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  • sat·ire | (/ˈsaˌtī(ə)r/) | noun
    the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people's stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues.

    Bremer Uses Long All-Star Break to Get Mickey Hatcher Face Tattoo


    RandBalls Stu

    Longtime Twins TV voice stuns family, friends, polite society with replacement-level outfielder body art.

    Image courtesy of Unsplash/Allef Vinicius

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    Fans tuning in to Bally Sports North for Saturday’s Twins/Tigers tilt might notice a difference. Not on the field, but off.

    Dick Bremer, the veteran broadcaster who has handled play-by-play duties for the Minnesota Twins since 1983, revealed that he got a full-face tattoo paying tribute to Mickey Hatcher, who played for the Twins from 1981-1986.

    “He FaceTimed me from the tattoo parlor and said he was pulling the trigger,” said Bally Sports North analyst and local former relief pitcher Glen Perkins. “I just thought he was getting a TC on his bicep or something. He did not. It’s troubling.”

    The multiphase tattoo features a headshot of Hatcher on his left cheek and Hatcher’s powder blue home jersey on his right. Under his left eye is a script “Mickey” with a matching script “Hatcher” under the right. An all caps “HATCHMAN4LIFE” runs along his jawline.

    “’Hatchman’ wasn’t even the guy’s nickname,” said Perkins. “I’m going to repeat this: It’s so troubling.”

    Hatcher is perhaps best known for hurting himself catching a gimmick fly ball dropped from the Metrodome roof the day after Dave Kingman hit one through the Teflon. What drove Bremer to celebrate this minor figure in Twins history? One family member has a theory.

    “We were just sharing Twins memories in the Bremer group chat on Monday,” said Bremer’s son Erik, himself a play-by-play voice for the minor league Pensacola Blue Wahoos. “And my sister, who never responds to these things, pops in with, ‘Hey, remember when Bert Blyleven (Bremer's longtime broadcast partner) swore a bunch on the air? Cry laugh emoji, cry laugh emoji, poop emoji, cry laugh emoji.’ There was no response. She knew right away what she did.”

    Sources close to the family and organization say Bremer’s years as Blyleven’s foil left him emotionally spent and spiritually broken, and he’s only recently begun to fix that personal trauma. Would an innocent reminder lead to such an impulsive, permanent action?

    “Every day it was ‘downward plane’ this, ‘circle me’ that,” said a front office source. “He was also so close to Bert’s fart radius. For decades. A lesser man would’ve cracked years ago. That scar tissue is still tender, as is his heavily tattooed face and chin.”

    Bremer could not be reached for comment to this story or The Athletic’s report about an alleged Rob Wilfong henna tattoo on his left foot.

    Image license here.

     

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    I remember Hatcher "dying" at home plate after a hearty swing-and-a-miss, my old man in stitches as Mickey lay there in the batter's box. Neither one of us ran out to get a tattoo.

    Bremer, or maybe Stu, is losing it.

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    34 minutes ago, Dave The Dastardly said:

    I remember Hatcher "dying" at home plate after a hearty swing-and-a-miss, my old man in stitches as Mickey lay there in the batter's box. Neither one of us ran out to get a tattoo.

    Bremer, or maybe Stu, is losing it.

    It sounds like you missed a life-changing opportunity there. (Maybe not life-changing for the better, but still life-changing) 

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    I hope the Rob Wilfong rumor isn't true, because the replacement level infielder tattoo needs to be Nick Punto sliding into first. 

    Of course, we also need a pitcher, and there are so many possibilities. 

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    22 hours ago, LewFordLives said:

    I was there when the Kingman pop-up "fell" from the roof and bounced off Hatcher's glove.

    Are you sure?  Because pretty much any random game in those days was likely to feature a ball bouncing off Hatcher's glove.

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