bashbury

One of Salt River's taxi squad players turned traitor and DH'd for Surprise. And only one Twins prospect was willing to play yesterday. There's only one possible conclusion: Tommy Watkins has lost the clubhouse, in the Arizona Fall League. Sad! But it sure was nice of him to come chat with us.

May 27 MIN @ SEA Lots of strong opinions out there. Let's make this one a group effort. How do you rate this tie, you lot of long (sleeve) lovin', having to wear ties hate-hate-hating, shades of grey fans?

I'll have you know that I own eighteen handpicked ties and wish I could wear them more often. I just wish Dick would choose his better. To your last point, I have some evidence that Dick shouldn't be ashamed to show his arms. Things got crazy in extra innings last night. Bert didn't look impressed, but maybe he's seen it before. Who needs posting privileges anyway?

Yuck. A quick sample, which do you think looks better? Or: Even if the lower photo is more "modeled", it's a sloppier look. Maybe it's personal preference, but I've never had to borrow my big brother's shirts so I just can't get used to all that sleeve flapping around.

May 26 MIN @ SEA Dick said he bought this tie on the Seattle roadtrip. Perhaps he was inspired by the weather? A grey tie with subtle stripes is just about the polar opposite of yesterday's gaudy number. It's a decent tie, but it will have the tendency to fade into nothingness. Especially if you wear a grey suit that's only a few shades darker, Dick. Basically, if you look better when you remove a tie, don't wear it in the first place. Grade: C- until the tie actually did fade into nothingness. C+ when he's "caszjh".

May 25 MIN @ SEA Never been a fan of contrast collar shirts. Stop tempting me to start a shirt-judging topic, Dick! For now the shirt is out of bounds, but complementing the rest of the outfit is a central function of a tie. The shirt and tie combo is fair game and fairly wow. In a vacuum, this tie isn't bad. Purple and gold is a royal combination, or maybe Dick was just cruising the University of Washington campus. The pattern generates interest, but too much interest for many shirts. And Dick chose maybe the worst possible shirt paring: chaotic pattern on dense stripes, purple on medium blue, white collar on top of all that. The overall look is Bill Lumbergh from Office Space going to gamble a few dollars at Monte Carlo. The one in Vegas. Not the one in Europe. Grade: C+, if he finds a normal person shirt to wear it with.

May 24 No Twins game, so we'll assume that Dick went cas/cazh/caj* (or however you spell that that guy-who-just-bought-a-boat abbreviation for "casual" the Dick used on the 26th) with no tie. Maybe an ascot for days off? *http://www.slate.com/blogs/lexicon_valley/2015/02/12/casual_abbreviation_do_you_spell_it_cajzh_caszh_caj_cas_or_with_the_voiced.html

May 23 DET @ MIN No suits, no ties. Casual Wednesday? The length of the sleeves on that polo makes me cringe, but we'll have to save that for the Judging Dick Bremer's Shirts topic. Or can we pretend the microphone is a tie? If so, the black tie is a nice combination with that bright blue shirt. But the huge company-branded tie pin is tacky. Also: what sort of nervous weirdo holds their tie like a microphone? Grade: Forgot to sign up for class.

May 22 DET @ MIN After yesterday's disaster, congratulations Dick, that is a fine tie. It would be a staple of any man's closet. It doesn't truly impress, but it gets nothing wrong. The light blue will go with most any shirt and the small patterned shapes won't clash with anything. I don't have any jokes because this tie is nothing to joke about. Grade: A-.

In the 12th inning of last night's game against the Mariners, Bert and Dick launched into a fascinating, fascinating discussion of Dick's ties. When Dick announced that he never wears the same tie twice in a season, Bert scoffed, asking "You think people are out there judging your tie?" Real estate is cheap on the internet and someone must undertake this labor. Circle me Bert, I am judging ties. May 21 DET @ MIN It's neat that you could find a matching pocket square, but that tie shouldn't exist in the first place, Dick. The red and blue patterns on the ocher background looks like you should have worn a bib when you had that chicken curry for lunch. The ocher color really doesn't work for your skin tone, or basically anyone's. Skin tones may be the best way to illustrate this awful color: next time you're picking out a tie Dick, ask yourself, "Would I wear Donald Trump's spray tan around my neck?" That should tame your worst impulses. Grade: D-. It's an ocher tie, what did you think would happen? OCHER! TIE!