"Why in the name of all things Holy did they send Miguel Sano to Chattanooga - AA?? Not only did Sano show his power, but he even stole a base! Sano did everything you could ask of him this spring, and he was rewarded by spending another season toiling in the minor leagues.

What's the point of getting top prospects if you're not going to use them?! It's obvious that Terry Ryan has no idea what he's doing, and Paul Molitor is just another pawn in Ryan's game of saving the Pohlad's money. I thought things were going to change in 2015: New manager, new pitching, and a new spring training facility.

Clearly I was wrong. The Old Boy's Club is alive and well in Twins Territory. Joe Mauer is going to fail to earn his contract for another season. Phil Hughes will pitch like Scott Baker because he has that huge contract. What does he have to work for anymore?! Mike Pelfrey will be the Twins 5th starter since the Twins wouldn't put him in the bullpen or AAA due to his contract.

We're going to lose, and we're going to lose in a historically bad way. Kasota Gold is stupid. Changing 'Twins Territory' is stupid. Taking out the pine trees in centerfield was stupid. Everything the Twins do is stupid. The Twins suck, and I won't watch another game until they win the Series in 2037!"

**Obligatory "THIS IS A SATIRICAL POST" reminder**