Your Guide to the Worst Black Friday Deals in Twins Territory

As you battle your fellow Minnesotans for the last Rosedale parking spot, hoping the sporting goods store has an XL Byron Buxton Twin Cities jersey you can drop half a paycheck on, you should know that there are many other online and brick-and-mortar outlets showcasing their wares for you, the hardcore Twins fan. Twins Daily has run the numbers, and what follows are the worst consumer options out there. Keep your head on a swivel.

• 20% off signed copies of “Why Is He So Tiny Now? An Oral History of Bret Boone’s Three Weeks as a Minnesota Twin.”
• $99 for a six-month premium subscription to My Favorite Blown Calls, Phil Cuzzi’s podcast about his signature umpiring moments.
• Free first-timer visit to Ken Mauer and Andrelton Simmons’ new holistic medicine outlet, Vitastrong, located in Maplewood’s worst strip mall. No vaccines, no doctors, just nutritional advice from a cooked shortstop and an NBA ref that looks like he wears a leather jacket to Latin Mass. Vitastrong is not responsible for any measles you get during your visit, and you will get measles.
• Trial subscription to Aaron Gleeman’s new Substack newsletter, Text Messages I Haven’t Responded To. The Twins beat writer shares all the texts he gets from other baseball writers, morning radio hosts with unlikely haircuts, and unwashed bloggers to whom he simply is never going to reply. Use code WOULDYOUJUSTSTOPDANA to receive 40% off.
• 50% off The Motivational Speeches of Tommy Herr. This 12-cassette collection from the recalcitrant infielder for whom we traded away Tom Brunansky is the perfect gift for the father or uncle you flat-out hate.
• Craigslist ad for Metrodome urinal trough. It says $40 or best offer, but it’s just a scam. Do not ask which Twins Daily writers have had their credit card information compromised by this too-good-to-be-true deal (OK, so far it’s Stu, Parker, and John).