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Every spring training, baseball writers document which player in camp has cut weight, hit the gym, and is generally in “the best shape of his life.”
“It’s one of those clichés that happens to be true,” said the Star Tribune’s Phil Miller. “There’s always a player who really got after it in the winter and it’s hard to miss.”
“I was on Jeopardy,” confirmed MLB.com’s Do-Hyoung Park.
For the Fargo Forum’s Steve Fraley, it’s another matter entirely.
“I have let myself go,” said Fraley. “Things are not good.”
Fraley, battling his second hangover of the weekday, confirmed to Twins Daily that he is in the worst shape of his life heading to Fort Myers.
“The thing they don’t tell you about cigarettes is how good they make you feel,” said Fraley. “You get up in the morning, reheat a cup of coffee, then light up that dart. Man. Then you figure out where you left your phone, dry swallow four Advils, and get on with the day.”
Fraley is in his fourth season of covering the Twins for the newspaper and says this is as slovenly as he’s ever been before Opening Day.
“I live right next to an Applebee’s,” said Fraley. “You just wander across the parking lot, settle in, order some nachos, and brother, you are feeling good in the neighborhood. Sometimes the Law & Order rerun is one I haven’t even seen yet.
“That said, the advancements they’ve made in nacho delivery technology have had some undesirable side effects. Going up a size on the board shorts and Hawaiian shirts this year, can’t smoke my way out of this one even though I plan to try.”
Fraley’s fellow scribes agree that it’s a struggle to get into the writer’s version of midseason form.
“I honestly don’t know what airport I’m landing in or how I’m getting to the park,” said The Athletic’s Aaron Gleeman. “I’m in the air right now.”
“Twice. I was on Jeopardy twice,” added Park.
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