Negativity Police

Attention all TD Posters: you have the right to remain positive. Everything is perfectly fine. Remember, loyal fans, you cannot spell Twin without 'win.' So, there's that.

Gone drinkin.'

And my work here is done. But, I can’t take all of the credit. Most? Almost certainly, yes. But, I want to thank all of you, TwinsDaily. You’ve come such a long way in a very short amount of time. I am very proud of the progress we’ve made here today. I must be gone now. Cry not for me. Hold on to the memory of what we accomplished here today. There’s a lesson to be learned in all of this, and I trust that each of you has taken heed. It takes a big man to confront his demons, to accept failure, and to mitigate our hyperactive emotions, particularly in the arena of professional sport. It takes a bigger man to suppress those emotions—to take them and shove them so far down into a handle of Evan Williams brand bourbon, that one no longer knows what day it is, nor what our record may be. It takes the biggest man to stand up to the negative nellies of the world and stuff all their sorry’s in a sack—to point fingers and call out the Randy Quaids from Major Leauge of the world. Some may say that I am doing the Lord’s work. I would argue that I am doing Torii’s work. It has been a pleasure to serve you, Twins Daily. Be positive. Be merry. Be Gung Ho for Byung Ho, and may Sano be with you. Now and forever. I have to go now. My planet needs me. Hit me up on facebook, dudes!

We can all breathe. We can all breathe easy and be merry.

I'm hit! Need backup!

PINCH!!!! I trusted you...

HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE EM! Down on the ground! Now!!!!!

Let's not go nuts.

Be cool, TwinsDaily. Be cool. I don't want to have to get rough.

Ugh. Spider avatar? Strike two. Gross.

There ya' go. That's two from me. I like your style.

Just thought I'd mention, in case there are any educators out there: this is all straight from my new program for youngsters. It's called D.A.R.E. Drink And Rethink Everything.

That is the power of positivity. I hope you all learned something this afternoon.

Don't you dare look at me cockeyed. Strike one.

I'm going to look past this one.

I appreciate the followup. I may not understand it, but I was a kid once too. Boy, i could wavy gravy with the best of 'em. I shouldn't do this, but...just make sure the kid gets home safely. Move along.

Well, we all appreciate your cooperation.

Vaguely negative. You're on notice. Where's Bark? Maybe he can crack this code.

You better not. You try that and you'll have to change your name to HitandGotPinched.

Everyone take a note from Mr. Vanimal. If you ever feel the urge to say something negative, go out and get totally butt-faced. You'll be the friendliest golldurn sonofagun either side of the Mississippi.

Just doing my job.

Steeeerike two!

You guys are doing great.

OK, everybody just COOOOOL OUT.

You're getting dangerously close to a double-negative, there fancy boy. I HATE double-negatives.