Area Cranks on High Alert with Mauer Hall of Fame Candidacy

[RandBalls Stu]

“This is like Christmas and the 4th of July all in one,” said the unloved man.

Image courtesy of © David Berding-USA TODAY Sports

It may seem like just yesterday that Joe Mauer donned his catching equipment one last time before saying farewell to a roaring Target Field crowd. But it’s now been five years since his 2018 retirement, meaning the lifelong Twin is eligible for Baseball’s Hall of Fame.

And for the most miserable bastards in Minnesota, it couldn’t come soon enough.

“As much as I hate to admit it, I’ve missed him since he retired,” said Tom Hanson, 58. The Anoka resident and classic North Metro redass has been banned from every social media website ever created. “He’s the worst baseball player I’ve ever seen and he should be in jail for stealing money from hard-working Minnesotans. But all the same, I’ve missed sending angry emails about him to our bought-and-paid-for local media shills.”

Hanson, who is no longer welcome in the IHOP family of breakfast restaurants, foresees a multi-year campaign against the former American League MVP.

“The first year, I expect the baseball writers to step up and keep him out because they do that to good players, too,” said Hanson. “Patriots will do the heavy lifting after that. A sustained barrage of complaints to talk radio, comments left in newspaper comment sections, skywriting. My stepson who no longer talks to me does raps on the internet, it would be nice to bring him into the fold if (ex-fourth wife) Bonnie would quit being such a [INCREDIBLY VILE EXPLETIVE].”

Hanson isn’t alone.

“All I know is players used to play hurt or they didn’t play,” said Bruce Schafer, 62, of Dayton. “Mauer didn’t even play when he was healthy and now the woke mob wants me to act like he’s a Hall of Famer? Hell no.”

Schafer, who frequently shares inaccurate stories about vaccine efficacy and Barack Obama’s long-form birth certificate on Facebook, said the opportunity to set the record straight about the three-time batting champ is one he welcomes.

“This is like Christmas and the 4th of July all in one,” said the unloved man. “There are kids out there who’ve never heard the term ‘bilateral leg weakness’ used to mock someone with a brain injury. Just another example of cancel culture going too far.”

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[Mark G]

Sounds like the conversation they have at Joe Soucheray's Crabby Coffee Shop.  🤭

[mpatterson]

“Said the unloved man.” 😂

you know it’s going to be good when that’s the end of the first sentence. 

[BobAzar]

 "My stepson who no longer talks to me does raps on the internet"

Nick Nelson? aka Nickle Nelly?

 

or is it Joe himself?

https://www.mlb.com/cut4/joe-mauer-once-had-a-secret-rap-studio-in-his-house-c216934768

[strumdatjag]

Joe deserves to get in.   He did what no catcher had done since the thirties, and then repeated it. Yes, he had boring walk-up music, boring interviews, many years with less than desirable power - But overall, he should be a shoe-in. 

Edited January 27, 2023 by Squirrel
Removed political discussion

[MinnInPa]

1 hour ago, strumdatjag said:

 Joe deserves to get in.   He did what no catcher had done since the thirties, and then repeated it. Yes, he had boring walk-up music, boring interviews, many years with less than desirable power - But overall, he should be a shoe-in. 

agreed ..1st ballot...  if they just elected Scott Rolen in ..Joe Mauer is a shoe in

 

[Yoke]

Lots of guys at Serum’s this afternoon are going to mad about this article.

[JensenGregory]

57 minutes ago, strumdatjag said:

Joe deserves to get in.   He did what no catcher had done since the thirties, and then repeated it. Yes, he had boring walk-up music, boring interviews, many years with less than desirable power - But overall, he should be a shoe-in. 

I'm sorry, did you just call "What You Know," an absolute banger from T.I., "boring"?

[JensenGregory]

I feel like I need to correct the record based on what I'm seeing in the comment section:

It's shoo-in, not "shoe in."

[Brock Beauchamp]

15 minutes ago, JensenGregory said:

I feel like I need to correct the record based on what I'm seeing in the comment section:

It's shoo-in, not "shoe in."

Heh. I actually learned this last night while reading a novel.

Always fun to realize you've been doing something wrong for about 35 years.

[Wizard11]

OK, that is definitely my favorite Stu ever.  Absolutely freakin’ hysterical 

[Chasase]

This is gotta be one of the craziest posts i have seen on this website

[djvang]

Hall of Famer as a catcher. Not as a slap hitting, powerless first baseman. Target Field took away his power. Most of his HR at the Dome were hit into the first couple of rows in left field. Those same balls were caught on the warning track at Target. And he never adjusted to that.

[Dave The Dastardly]

3 hours ago, Chasase said:

This is gotta be one of the craziest posts i have seen on this website

Stick around. You will be amazed.

 

[D. Hocking]

Going to be a rough day for some with the Twins Hall of Fame announcement.   

Not there are not about a million other milestones with his kids where he will miss his Dad more, but too bad Jake did not get to see this (the Twins Hall of Fame -- not Stu's article, although that as well).

[rwilfong86]

8 hours ago, MinnInPa said:

agreed ..1st ballot...  if they just elected Scott Rolen in ..Joe Mauer is a shoe in

 

He is the one player I would actually go to Cooperstown to see inducted.

[theBOMisthebomb]

1 hour ago, rwilfong86 said:

He is the one player I would actually go to Cooperstown to see inducted.

I'm right with you on that. I've been saying for years that when/if Joe Mauer gets elected to the Hall of Fame, I will make the pilgrimage to Cooperstown. 

[bigtrain]

It's hard to fathom that there are people out there who seriously believe that Joe Mauer belongs in the mlb Hall of Fame. Wow.

[rwilfong86]

30 minutes ago, theBOMisthebomb said:

I'm right with you on that. I've been saying for years that when/if Joe Mauer gets elected to the Hall of Fame, I will make the pilgrimage to Cooperstown. 

Well let's go for a drink together that weekend! 😅

[tony&rodney]

Randballs Stu, this might be funny if it wasn't so totally true. I'm a huge fan of the work of Buster Posey and some other catchers but Joe Mauer was the hands down best catcher in baseball from this century. It is insane that he ever received the venom or criticism from his so called local fans base. To those who disagree, go sit in a dark closet for three weeks until your concussion symptoms begin to dissipate.

[rwilfong86]

34 minutes ago, bigtrain said:

It's hard to fathom that there are people out there who seriously believe that Joe Mauer belongs in the mlb Hall of Fame. Wow.

Three batting titles, an MVP, 3 Gold Gloves, 5 Silver Sluggers. It's hard for me to fathom that there are people out there who don't believe he is a Hall of Famer. He may not be first ballot, but he definitely gets in.

[bigtrain]

Didn't say he wont 

[Beast]

Not sure this is far from the truth.

This guy was also likely, and very ironically, very upset about the Arraez trade.

[sampleSizeOfOne]

Two questions: 

What is so high about the alert these people are on? And why are they so willing to share?

I'm not sure this Tom Hanson, 58 has our best interest at heart, mixing July 4th with Xmas. Next thing you know, kids will be putting lit fire crackers in their stockings or under the tree. Or getting needles allover the american flag, ol' stars and stripes.

[Jeff D.]

Stud! Solid character, solid skill, solid representative for the Twins. Far beyond what we have patrolling CF and our dugout skipper.

Twins Geezer, out! Go Twins!

[Nine of twelve]

On 1/27/2023 at 5:26 AM, RandBalls Stu said:

“All I know is players used to play hurt or they didn’t play,” said Bruce Schafer, 62, of Dayton. “Mauer didn’t even play when he was healthy and now the woke mob wants me to act like he’s a Hall of Famer? Hell no.”

 

I think there's a spelling error. I'm sure he would have spelled it "Maurer".

[bigtrain]

On 1/27/2023 at 7:24 PM, rwilfong86 said:

Three batting titles, an MVP, 3 Gold Gloves, 5 Silver Sluggers. It's hard for me to fathom that there are people out there who don't believe he is a Hall of Famer. He may not be first ballot, but he definitely gets in.

He had some stats. I think we can all agree that if there were an HOF for Hollow Statistics, it would be named after Joe Mauer. Or maybe kirk cousins. If you were ever in a close game in late innings and needed a weak grounder to second, you could count on joe! 

[rwilfong86]

17 hours ago, bigtrain said:

He had some stats. I think we can all agree that if there were an HOF for Hollow Statistics, it would be named after Joe Mauer. Or maybe kirk cousins. If you were ever in a close game in late innings and needed a weak grounder to second, you could count on joe! 

[Nine of twelve]

On 1/27/2023 at 9:43 AM, JensenGregory said:

I feel like I need to correct the record based on what I'm seeing in the comment section:

It's shoo-in, not "shoe in."

It's comforting to know that I'm not the only who sometimes gets past the point of resisting correction of grammatical, spelling, and other language errors.

[USAFChief]

2 hours ago, Nine of twelve said:

It's comforting to know that I'm not the only one who sometimes gets past the point of resisting correction of grammatical, spelling, and other language errors.

FTFY