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It may seem like just yesterday that Joe Mauer donned his catching equipment one last time before saying farewell to a roaring Target Field crowd. But it’s now been five years since his 2018 retirement, meaning the lifelong Twin is eligible for Baseball’s Hall of Fame.
And for the most miserable bastards in Minnesota, it couldn’t come soon enough.
“As much as I hate to admit it, I’ve missed him since he retired,” said Tom Hanson, 58. The Anoka resident and classic North Metro redass has been banned from every social media website ever created. “He’s the worst baseball player I’ve ever seen and he should be in jail for stealing money from hard-working Minnesotans. But all the same, I’ve missed sending angry emails about him to our bought-and-paid-for local media shills.”
Hanson, who is no longer welcome in the IHOP family of breakfast restaurants, foresees a multi-year campaign against the former American League MVP.
“The first year, I expect the baseball writers to step up and keep him out because they do that to good players, too,” said Hanson. “Patriots will do the heavy lifting after that. A sustained barrage of complaints to talk radio, comments left in newspaper comment sections, skywriting. My stepson who no longer talks to me does raps on the internet, it would be nice to bring him into the fold if (ex-fourth wife) Bonnie would quit being such a [INCREDIBLY VILE EXPLETIVE].”
Hanson isn’t alone.
“All I know is players used to play hurt or they didn’t play,” said Bruce Schafer, 62, of Dayton. “Mauer didn’t even play when he was healthy and now the woke mob wants me to act like he’s a Hall of Famer? Hell no.”
Schafer, who frequently shares inaccurate stories about vaccine efficacy and Barack Obama’s long-form birth certificate on Facebook, said the opportunity to set the record straight about the three-time batting champ is one he welcomes.
“This is like Christmas and the 4th of July all in one,” said the unloved man. “There are kids out there who’ve never heard the term ‘bilateral leg weakness’ used to mock someone with a brain injury. Just another example of cancel culture going too far.”

Last season for the Marlins, Pablo López posted a 3.75 ERA along with a 3.71 FIP. He’s jumped his strikeouts over one per inning in the past three seasons and continues to develop as a pitcher. His changeup is noteworthy, and his velocity sits in the mid-90s. Having debuted as a 22-year-old in 2018, he’s just entering his age-27 season.
Minnesota has seemingly been in a never-ending quest for quality starting pitching. After acquiring Cincinnati Reds starters Sonny Gray and Tyler Mahle last year, the rotation as a whole grew stronger at the top. While Joe Ryan did start on Opening Day, he projects to slot in as a more middle-to-back-end type of arm. The Twins also will return veteran Kenta Maeda this season, and they have depth in the form of Bailey Ober, Josh Winder, and Simeon Woods Richardson.
The goal for Derek Falvey this offseason was to acquire a talent that met the Gray-threshold. Ideally,
Rocco Baldelli needs another arm that can pitch in a short playoff series and be trusted to get the job done. While it may be debatable how close they truly are, López can certainly be that guy.
Like the Twins did at the deadline, their goal in acquiring arms has been to avoid rentals. They would like to have time to work with pitchers and unlock whatever ceiling is seen for each individual. López is under two more years of team control via arbitration and is projected to make just over $5 million this year per MLB Trade Rumors.
A pitcher at that level, and with that amount of team control, isn’t going to come without a significant cost. That’s where 2022 American League Batting champion Luis Arraez enters the picture. He is a talented player that is truly beloved in the clubhouse and the fanbase. When unveiling their new uniforms back in November, Minnesota opted to have him on stage, and his smile was beaming. Arraez has only known the Twins organization throughout his professional career.
 
Minnesota fans know they are giving up a guy that doesn’t strike out, gets on base, and consistently hits for a high average. However, Derek Falvey is also likely conscious of Arraez’s deficiencies. Arraez has balky knees that have kept him from finishing seasons in recent years and is limited defensively, starting 94 games at first base and designated hitter last year. He has definitely done an admirable job shoring up first base when Baldelli needed him this year, but that position could be ticketed for Alex Kirilloff , among others, in 2023.
In the deal, Minnesota also gets Jose Salas from Miami, per Craig Mish. An infield prospect currently ranked 5th in the Marlins pipeline, he is a 19-year-old that spent 2022 playing at Single-A. With a .722 OPS across 109 games, Salas flashed some power blasting nine home runs. Baseball America’s profile of him this year concluded that “No matter where he winds up on the diamond, his offensive skills will make him a valuable player.” So the Twins add more young talent to their up-the-middle prospects on the farm.
The final piece of the deal going to Minnesota is 17-year-old outfield prospect Byron Chourio , per Mark Feinsand. He made his professional debut in the Dominican Summer League last season playing 51 games. The .838 OPS was impressive, and largely backed by his nine doubles. There is some speed there as well considering he swiped 19 bases.
There’s no denying that Minnesota is getting a very good arm back in this deal, but López will have the weight of the world on his shoulders each time he goes out, knowing a fan favorite and clubhouse good guy was his price.

June 6-8 @ Tampa Bay Rays (3 games)
Tropicana Field - 2022 attendance was 1,128,127 (ranked 14th out of 15 AL teams, 28th overall MLB)
It made sense on paper. Home of Spring Training and epi-center of major league baseball for two months each year, so why not put an actual franchise in town? 1998 brought MLB and the Tampa/St. Pete metro area its own ballclub: The Tampa Bay Devil Rays. They celebrated by losing at least 90 games in each of their first 10 seasons!
Then after a 2008 name change to the Rays (think “sunshine,” not “animal”), the tide turned in many respects. Their first World Series appearance and a constant stream of small market success stories defined the next decade. Attendance, however, hasn’t followed suit. 
Tropicana Field boasts the notorious label of being “unattractive” and “nondescript.” A concrete dome, with Astroturf (that even the Astros stopped using…), optical illusions from the seating arrangement, and catwalks that giveth (Jason Kubel in 2010) and taketh away (Miguel Sano in 2015). Tropicana Field defines “quirky.” 
But apparently, the game experience itself can be a lot of fun. Dancing grounds crews, a live ray tank in the outfield (think “animal,” not “sunshine”), a Ted Williams and Hitters Halls of Fame, and plenty of room to roam make the Tropicana experience a good buy. If you can time the series right, you can also catch a few minor league games in the area while you are there.
I’m not sure that the Twins have a “history” at Tropicana Field. The Rays’ rise coincided with the Twins’ decline most recently. Rocco Baldelli grew up in the organization. Delmon Young and the Nelson Cruz/Joe Ryan trade stick out a bit. 
But whenever the rumor mill kicks up an idea to have the Rays play half of their season in Tampa and half in Montreal, or when a “new Nashville team” emerges as buyers, I’m forced to remember the days of contraction threats made against the Twins. We’ve been in a crappy dome before, one with World Series appearances, cherished memories of young teams on the rise, and a roof that messes up the actual play on the field. So my heart goes out to the fanbase there. I’m not ashamed to admit that this is actually the stadium I’m most excited to see this year, just so I can see for myself what all the fuss is about.
I’m bummed that the Mighty Mussels are playing at the exact same times, so I can’t check them out. I’ll have to settle for the Salvador Dali Museum, the Sunken Gardens, or the Florida Aquarium. (I checked that out with my eldest son on our last trip here and loved it.) The Big Cat Rescue also is pretty sweet, except for that my grandma and grandpa-in-law used to live next to it, and the wake-up roars at 5 am weren’t so pleasant.
At 1704 miles from Mitchell, I’m flying into Tampa, and definitely flying the 1357 miles into Toronto for the next series. The last time I was in Tampa for spring training, no rental cars existed in the town for about 36 hours. What could go wrong!!?
June 9-11 @ Toronto Blue Jays (3 games)
Rogers Centre - 2022 attendance was 2,653,830 (ranked 3rd out of 15 AL teams, 8th overall MLB)
When Toronto got their MLB franchise in 1977, they started out in a retro-fitted football field called Exhibition Stadium. 1989 brought the SkyDome (renamed Rogers Centre in 2005), soon to gain classic replay status for Joe Carter ’s World Series winner and back-to-back championships. In the 2010’s, the Blue Jays even boasted the highest attendance in the American League!
The SkyDome/Rogers Centre boasts about being the first stadium in the world with a fully retractable motorized roof, hosts a hotel with rooms that look out onto the field, and rests within the Old Downtown neighborhood of the 4th largest city in North America. The field itself? A bit cookie-cutter in form, with excellent food and tourist vibes throughout the concourses. 
The Twins’ history with Rogers Centre includes the American League Championship Series three road game victories that propelled them to the 1991 World Series, 50-50 success over the past 4 seasons, and a small dose of covid vaccine controversy. With travel restrictions lifted, and a Blue Jay squad with aspirational World Series goals, this should make for a fun mid-season match-up!
The sounds, tastes, and sights of Toronto are pretty epic it sounds like. CN Tower observation deck, Lake Ontario beaches and waterfront, the Hockey Hall of Fame, and an actual “distillery district,” all exist within a few blocks of the ballpark. I have a passport. I’m ready to go.
This one is an obviously “getaway day” flight from Tampa, with a less than 24-hour turnaround. Getting the 1153 miles back to South Dakota will be interesting. I’m wondering if this might be a good trip to catch a home game in Minneapolis before this series, with connecting flights being more direct and cheaper from there to both Tampa and Toronto. We have Cleveland @ Target Field on Sunday, June 4th at 1 pm as a potential “launching pad” for this road trip…or a potential flat tire…tbd.
Now it's your turn to plan! If you have been to Tropicana Field or Rogers Centre, please post your list of "best seats" and "must sees." Anyone else planning on going to these series?
Grace and peace, Twins Territory! Thanks for the help!
 

On Thursday, Twins Daily’s Melissa Berman explored some of the most exciting promos and ticket deals at Target Field this season. Today, we look at some of the less popular ones.
TOMMY HERR BOBBLEHEAD NIGHT: The wildly unpopular return in the trade for beloved World Series champion Tom Brunansky gets his own tribute on May 14th! The first 5,000 fans will receive a bobblehead that sulks, pouts, and has a remarkably lifelike “I don’t even want to be here” setting. “It’s as off-putting as the real thing,” said a clubhouse source. “Like a rag doll you find in an abandoned hospital.”
ALL YOU CAN EAT DOME DOG NIGHT: “While clearing out one of the team’s storage units in Maplewood, we discovered freezers full of Dome Dogs from 2009,” said Twins President Dave St. Peter. “Food waste is a real problem in this country, and we’re doing our part to address it.” On August 4th, adventurous foodies can purchase a standing-room seat plus a lanyard giving them unfettered access to 14-year-old meats for $25. HCMC, the Minnesota Department of Health, and The Vatican have already issued statements condemning the promotion.
SIT NEXT TO AN UNPLEASANT MAN FOR $7: “We always have a stray spot available in our premium sections behind home plate and in the suites,” said a front office source. “Without exception, they’re near a very loud man with too much money and too many opinions. But the seats are awesome.” Available in packages of 5, 10, or 20 games, these tickets are priced to move and will be especially appealing to those who have a high tolerance for hearing about who the real racists are.
THE BULLPEN BUDDY: With the team’s relief pitching still in need of upgrades, not a lot of free agent options, and a significant outlay of cash for Carlos Correa, the Twins are getting creative. This $1000 ticket allows you to sit in the home bullpen for any of the 81 games. The only catch: you’re pitching the 6th inning. “We’re getting money in the coffers and letting some folks live their dream of pitching against Mike Trout and Aaron Judge,” said a source with knowledge of the front office’s thinking. “There is some downside risk in that it violates league rules and a line drive will likely kill the ticketholder instantly, but we need to look at the big picture and let our legal team hash it out.” PECOTA projects an average Twins ticket buyer to have an ERA of infinity, making them roughly equivalent to Emilio Pagan “at a team-friendly price,” said the source.
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