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  • sat·ire | (/ˈsaˌtī(ə)r/) | noun
    the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people's stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues.

    Local Contrarian Reveals ‘Twins Are Hitting Too Many Home Runs’ Take

    RandBalls Stu

    By RandBalls Stu

    Unlikable Chaska man shares opinion on Minnesota’s hot start.

    Barry Daniel is well aware of the Twins’ MLB-best record, and the power surge that’s propelled it. He’s not about to let anyone within his radius feel good about it.

    Image courtesy of Flickr/Jorge Gonzalez

    Twins Video

    “They’re setting themselves up to fail in the long run,” said Daniel, as his disinterested co-workers poked at their Lean Cuisines. “If you’re not moving runners over and just relying on home runs, you’re not even playing baseball. Give me Whitey Herzog and some classic station-to-station ball any day of the week.”

    Daniel, who is 37, unmarried, and wears a fedora to chain restaurant bars, often regales trapped employees of a local IT consulting firm with his against-the-grain takes during their half-hour lunch break.

    “What if you have to manufacture a run, and (Byron) Buxton is up there swinging at fastballs instead of working the count,” pondered Daniel, as at least one employee audibly sighed. “Does Buxton’s allegedly good defense make up for that? All I know is Zach Granite and Robbie Grossman took pitches and weren’t all about flash.”

    Daniel’s few friends at work say they’ve grown used to his behavior.

    “It’s like, we get it Barry, you found out about the concept of devil’s advocate when you were in college and quit learning anything else,” said Amanda Molloy, the company’s CFO. “When someone talks about a TV show they like, Barry will be sure to note that the book was better, or that it used to be good but it sucks now, or that he doesn’t own a television.”

    As the lunchroom quietly emptied, Daniel, who has strident opinions on anime, continued listing his doubts.

    “The strikeouts and quote-unquote pitch framing may impress the spreadsheet geeks and people who don’t appreciate the real game’s nuances,” said Daniel. “Let’s see ‘em throw strikes, put some balls into play, and let the defense do its job. Maybe then I'll believe it's sustainable.”

    Steve "Stu" Neuman. Local copywriter, husband, father of two, inventor of the atomic bomb.
    Follow RandBalls Stu on Twitter: RandBallsStu

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    Don't Feed the Greed Guy

    Don't Feed the Greed Guy 530

  • Verified Member

    • Posted

     

    "Daniel, who is 37, unmarried, and wears a fedora to chain restaurant bars..."

     

    Have you been following me around again? That waitress that I keep overtipping, but never quite have the guts to ask out said it was a nice hat.

    I know this guy. Took my Grandma to TGI Fridays last Friday to watch the Twins. She's a big fan.

     

    I couldn't forget the hat. He was sitting at the end of the bar by our booth. When I got up to order a beer he had a coupon next to him. Clipped from the back of a Cub receipt: "New Sizzling Entrees Starting at $10." Bargain shopper, that guy.

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    Dantes929

    Dantes929 4,529

  • Verified Member

    • Posted

     

    We've been down the try to "manufacture a run" and "pitch to contact" roads before.... they produced ZERO championships.

    For us.   Giants embraced pitch to contact and won 3.   They just did it better.    Royals were certainly manufacture runs since they were last in the league in homers when they won it all.     I don't know if it is sustainable but I really don't love it anyway.    I like watching guys run around the bases rather than jogging.     I wouldn't mind seeing a game without fences.    You might have more homers because of gappers that aren't stopped but there might be more excitement.

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    woolywoolhouse

    woolywoolhouse 828

  • Verified Member

    • Posted

    I remember when Detroit was dominating the Central and signed Prince Fielder. This required Miguel Cabrera to move back to 3rd base, which weakened Detroit's defense on the left side but added 55 homeruns over the two years Fielder manned first. Detroit went to the World Series the first year, and the ALCS the second year. 

     

    The only retort Twins fans were able to give were, "Cabrera manning 3rd? Oh boy, I can't wait to see Ben Revere bunt on him all game long!"

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    Trov

    Trov 2,980

  • Verified Member

    • Posted

     

    I remember when Detroit was dominating the Central and signed Prince Fielder. This required Miguel Cabrera to move back to 3rd base, which weakened Detroit's defense on the left side but added 55 homeruns over the two years Fielder manned first. Detroit went to the World Series the first year, and the ALCS the second year. 

     

    The only retort Twins fans were able to give were, "Cabrera manning 3rd? Oh boy, I can't wait to see Ben Revere bunt on him all game long!"

    Detroit also had some very good pitching at that time too.  

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    Oldgoat_MN

    Oldgoat_MN 2,434

  • Verified Member

    • Posted

     

    Is Fielder still getting a check in the mail? Just curious is all.

    It appears that Prince Fielder is getting $24 million this year and next.

    Too bad he was injured. I've read that he's a pretty good guy and was certainly an amazing talent for Detroit.

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    Doomtints

    Doomtints 2,816

  • Verified Member

    • Posted

     

    It appears that Prince Fielder is getting $24 million this year and next.

    Too bad he was injured. I've read that he's a pretty good guy and was certainly an amazing talent for Detroit.

     

    Since he retired he's not getting anything anymore.

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    Steve Lein

    Steve Lein 3,180

  • Twins Daily Contributor

    • Posted

     

    Since he retired he's not getting anything anymore.

     

    Detroit is still paying money to Fielder, and Justin Verlander. I don't think in Fielder's case he's getting $24MIL, but rather some deferred (or other method of) amount through at least another year.

     

    Always fun to bring up that the Mets are going to be paying Bobby Bonilla through 2035, and Bret Saberhagen through 2029.

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    bird

    bird 6,083

  • Verified Member

    • Posted

    Noticed the Twins have six players with 7 or more homers, two others with 6 and 4 respectively, while the Tigers have no player with more than 3.

     

    Which begs the question, how can this team possibly be only 23-17?

     

    And begs the larger question of how can the Tigers possibly be 16-18?

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    USAFChief

    USAFChief 58,010

  • Community Moderator

    • Posted

     

    Noticed the Twins have six players with 7 or more homers, two others with 6 and 4 respectively, while the Tigers have no player with more than 3.

     

    Which begs the question, how can this team possibly be only 23-17?

     

    And begs the larger question of how can the Tigers possibly be 16-18?

    By losing their next five.

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    jimbo92107

    jimbo92107 7,419

  • Verified Member

    • Posted

    Stubborn people... Reminds of of this guy I know, Charles. Terrible doubles player. Every first serve, he tries to hit an impossible angle, missing by at least four feet. Then he pops a little puffball second serve in the middle of the service box. It usually gets crushed right at his cringing partner. 

     

    I asked him once why he keeps doing that, wasting his first serve.

     

    "One of these days, I'm gonna ace somebody, and you'll all be sorry." 

     

    Terrible doubles player. 

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    FlauerPauer

    FlauerPauer 1,917

  • Verified Member

    • Posted

     

    Stubborn people... Reminds of of this guy I know, Charles. Terrible doubles player. Every first serve, he tries to hit an impossible angle, missing by at least four feet. Then he pops a little puffball second serve in the middle of the service box. It usually gets crushed right at his cringing partner. 

     

    I asked him once why he keeps doing that, wasting his first serve.

     

    "One of these days, I'm gonna ace somebody, and you'll all be sorry." 

     

    Terrible doubles player. 

     

    I once read that when choosing a doubles partner you must first think about ending that relationship. If you cannot separate emotion from skill, you will never be a successful doubles partner. 

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