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Are there jokes about USAFChief? I thought they'd died out in the teens...

Sorry i'm late returning... What i miss from the Ryan Battery?

Concur. Kinda figured whatever i did as an intro clever presentation wise was already upstaged by Joe Ryan, so i decided to live with that. Oh, the other guys: 1. Rafael Ortega (L) CF 2. F. Schwindel (R) DH 3. Ian Happ (S) LF 4. Patrick Wisdom (R) 3B 5. Matt Duffy (R) 2B 6. Jason Heyward (L) RF 7. Austin Romine (R) C 8. Alfonso Rivas (L) 1B 9. S. Alcantara (S) SS

In the spirit of "look, 4 white horses. and there are 4 of us", and with blatant apologies to Mr. Letterman, and the decade of the 90s, here are the top ten reasons for watching tonight's game (and perhaps complaining about it on a game thread) 10: Andrelton Simmons is playing short stop and batting 9: Willians Astudillo is playing first base and batting 8: Ryan Jeffers is catching and batting 7: Brent Rooker is playing left field and batting 6: Miguel Sano is hitting designatedly and batting 5: Josh Donaldson is playing 3rd base and batting 4: Rob Refsnyder is playing right field and batting 3: Jorge Polanco is playing 2nd base and batting 2: Byron Buxton is playing center field and batting 1: Joe Ryan is pitching! Cubs just have 1 reason so far: Justin Steele is pitching (and i might forget to post something if i wait) I like our chances!

Welcome back, Mr. Dobnak! And i think some other thread somewhere on this site said Mr. Ryan was starting for the Twins today...

Triples to Buxton? I thought those kinds of gameday updates were reserved for Cave?

I have it on good authority, the harpoons in the above ritual are beverages rather than weapons. Be that as it may, i hope win just spite any curses. Anyway, what i miss so far?

I wish i was special...

Did we win yet?

I didn't realize this was a service they provided... I guess i don't fly too often these days. Also never bothered to look ip the start time. Glad to see Buxton get a hit!

Did we not even make 2 pages? My bad. I also hoped by mentioning my last intro, the last second come back i had inferred the. would apply today. Alas such was not to be...

If we only had a wheel barrow...

Playing players in the situations they are best at is sometimes how they become our best hitters...

Good to see Rooker back in there after the hbp yesterday. Still good to see Buxton as well, who is still getting untracked.

To get back into the post season this year, a broom or two just won't cut it. We need an industrial strength wetdry shop vac, as well as help across the board from many other teams. The Miracle Braves had more than half a season to make their comeback. We got only a month. But that's no excuse to lose faith... The Rockies did something like that in the late aughts. It isn't impossible. It just needs probability such as is only seen at the start of Tom Stoppard plays: And my humble apologies for the short intro last time i wrote one. I lost track of time while helping a friend move, and he told me to pull off to the side of the road and put it up. This would be the same friend who shared his discovery of Botwulf of Thorney who he'd looked up before making elementary school remarks on the subject, only to find the patron saint of boundaries, and those crossing them: trade and travel, not to mention farming rolled in for good measure. That's some serious saint patronizing! And which is more, Botwulf's tun or Botwulf's stone is what reduced over the centuries to... Boston. Which was the town we traveled to that last time i wrote an introduction. Suffice it to say, i was not worthy. Nor have i plans to become worthy any time soon, as i fall back on the words of Alice Cooper for the meat of my intro: Anyway, to cut to the chase: Milwuakee 0. Aaron Ashby (L) P 1. Kolten Wong (L) 2B 2. Willy Adames (R) DH 3. Christian Yelich (L) LF 4. Omar Narvaez (L) C 5. Rowdy Tellez (L) 1B 6. Luis Urias (R) SS 7. Jace Peterson (L) RF 8. Jackie Bradley Jr. (L) CF 9. Pablo Reyes (R) 3B Minnesota 0. Griffin Jax (R) P 1. Byron Buxton (R) CF 2. Jorge Polanco (S) 2B 3. Rob Refsnyder (R) RF 4. Josh Donaldson (R) DH 5. Miguel Sano (R) 1B 6. Brent Rooker (R) LF 7. Ryan Jeffers (R) C 8. Willians Astudillo (R) 3B 9. Andrelton Simmons (R) SS

That's the height of culture! Knuck knuck knuck!

Anyway, thanks all for the company! We had our ups and downs, but made it through only moderately scathed.

Some people here have an earlier feed than i do, apparently.

2 on..., 1 out. Livin' dangerously are we.

Colume time! Do not exit until the ride has come to a complete stop.

And Cave took Rooker's spot, both as a late inning defensive replacement, but maybe being careful after his HBP.

Cave! Start us off right this inning, please.

Foul ball. Throw him something else... Yeah, that'll do!

I think 3M still makes them. Not sure if they get as many orders as for postits.

Yes. But i don't think me writing anything matters so much.