Battle of Damn-aged Update III: Braves locked in a real nail biter with Pittsburgh, trailing 8-2 coming to bat in the ninth. Edit: The box score includes this disclaimer, "Live statistics during games are subject to change and should be considered unofficial.", so there's a chance it could all turn out to be a hoax.
That's how it starts. This is how it ends, with some furry dude's severed arm layin' on the floor, because back in my day, light sabers cut stuff off of people instead of making them lay down like they're playing dead, dammit.
Race for the Basement update: Twins feeling the pressure already tonight. The Braves' Foltynewicz is on pace for a 12 ER, 232 pitch CG gem through three against the Pirates.
Anybody who's been worried that another losing season will prove too much for even the relentless optimism of Dick Bremer can rest assured that the Twins already have their Plan B guy ready to go: http://m.memegen.com/5va6eg.jpg
Braves off to an early negative lead tonight in their 'Worst Record In MLB' cage match with our beloved Twins. Something called Foltynewicz has given up five runs for Atlanta, while Pirates hurler J. Locke, who I'm pretty sure is the bald guy from 'Lost', has held the Braves scoreless through three.