Local Contrarian Reveals ‘Twins Are Hitting Too Many Home Runs’ Take

“They’re setting themselves up to fail in the long run,” said Daniel, as his disinterested co-workers poked at their Lean Cuisines. “If you’re not moving runners over and just relying on home runs, you’re not even playing baseball. Give me Whitey Herzog and some classic station-to-station ball any day of the week.”

Daniel, who is 37, unmarried, and wears a fedora to chain restaurant bars, often regales trapped employees of a local IT consulting firm with his against-the-grain takes during their half-hour lunch break.

“What if you have to manufacture a run, and (Byron) Buxton is up there swinging at fastballs instead of working the count,” pondered Daniel, as at least one employee audibly sighed. “Does Buxton’s allegedly good defense make up for that? All I know is Zach Granite and Robbie Grossman took pitches and weren’t all about flash.”

Daniel’s few friends at work say they’ve grown used to his behavior.

“It’s like, we get it Barry, you found out about the concept of devil’s advocate when you were in college and quit learning anything else,” said Amanda Molloy, the company’s CFO. “When someone talks about a TV show they like, Barry will be sure to note that the book was better, or that it used to be good but it sucks now, or that he doesn’t own a television.”

As the lunchroom quietly emptied, Daniel, who has strident opinions on anime, continued listing his doubts.

“The strikeouts and quote-unquote pitch framing may impress the spreadsheet geeks and people who don’t appreciate the real game’s nuances,” said Daniel. “Let’s see ‘em throw strikes, put some balls into play, and let the defense do its job. Maybe then I'll believe it's sustainable.”