ANND Welcome Back! To Minnesota Twins Whine Line on a Sunday. It's a bittersweet day... The last game thread of the year for ol' Vanimal. Thank you to everyone who has stuck it out this long. I certainly would have checked out in April if it weren't for this community. We've got a special story to share... A story we like to call "The Moderator Club". Before we dive into the story, let's get the weather and lineups out of the way.

 

Partly cloudy skies and 80 degrees F at first pitch. Real Feel of 87 degrees, and heating up as we go along. Swirling winds from the SSW at 8 MPH.

 

Minnesota Twins (55-94)

 

 

P - Kyle Gibson ® - 8 IP 5 H 1 ER 4 K in a WINNING effort last start.

 

New York Mets (79-69)

 

 

P - Gabriel Ynoa ® - making his first MLB start today!

 

Alright! Story time! To set the mood, let's introduce our characters:

 

PG - Principal Glunn
Chi - Chitown, rebel and the toughest, coolest moderator there is
Ash - Ashburyjohn, the princess
North - TwinsNorth, the Canadian outcast
String - stringerbell, the brain
Chief - the jock
RB - the janitor

 

ANNND Action! 

 

PG: "You all should be ASHAMED of yourself! You think moderators just grow on trees?! Let me tell you, if you think going to detention is cool, then you're never going to make it far in life. As your punishment, you are going to SIT in this room, and write a 1,000 word essay."

 

Chi: "Pfft. Whatever. About what?"

 

PG: "What does moderating mean to you? You have until 4 PM to finish this essay. Until then, you will remain in your seats, no talking, and NO SLEEPING." *PG leaves the room*

 

RB: "Hahahahaha you losers have to write an essay! I bet String already wrote 500 words, he can't help himself with his large BRAIN."

 

String: "So what if I do have 500 words down? Why don't you go bother Chi or someone else."

 

North: "UGHHH!!!! THIS IS RIDICULOUS! WHY AM I HERE?!"

 

Ash: "Me too.. I mean, why am I not allowed to go shopping during school hours? Don't they know how pretty I am?"

 

Chief: "I'm just here so I don't get kicked off the bowling team. I'm heading out for a drink. Who's with me?"

 

Chi: "Go ahead. There's some things I want to do here first. Like rip down the chalkboard."

 

*Chief leaves the room to grab the bottle of whiskey from his locker.. As he takes a drink, Stringer comes walking by*

 

String: "Chief! What are you doing? Are you insane??"

 

Chief: "Relax, nerd. And take a swig."

 

String: "I can't do that! My parents will kill me!"

 

Chief: "You don't have a choice. Take a shot, or I'm knocking you down like a 7-10 split."

 

String: "Ugh.... Okay."

 

Chief: "Why are you here, String? I mean, you're the smartest kid in moderator school."

 

String: "Well, if you must know, it's because I didn't turn in an assignment on Friday. I knew I couldn't make it perfect in time."

 

Chief: "What was the assignment about?"

 

String: "I was supposed to write about my idol. I LOVE Brian Dozier, and write about him all the time whenever I'm at home. Check out these doodles of Dozier in my notebook! But I couldn't handle the pressure of talking about Dozier in 1,500 words."

 

Chief: "Hmm. I didn't know a geek like you could also like Brian Dozier. Perhaps we should consider watching a game together."

 

String: "Boy, watching a Twins game with the coolest bowler in school?! I'd love that!"

 

* Meanwhile, back in the classroom....*

 

RB: "Don't even think about it, Chi. Or I'll have Principal Glunn assign you another 3 weekends of detention."

 

Chi: "You can't tell me what to do! I'm going to rip down this chalkboard if it's the last thing I do!"

 

RB: "Oh, you think you're miss tough girl, huh? Destroying the school while I have to clean up your mess."

 

Chi: "Isn't that your job, JANITOR? How does one become a janitor anyway?"

 

RB: "You want to become a janitor? Well, I've learned a couple of things after cleaning up your mess the last 5 years. I've gone through your lockers, your desks, and I HEAR EVERYTHING. In fact, I know that you secretly admire Jose Berrios."

 

Chi: "That's privileged information! Not even my mother knows about my love for the Twins and Jose Berrios."

 

Ash: "Wait, you like Jose Berrios too? Whenever I go shopping, I dream about holding hands with Jose! Maybe we can watch a game together?"

 

Chi: "With you?"

 

Ash: "Well, yeah! We can do our hair and have a fashion show while Berrios is on the mound."

 

Chi: "I'm going to pretend you didn't say the last part, and tentatively agree to this."

 

Ash: "Ooooooo I can't wait!" 

 

*The scene fades in with everyone circled up in the Library.....

 

North: "You guys don't even know how hard it is to be the outcast Canadian... I had to pretend to be a Blue Jays fan my WHOLE life in order to please my parents."

 

Ash: "I know what you mean. I lie to my parents too.... I say I love going to fashion shows and going shopping, but I want to do something else instead."

 

Chief: "Preach it sister. My parents are on top of my every move so I don't lose my bowling scholarship. It makes me so MAD! Why can't I have some free time to do what I want to do?"

 

Chi: "At least your parents care. Why do you think I destroy everything in the school? I just want them to acknowledge I exist and take me to a baseball game."

 

String: "Baseball? I LOVE baseball! And I love Brian Dozier!!"

 

North: "Wait, you guys are Minnesota Twins fans too?"

 

Everyone at once: "YEP."

 

RB: "Would you look at that. Everyone found common ground! You all come from different cliques, but you all love your Minnesota Twins."

 

Ash: "Even you, RB?"

 

RB: "Even me, Ash. Now, what are you guys going to do about that essay? It's 3:57!"

 

Chief: "Don't you worry about that, RB...."

 

*Principal Glunn enters the library*

 

PG: "There you all are. Detention's almost over. Where are your essays?"

 

Chi: "We didn't write any stinkin' essays. But we all learned one thing."

 

PG: "Oh yeah? What's that?"

 

Everyone in unison: "GO TWINS!"

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CdqoNKCCt7A

Thank you everyone! See you on next year's game threads!!!!

They may have to move this to the "Questions about..." forum.

For the record

 

I'm the worst Janitor in the history of Janitors. 

For the record

 

I'm the worst Janitor in the history of Janitors.

I would say so. You were stealing drinks from the whiskey bottle in Chief's locker while they were in class!

I've always wanted to be a princess. Thanks for making me be a hawt one, Van.

http://vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/finalfantasy/images/3/3e/AsheEnding1.jpg

I've always wanted to be a princess. Thanks for making me be a hawt one, Van.

http://vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/finalfantasy/images/3/3e/AsheEnding1.jpg

Your avatar is PERFECT for the story!

I assure you, I was not educated in the US school system.

I assure you, I was not educated in the US school system.

Neither are most USians, or at least so we are told.

I taped North's buns together.

Excuse me, Principlal Glunn? Will milk be made available to us?

Excuse me, Principlal Glunn? Will milk be made available to us?

Um, that technically is my line. And, technically, it was stringer's friend's buns you taped together.

 

And this conversation has gotten really weird.

 

And wait until Ash shows us all how he can apply his lipstick hands-free.

And this conversation has gotten really weird.

This is pretty typical for mine or RB's game threads!

Hot off the presses:

New York Mets Lineup:

 

1. Alejandro De Aza (L) CF
2. T.J. Rivera ® 2B
3. Yoenis Cespedes ® LF
4. Michael Conforto (L) RF
5. Kelly Johnson (L) 3B
6. Travis d'Arnaud ® C
7. Lucas Duda (L) 1B
8. Matt Reynolds ® SS
9. Gabriel Ynoa ® P

Minnesota Twins Lineup:

1. Brian Dozier ® 2B
2. Logan Schafer (L) RF

3. Jorge Polanco (S) SS

4. Kennys Vargas (S) 1B

5. Robbie Grossman (S) LF

6. Byron Buxton ® CF

7. James Beresford (L) 3B

8. John Ryan Murphy ® C

9. Kyle Gibson ® P

How lucky are we to watch Schafer batting 2nd today? OHHH Boy! 

6. Byron Buxton ® CF

This has to be a misprint. With Grossman in LF, Buxton will be playing left-center, won't he?

I taped North's buns together.

If this wasn't a family show I'd walk through the multiple doors that just opened.

Show of hands...On opening day, who here had Schafer, Polanco, Vargas, Grossman hitting 2-3-4-5 for the Twins in a September game?

If this wasn't a family show I'd walk through the multiple doors that just opened.

Show of hands...On opening day, who here had Schafer, Polanco, Vargas, Grossman hitting 2-3-4-5 for the Twins in a September game?

I'm sure Reusse did. That little information ferret.

eight is still the magic number to avoid 100 losses.

Great job Van! As for my characterization--I'm pretty sure I'd do whatever Chief suggested.

The upside to NL games? At least Molitor can't use Suzuki as a DH.

Great job Van! As for my characterization--I'm pretty sure I'd do whatever Chief suggested.

There's a reason you've survived this long. I would continue to do whatever Chief suggested.

 

There's a reason you've survived this long. I would continue to do whatever Chief suggested.

pffft ... I'm putting crazy glue in the finger holes of his bowling ball.

Show of hands...On opening day, who here had Schafer, Polanco, Vargas, Grossman hitting 2-3-4-5 for the Twins in a September game?

Only in my wildest imagination would I have dared to think that.

pffft ... I'm putting crazy glue in the finger holes of his bowling ball.

Finger holes??

 

Pfft. I palm the sumbitch.

There's a reason you've survived this long. I would continue to do whatever Chief suggested.

I have yet to set foot on his lawn. That's how much I respect the man.

 

How lucky are we to watch Schafer batting 2nd today? OHHH Boy! 

Almost as lucky as watching Beresford and Murphy batting consecutively. 

Almost as lucky as watching Beresford and Murphy batting consecutively. 

Buckle up, strap in, it's gonna be a wild ride.

Byron Buxton, batting sixth, to John Ryan Murphy, batting eighth: "Ha ha, you're the new me."