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Peanuts from Heaven

A blog by PeanutsFromHeaven in Twins Daily

  • Entries

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About this blog

[FONT=Arial]Welcome to our Twins blog. We'll bring up some "facts" and "stats", from time to time, but our real strength lies in sarcasm, silliness and Yankee-baiting.[/FONT]

Entries in this blog

Wha' Happened #9 (GAME OF THE WEEK)

Rather than continually reposting the same stuff here as on my other website--and since these recaps are often (week) late--I'm going to trim down these posts to more manageable bite size single best game write ups I've got, and trust that if you want to read more you will find it at THIS WEBSITE!   Game 69 Twins 7 - White Sox 5 The Twins do not care for power hitting. It hurts the feelings of our opponents after all, and we can't have that. But we're willing to make an exception for the White S

Those Damn Yankees: Dealing with Fans

This post (and a wealth of other goofy ones like it) is available at our independent website: Peanuts From Heaven Inc.  http://blogs.villagevoice.com/runninscared/images/yankee_fans-600.jpg Most people have a "Yankees fans stink" story. Back at the Metrodome, my wife and her father sat in front of three "woo-girls" from Iowa, so desperate for Derek Jeter's attention that they squealed and shouted "pretty much every time he existed". The game didn't matter, just Jeter's existence. I was in a g

Wha Happened? #8 (@ Kansas City, Washington; V.s. Philadelphia and Detroit)

[TABLE=class: tr-caption-container] [TD=align: center]http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_74rxwcNBKQ/UUkasIXqzcI/AAAAAAAACIU/egClCMdtGK8/s200/Dedudebro.jpg [/TD] [TD=class: tr-caption, align: center]Look out ladies! [/TD] [/TABLE] Game 57 Twins 3 - Royals 0 Right after we honored him as Mr. Peanut for the past two weeks, Ryan Doumit kept it going all Magic Mike Style, bringing sexy back as only he can.     Or like one other person can...because Samuel De-dude-bro joined in the party, rockin' the Roya

Adopt a Prospect Volume 2.3: Dange-atunity!

It's time for Lesson Number 3 in our off-brand self-help seminar: Derestraining a Force Inside You. (If you want to read lessons 1 & 2 follow the links back to our original blogs...we'll even waive the $79.99 charge plus parking fees!) A series of motivational messages directed specifically at Twins AAA reliever Luis Perdomo. Remember this word Luis! 危机 What's that? You don't speak Mandarin? Oh...well if you did you'd be really impressed. You see, that's the traditional symbol for "crisis

Numbers don't Count: Draft Analysis in 5 words or less

It's that time once again, every year we "analyze" the Twins drafting decisions by summarizing the strengths and weaknesses of players. Rather than do that with any depth, direction or purpose (which is soooooo not our style), we rapidly blurt out 5 words and pass them off as "analysis" or "humorous"..hopefully you agree (and appreciate my endless attempts to reinvigorate the cliched "never give up on lefties)   Thanks to the many fine folks at Twins Daily who compiled this list Apologies for th

Brothers

I made plans for this weekend. I bought tickets to the Twins and the Nationals on Saturday, three of them. One for me, one for my older brother, and one for my eldest niece (2 years and 8 months as of Monday). I flew out right after giving students their last exam, and--with essays to grade on my tray table--got quietly more and more excited about the prospect of baseball with my family.     This morning I went with said niece and my brother to the Air and Space Museum, enjoying my time a

Wha Happened? #7 (Red Sox, Braves, Tigers, Brewers, Brewers, Mariners)

There was agony during the last two weeks of Twins baseball (including 7 straight losses to run a losing streak to 10) and ecstasy (including winning 6 of their last 7). The season continues tonight in Kansas City, but before you see that game, let's review what happened in the last few weeks. Game 40 Red Sox 3 - Twins 2 Remember about a month ago, when we went into Boston and dominated the Red Sox to win 3 of 4? Turns out they didn't like that very much. And brought a rather curt "Don't Mess Wi

Adopt a Prospect Volume 2.2: De-Restraining the Force Inside

It's a frickin' monsoon out there little rainy today, and rather than stare hopefully at the FSN rain delay, hoping that the game restarts and the Twins suddenly remember the good ol' days of two weeks ago when they could crush the Red Sox as easily as a twig under a space ship, we decided to revisit our old pal Luis Perdomo! Then we saw the statistics and remembered that Luis needs a motivation coach. So it's high time for lesson number two: (This instruction was intended for Luis Perdomo only.

Wha Happened? #6 (Indians, Red Sox, Orioles and White Sox)

Rumors of our demise our greatly exaggerated. Rumors of the school year ending, our student teacher leaving and our work load increasing dramatically are absolutely accurate. Here now, a pseudo-recap of the weeks since the Twins last got a day off. Game 27 Indians 7 - Twins 6 Long ago I first wrote about the magical Land of Cleve, a blighted kingdom where no team can win for long and where all the knights in the land eventually flee for other kingdom's with better salaries and dental packages

Wha Happened? #5 (vs Rangers and @ Tigers)

Here again, is a brief and not at all accurate reflection of how the Twins did over the past week   Game 20 Rangers 2 - Twins 1 Despite the evening's overlong, numbingly-slow, seemingly interminable catalogue of the talents of others, the Twin Cities were delighted by their own brief shining moment of glory. But enough has been written about the Vikings' draft...The Twins also played and saw Josh Willingham hit a homerun in a losing effort to a more talented Rangers squad. In other news: The

There's no Punting in Baseball

From time to time, I pause in my pursuit of the goofiest possible photoshops, to write things about other things. Such writing reflects my opinions and is not reflective of the opinions of editors at Twins Daily or readers like you. I hope it inspires questions and discussion, and if it simply irritates you, don't worry I'll be back to the photoshops soon.   As you may know, people really like sports. Lots of people. Millions of people. And they like it so much that they will furiously dissect t

Wha Happened #4 (@ White Sox & v.s. Marlins)

Here's your quick, easy, inaccurate guide to the last week in Twins Baseball Game 15   Cold Weathered Out After going all the way to Chicago just to find out that another game would be postponed due to inclement weather, the Twins groaned loudly in protest. Manager Ron Gardenhire's offer to take everyone out for ice cream was a nice thought but...seriously...whose thinking about ice cream on the 79th day of February?       Game 16   Twins 2 - White Sox 1 In the afternoon, we peanu

Adopt a Prospect Volume 2: Helping Luis Perdomo get his Groove Back

http://mobile.milb.com/images/players/mugshot/ph_466412.jpgWhen last we left Louie P. he was capping a stellar 2012 season with an abysmal September call-up full of tears, recriminations and the natural side-effects of too much time spent around Jose Bautista. It was a tumultuous offseason for Perdomo as well, getting cast down from the opulence of the majors to an out right assignment to Rochester. He also lost his bearded prominence among Twins' pitchers to a couple of guys who broke camp wit

Wha Happened? #3 (vs Mets and Angels)

Game 10 Mets 16 - Twins 5 [TABLE=class: tr-caption-container] [TD=align: center]http://www.newyorker.com/images/covers/1925/1925_02_21_p233.jpg[/TD] [TD=class: tr-caption, align: center]Artists rendering of a Metropolitan player[/TD] [/TABLE] Yeah...that happened. But on the plus side, at least our name isn't a shortened form of the snobby title "Metropolitans". As in: "Oh, how droll! The Metropolitans have bested those cold weather klutzes in Minnesota! I must broach the topic with my Mon

Wha Happened? #3 (vs Mets and Angels)

Game 10 Mets 16 - Twins 5 [TABLE=class: tr-caption-container] [TD=align: center]http://www.newyorker.com/images/covers/1925/1925_02_21_p233.jpg [/TD] [TD=class: tr-caption, align: center]Artists rendering of a Metropolitan player [/TD] [/TABLE] Yeah...that happened. But on the plus side, at least our name isn't a shortened form of the snobby title "Metropolitans". As in: "Oh, how droll! The Metropolitans have bested those cold weather klutzes in Minnesota! I must broach the topic with my M

Wha Happened? #3 (vs Mets and Angels)

Game 10 Mets 16 - Twins 5 [TABLE=class: tr-caption-container] [TD=align: center]http://www.newyorker.com/images/covers/1925/1925_02_21_p233.jpg [/TD] [TD=class: tr-caption, align: center]Artists rendering of a Metropolitan player [/TD] [/TABLE] Yeah...that happened. But on the plus side, at least our name isn't a shortened form of the snobby title "Metropolitans". As in: "Oh, how droll! The Metropolitans have bested those cold weather klutzes in Minnesota! I must broach the topic with my M

Wha Happened? #2 (@ Orioles and Royals)

We're happy to keep guiding you through the strange but true events of the Twins 2013 season *Note: Events are not actually true, but would be very entertaining if they were.   Here's our second edition of Twins recaps as only we can do them: inaccurately but chock full of puns and bad jokes! Game 4 Orioles 9-Twins 5 [TABLE=class: tr-caption-container] [TD=align: center] [/TD] [TD=class: tr-caption, align: center]MASN Sports [/TD] [/TABLE] Picking up where he left off last year, Liam Hend

Now closing for the Twins: James Bond

Growing up, there were three songs that would invariably draw my entire family in to the tv room: "One Shining Moment", "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" and "The James Bond Theme". Last Friday (after Chris Davis crushed the hopes of Twins fans with a game-winning grand slam), I watched a James Bond documentary (Everything or Nothing available on Netflix streaming) to cheer myself up. [TABLE=class: tr-caption-container, align: center] http://cdn.wittysparks.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/05/007.jpg?a

Wha Happened? #1 (v.s. Tigers)

In an effort to keep my blogging on a more consistent time-line, I have decided that rather than writing when the mood strikes me (or when I sigh dispiritedly at my inactivity), I will try to post short recaps of each series after they wrap up--this way I have a regular time to write and a consistent subject to write about. Of course, while lots of people will tell you what happened, only we Peanuts can tell you what happened...in our imagination! Game 1 Tigers 4-Twins 2 When the game time te

Why the City Pages are Silly

Like everything else I write: this is also available at our original site: Peanuts from Heaven   It's a spring-time tradition. When Spring Break arrives, I say goodbye to my students, make a few Arrested Development jokes with my colleagues, and pick up as much as I can find on the impending baseball season This year, in addition to the standard season preview issues of Sports Illustrated and ESPN, I also picked up the City Pages, on the basis of it's ominous headline "Baseball's Fiscal Cliff: A

Opening Day Preview!

Welcome to Opening Day! Before we begin we have a SUPER SPECIAL NEW FEATURE!!! If you don't know who to cheer for, we can help with that. Just check out a link to our "Find your Favorite" Feature and answer a few questions to help match you with a current Twin. We should also welcome the latest addition to our Peanuts From Heaven Hall of Fame: Jim Thome! http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-mx1BkSnV68Q/UVjKwl7Zc0I/AAAAAAAACI4/Rzh5_l-W-uE/s400/JimboHOF.jpg Thome crossed the 75% threshold just ahead of oth

Our Minnesota Twins (Part 7)

It's our final Get To Know 'Em post this Spring and we're delighted to send it off in style with two rising talents in the Twins ranks. (And for those who have hated these posts, don't worry...they're done...for now) Meet Chris Parmelee! (Right Fielder/First Baseman) [TABLE=class: tr-caption-container] [TD=align: center]http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-jMaXCeYbXzU/STxicN4O5XI/AAAAAAAAA-M/OhpxprjM0V0/s200/Boras.jpg [/TD] [TD=class: tr-caption, align: center]Scott Boras at home [/TD] [/TABLE] Play

Our Minnesota Twins (Part 6)

As we near the end of our introduction to the new and improved Minnesota Twins we consider a few players who might not be around as much as we in the "let's-have-fun-and-laugh-a-little-at-the-Twins" crowd might like. Meet Jamey Carroll! (Infielder) Player's Background: Jamey Carroll is many things, a scrappy infielder (hey, where have we heard that before?), a clubhouse leader, the last surviving Expo. Above all he is a journeyman utility player who can (and does) play third base, short stop

Our Minnesota Twins (Part 5)

The Twins season begins in less than 1 week! And yet there are still more players to meet as we continue to get to know our versions of the major league roster. Meet Brian Dozier! (Second Baseman/Infielder) Player's Background: A small, scrappy infielder out of Mississippi, Brian Dozier earned the attention of Twin scouts at the University of Southern Mississippi (presumably because the same year he was drafted Brett Favre [another Southern Miss grad] was working out in Hattiesburg). After ju

Our Minnesota Twins (Part 4)

It's your last chance to cruise over to our original site and vote for the PFH Hall of Fame: honoring the funnest Twins players in the history of our blogging.   We're a week into getting to know OUR versions of the Minnesota Twins. And while there's plenty to cheer for already, there are others we have yet to meet...so here we go! Meet Trevor Plouffe! (Third Baseman/Infielder) Player's Background: Drafted in 2004, Plouffe's rise to prominence has been a whole lot more "mediocre" than "meteor

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