s called this year to the ground and salting the earth to keep it from harming anyone ever again. Let the team play in Buffalo next year so their fans, unloved by God, can get back to their true passions of wheelchair theft and swindling the elderly.”

    “I don’t like the White Sox,” he concluded.

    Steve "Stu" Neuman. Local copywriter, husband, father of two, inventor of the atomic bomb.
    Follow RandBalls Stu on Twitter: RandBallsStu

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    Dman

    Dman 7,149

  • Verified Member

    • Posted

    Good natured article.  The Sox have been down for so long I actually started to feel sorry for them.  This shortened year I can actually cheer for them to have some success.  The tough part is they have a very young, very talented team that is likely to be very good for at least the next 6 years if not longer.  So I am sure my competitive rage will return.  For now though I am kind of happy for them to have some success.

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    ashbury

    ashbury 48,546

  • Old-Timey Member

    • Posted

    Of late the Sox are taking nearly a video-game approach to their contracts: use superior talent evaluation, lock up young talent for several years, use early-30s guys on shorter contracts to supplement. So far it seems to be working. There is core of their roster that could very possibly be what you see intact in 2024. I hate them for this.

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    sampleSizeOfOne

    sampleSizeOfOne 13,517

  • Old-Timey Member

    • Posted

    If the White Sox go deeper into the post season than the Twins, I'll be rooting for them.

    You, sir, have a truely devious mind.

     

    I could not possibly conceive of such a cunning and absolute vengence upon a vaunted enemy.

     

    And yet so perfectly innocent and reasonable.

     

    I approve!

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    Otto von Ballpark

    Otto von Ballpark 20,320

  • Community Leader

    • Posted

    Don't know where else to put this, but wow, the White Sox are calling up their 2020 first-round pick (11th overall)! Left-handed college pitcher Garrett Crochet is completely skipping minor league game action to make his pro debut out of a MLB bullpen:

     

    https://www.mlbtraderumors.com/2020/09/white-sox-promote-garrett-crochet-2020-draft.html

     

    The White Sox did a similar thing with Chris Sale back in 2010.

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    Longdistancetwins

    Longdistancetwins 339

  • Verified Member

    • Posted

    My good friend has been a White Sox fan for about 60 years.  Since he is my tennis partner, I see him frequently.  We manage to root civilly for each other, and he’s been explaining for these past few years how they are rebuilding.  Our friendship survives because we have this strange thing in common:  we’ve rooted for decades for these out-of-town teams without ever having lived anywhere near where our team played.  Still, I’m jealous because now it looks like they did everything right.

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    DocBauer

    DocBauer 14,431

  • Verified Member

    • Posted

    Hilarious as usual.

     

    But it's funny how there are some teams that just hold our personal disdain. I mean, we can all agree we despise the Yankees, right? Lol And for obvious reasons we don't have to state. :)

     

    But while I love confidence and can fully appreciate a degree of cockiness, the reason I have loathed the Dirty Sox for years is not any game or player I can immediately think of. It comes from watching games on TV listening to Hawk Harrelson. That guy just rubbed me the wrong way. How weird is that?

     

    I think the Twins are absolutely the better overall team during a 162 game season. And the Sox are absolutely taking advantage of the weird, crazy 2020 60 game version. But I admit fully that their pitching staff has performed far better than I ever expected. Again, 162 games....we'll never know.

     

    I will admit though, that I am tired of the Dirty Sox hyperbole for the future. Don't get me wrong, they have talent and more on the way. And we're going to have to deal with them the next few years as real rivals. But position after position, spot after spot, it's not like the Twins are devoid of real talent. And we don't exactly have chum coming up through the system with Jeffers, Rooker, Kirilloff, Larnach, Lewis, Alcala, Colina, Duran, Balazovic and others not mentioned.

     

    The Indians won't just go away. But even with turnover, the Twins and Dirty Sox should be rivals for the next 3-4yrs easy!

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    Nine of twelve

    Nine of twelve 7,163

  • Verified Member

    • Posted

    I'm probably in the minority among Twins fans. I don't hate the White Sox. I dislike the Cleveland franchise far more. I think that if you live in Chicago and you are a true baseball fan you can only be a White Sox fan.

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    SkyBlueWaters

    SkyBlueWaters 240

  • Verified Member

    • Posted

     

    ... the reason I have loathed the Dirty Sox for years is not any game or player I can immediately think of. It comes from watching games on TV listening to Hawk Harrelson. That guy just rubbed me the wrong way. How weird is that?
     

     

    Not weird at all. Baseball has a number of analysts now who can articulate complex thoughts. John Smoltz is great. I hear Mike Krukow frequently, and enjoy the way he breaks down the game, even to the point of analyzing different umpires' strike zones. 

     

    Harrelson, conversely, repeated the same stupid phrases throughout games over and over. After a strikeout, "he gone." For any pop-up to the OF, "can of corn." 

     

    Middle school children are capable of more thoughtful analysis. Armed with crayons, providing more color, too.

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    AceWrigley

    AceWrigley 2,650

  • Verified Member

    • Posted

     

    But while I love confidence and can fully appreciate a degree of cockiness, the reason I have loathed the Dirty Sox for years is not any game or player I can immediately think of. It comes from watching games on TV listening to Hawk Harrelson. That guy just rubbed me the wrong way. How weird is that?

    Not weird at all. All Twins fans dislike the Hawk like a bad jar of pickled herring.

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