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Citing increased vaccination rates and falling COVID numbers, Minnesota Governor Tim Walz announced new metrics for roasting the hell out of the Minnesota Twins. “I’m incredibly proud of the work Minnesotans have done in getting us to this point,” said Walz. “The epic failure of the Minnesota Twins in the first month of the season deserves a vigorous, full-throated response. And soon all of us will be able to provide it.” Walz revealed a graduated plan that will allow all Minnesotans to beat the holy hell out of the underperforming 11-19 squad no later than July 1st. PHASE 1 May 7: Fully vaccinated individuals can gather to craft “FIRE ROCCO” signage for use at home games before ushers remove them. Non-vaccinated or partially vaccinated individuals can write strongly worded posts on social media about the subpar play of Max Kepler, Miguel Sano, and Jorge Polanco. Minnesotans age 21 and older can take one (1) day off work at full pay, citing an “epic hangover, dude” after watching the bullpen crumble. Gleeman and the Geek listeners can get 25% off their first month of the Calm app. Use code “YOU KNOW WHO ELSE HAD ONE ACL BECKY? BATMAN. BATMAN HAD ONE ACL, BECKY” to subscribe. PHASE 2 May 28: All Minnesotans can gather indoors to be sad about baseball. Mask up if the group is 500+. All Minnesotans can yell at the sky about how unfair the injuries to Alex Kiriloff, Luis Arraez, or Byron Buxton are. Faith-based prayer and or cursing also acceptable and encouraged. Full-on heave crying in fully ventilated areas now permitted. Masks preferred but not required. If Minnesotans are choosing between an illegal stream of the Twins game or watching Twister on HBO, watching Twister on HBO is now recommended. Bill Paxton would have wanted it this way. Also way less spyware on the HBOMax app. Gleeman and the Geek listeners can get a free personal grooming kit from Harrys.com. Use the code “FIGHT ME, BUSTER OLNEY” to take advantage of this special offer. PHASE 3 July 1: If things are still bad, all Minnesotans can gather at the Blue Mounds State Park in Luverne to light a cleansing fire. It all burns in the fire. Snacks and refreshments will be provided. Corey Koskie will probably be there? Twins fans who are also Vikings fans can shift their focus to demanding Kellen Mond replace Kirk Cousins at quarterback even in poorly ventilated Willy McCoy's bar areas.

The Events Join a limited group of 100 fellow Twins fans listening to a special podcast and watching a Twins road game at one of John and Aaron’s favorite local craft beer taprooms with Gleeman and the Geek! Honestly, how many great things are in that last sentence? And it gets better - at each taproom: You’ll receive a free pint glass with the Gleeman and Geek Tuesday Taproom Tour logo (our own tap handle!) on one side and the brewery’s logo on the other. And each taproom’s glass will be a different color. (You need to attend the event to get the glass. We cannot mail them.) You’ll get a free craft beer. You’ll get another free craft beer for a future visit. There will be a giveaway at first pitch, last out and during the game. Aaron and John will talk Twins and answer questions during the game to the assembled crowd and it will all be on a special release podcast. Your question could be featured on the podcast. The Tour We’ll be attending four of our favorite taprooms that you’ve heard on the show. All four dates are Tuesday nights: 4/25 – 7:00 – 10:00 at Northgate Brewing (vs Texas Rangers) 5/23 – 6:05 – 9:00 at 612 Brew (vs Baltimore Orioles) 6/27 – 6:05 – 9:00 at Tin Whiskers (vs Boston Red Sox) 8/22 – 7:05 – 10:00 at Fair State Coop (vs Chicago White Sox) Tickets Unfortunately, you can’t just arrive at the door, as we expect to sell out and these taprooms have a limited capacity. You’ll be able to get tickets right here by going to TuesdayTaproomTour.com (which will take you right back here) on the 24th at 8AM. If the season pass does not sell out, individual event tickets will be sold for $15 and will go on sale the day after Opening Day, which is 4/3, provided any are still available. However, you can buy tickets to all four events for just $40. These go on sale at 8:00 on Friday March 24th and are the only way to get tickets to the events through Opening Day. We have less than 100 tickets available, so it is very possible they sell out and we are unable to offer individual tickets. Locations Northgate Brewery is in NE Minneapolis, at 783 Harding St NE, Minneapolis, MN 55413. They specialize in British inspired beers. 612 Brew is in NE Minneapolis at 945 Broadway St NE, Minneapolis, MN 55413. Their taproom is in an iconic NE Mpls warehouse, and features art on the walls and coming out of the taps. Tin Whiskers is located in Lowertown at 125 9th St E, St. Paul, MN 55101. Started by electrical engineers, it features beer with twists on traditional favorites. Fair State Brewing is located in NE Minneapolis at 2506 Central Ave NE, Minneapolis, MN 55418. Their evolving beer lineup features traditional styles as well as an array of sours. Contact your friends or significant other or siblings or parents or whoever, but get a group together and join us. We've very excited to try putting together a series of events that brings together the Gleeman and the Geek and Twins Daily community on a regular basis. We would love to have you there.

The Twins, despite their dreadful record, are almost exactly league average when it comes to offensive production. Collectively, Minnesota owns an OPS+ of 101, meaning they sport an OPS that is 1% better than average. They rank eighth in OPS (.745), ninth in home runs (186), third in doubles (272), and lead the league in triples (33). Perhaps most importantly, the Twins are tied for seventh in the American League in runs scored. Runs per game of AL teams through 9/19/16 So the Twins offense is decidedly middle-of-the-road. In fact, if their pitching and defense were simply bad, and not horrendous, the Twins would likely be hovering near .500. Instead, the Twins have allowed 827 runs this season, a full 114 more than the next worst team (Oakland). To put that into perspective, the gaps between all other American League teams adds up to 113 runs. If run prevention were a marathon, the other 14 teams would be bunched near the finish line and the Twins would be at mile 15. The Twins pitching and defense are so bad, that it puts into question the team’s offensive rankings. Every other team on that list has had the opportunity to play against the Twins. They’ve all gotten fat by racking up runs against an outlier of a team. It's time to correct for that outlier. Using Baseball Reference’s Head-to-Head feature, it was fairly easy to look up runs scored and games played, then to subtract the totals from games played against the Twins. To further balance the playing field, I decided to also remove interleague games (which I also did for the Twins). Runs per game for AL teams and R/G adjusted to remove Twins games and interleague play. Good through 9/19/16. The Twins move up a slot, and claim sixth place, narrowly edging out the Blue Jays. While the Twins’ score went down slightly (the Twins scored slightly more often against National League teams), most teams saw their score drop by more. Only three teams actually improved their scores, most notably the Rangers, who never got going against the Twins, and who jump into second place offensively. The Red Sox are still in their own realm, but the gap has narrowed. It is interesting to note that the three division leaders still retain the top three spots, and the last five teams are still the bottom five, just in a different order. The biggest loser was Toronto, which fell from fourth to seventh, due to a gaudy 50 runs scored against the Twins in just seven games. All in all, Twins fans can take solace in the fact that, by this crude measure, the Twins offense is solidly above average. But we can dig deeper. This approach still doesn’t take into account the wildly unbalanced schedule even within the same league. Some teams play each other just six times, while others play 19 times. And the Twins aren’t the only ones with particularly bad (or particularly good) pitching staffs. I decided to do the same exercise, only to average the R/G in each individual match-up to simulate a league in which every team played every other team the same number of games. Because the point of reference was the Twins, and the Twins can’t play themselves, I still decided to exclude the games against the Twins for all other teams. By also ignoring interleague games, the result was a league in which the other 14 teams each had 13 opponents, with their R/G of each match-up worth 1/13th of their over all score. The Twins had 14 opponents, so each match-up counts for 1/14th of their overall score. Remember, the goal here is to compare the Twins’ run production against the rest of the league, both by eliminating games played against the Twins, and by averaging out the scores from all the teams to reflect their schedules. Let’s see how the Twins stack up: Runs per game, adjusted to remove Twins and inter-league games, and weighted for a balanced schedule. Good through 9/19/16. Top five! The Twins’ score stays the same (just a coincidence), but Seattle drops from fifth to seventh, making room for the Twins in the top five. Also note that the Indians fall down to fourth, with their lowest score yet. I’d be interested to see this same exercise done excluding games against Cleveland. After all, the Indians are the only team in the league that doesn’t have to face the stellar Cleveland pitching staff. Now I know this was a silly exercise, but it underscores three things: The Twins have been reasonably proficient at scoring runs. If offense was all that mattered, it’s conceivable that the Twins are a wildcard team. The Twins are really bad at preventing runs, and most teams have taken advantage of that. Scoring lots of runs isn’t enough, unless you can also find a way to prevent your opponent from doing the same. Because while the Twins are sitting in fifth place in these standings, they’re dead last in the ones that count.