5 Weird Promotional Ideas the Twins Could “Steal”

Whenever fans can return to games (presumably in 2021) it will undoubtably be glorious, but also probably a bit strange. The Twins might as well embrace it and give away weird stuff. Chris Landers of mlb.com wrote a list of each MLB team’s weirdest promotional items ever and the Twins would be wise to “steal” a few ideas for whenever fans return.

On the topic of wisdom and stealing, a wise woman who I happen to be married to once explained what stealing isn’t to me. I was stirring my morning coffee when I took a moment to admire the nice little spoon in my cup. Strangely the word “Delta” was imprinted on the handle. “Did you steal this from the plane?” I asked my wife. “No,” she patiently informed me, “I just took it without asking.” The Twins could take a few of these great ideas (without asking of course) and even give them some slight alterations to make them their own. Today we’ll take five from the list and give them a Minnesota twist.

5) The “Gardy” Bear

In 2012 the Tampa Bay Rays honored baseball-lifer Don Zimmer with the Zim Bear, which as the name implies, was a teddy bear with Zimmer’s face attached to the front. The Twins have the advantage of already having a bear for a mascot, so why not make mini T.C. Bears with former manager Ron Gardenhire’s face plastered on? And what better occasion then when the Detroit Tigers come to town? Don’t get fired Gardy!

4) Sergio Romo Beard Hat

You know those Jamaican/Bob Marley hats with the dreadlocks attached? Same idea here, but with Sergio Romo’s beard attached. This is kind of a combination of the Joe Mauer sideburns giveaway listed as the Twins all-time best giveaway and the Colorado Rockies Charlie Blackmon beard giveaway. But with a Jamaican hat. Make it happen ‘mon!

3) Willians Astudillo Chia Pet

This is a blatant rip-off of the Washington Nationals 2016 Bryce Harper Chia Pet giveaway. I don’t care and neither should the Twins. At this point in the quarantine I pretty much have Harper-esque hair. That’s nothing to be proud of. But you know what I would be proud of? Willians Astudillo’s hair. If any player’s head of hair was ever made to be venerated in the form of a Chia Pet, it’s Astudillo’s.

2) Triple Beer Night

Beer prices at the ball park have gotten out of hand. Yeah, it’s nice to have our favorite craft brews available at the park, but is it worth drying out my kid’s college fund just to get a buzz? It didn’t used to be this way.

Cleveland infamously held a ten-cent beer night in 1974 (each purchase limited to six beers, but no limit on the number of purchases!) which admittedly led to some problems (i.e. riots). But Cleveland, Minnesota is not, and that’s not what we’re going for here. Our idea is based on the Houston Astros Beer giveaway (also in the mid-70’s, what a time to be alive), where they gave each adult a free beer when a homer was hit by an Astro on an even-numbered minute. With the Bomba Squad this give away might cost the Twins millions, but what if we changed it to triples? Nothing’s better than a triple…except for a free beer (or three?). I can already hear the chorus of “boos” that would come raining down after a Buxton inside-the-park homer.

1) Max Kepler’s Car

In 1992 the Toronto Blue Jays announced Derrek Bell’s car was being given away over the loud speaker. Joe Carter actually drove Bell’s Jeep onto the field while an unamused Bell looked on. It was just a prank, but it had Bell fooled. Minnesota could do a similar giveaway but with Max Kepler’s car. What kind of car does Kepler drive? How would he react? There’s only one way to find out!

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