Area Man to Let Bullpen Ruin His Family's Weekend

FRIDAY

Scott Andersen and his wife Molly are on a rare date night at an upscale restaurant, as Molly’s sister is in town and watching their two children.

Molly: Should we get an appetizer? I’m starving, and this glass of wine is gonna hit me like a train if I don’t eat something before dinner gets here.

Scott (clearly distracted): Yeah, sure.

Molly: You didn’t even hear what I said, did you?

Scott (looks up from his phone): Sorry. It's just the Twins bullpen. Blew a gimme against Cleveland, didn't sign Kimbrel, have no idea what they're going to do tonight if it's close. Man.

Molly: This is our first night out in five months. Put your phone away. We're getting calamari.

Scott (looks up from his phone): Do you want to get an appetizer?

SATURDAY

Scott and Molly's oldest child, Ashton, is nine. He has his last soccer game of the year today.

Molly: Hey, Ashton's in the game again. Look honey.

Scott (looking at phone): What's that?

Molly: Ashton. Your son. He's back in the game. That's him right there.

Scott (still looking at phone): Oh, good.

Molly: Is something wrong?

Scott: No. I mean, yes, it's just that I'm looking at all these relievers who could be on the market for the Twins but they sure as hell aren't making any moves right now. I bet the Astros wouldn't stand pat. The Red Sox would pull the trigger and get it fixed. It's so aggravating, and it's not li--

Molly (who quit listening two sentences ago): Oh my god Ashton's got a breakaway GO ASHTON!

Scott: --and I just read Buster Olney saying that the Twins are willing to let the market come to them and I'm just like, what if the market doesn't develop and Matt Magill has to get the Yankees out in a high-leverage spot? I tell you what will hap--

Molly: OH MY GOD HE SCORED! HONEY HE SCORED! HIS FIRST GOAL! LOOK AT HOW HAPPY HE IS!

Scott: Who scored?

SUNDAY

Molly's brother Sean is graduating from high school. There is a party at the local park shelter with burgers, chips, soda, beer, and other cookout staples. He's the youngest child, and the entire family is celebrating. Molly's father Art walks over to Scott, who is sitting by himself next to the sheet cake.

Art: Not going to lie to you, it's going to be weird having no kids at home when Sean goes to college. How do your folks like it?

Scott (clearly distracted): Yeah, I know.

Art: What?

Scott: Sorry, didn't catch that. It's just...it's the Twins. They knew the bullpen was going to be an issue in the offseason, and they did nothing to address it. Unless you call signing Blake Parker addressing it, which I don't! Come on! Everyone saw it coming! Man.

Art (who doesn't watch sports and has never really understood his son-in-law): I'm going to get a beer. Want one?

Scott (looking at his phone again): I already ate, thanks.