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  • sat·ire | (/ˈsaˌtī(ə)r/) | noun
    the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people's stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues.

    Twins Fan Can’t Shake Feeling That Team Will Sign Kevin Correia


    RandBalls Stu

    “I know better. I know it’s a different front office and a different mindset. But they’re totally going to sign Kevin Correia. I can feel it.”

    Jacob Wilson watched the Twins phenomenal 2019 regular season with glee. Despite the quick playoff exit, he initially looked forward to watching Derek Falvey and Thad Levine rebuild the team’s rotation for 2020.

    Image courtesy of Flickr/SD Dirk

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    Now, though, he’s not so sure.

    “What if they sign Kevin Correia,” asked the Circle Pines educator. “What if the only improvement is Kevin Correia?”

    Correia, who has not pitched in the majors since 2015, was signed by the Twins to a 2-year, $10 million deal in 2013 to bolster one of the league’s worst pitching staffs. It didn't work.

    “They also traded all their center fielders for Vance Worley and Alex Meyer,” said Wilson. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

    Wilson says that he understands Correia is no longer a major league pitcher, nor appears to harbor any intentions of a comeback at the age of 39.

    “I know better. I know it’s a different front office and a different mindset. But they’re totally going to sign Kevin Correia. I can feel it.”

    Local cat owner Aaron Gleeman writes at The Athletic that the Twins can safely budget $50-70 million at minimum on next year’s staff, depending on whether Jake Odorizzi accepts the team’s qualifying offer. Wilson acknowledges that while the numbers make sense, and that the front office’s work with the lineup encourages him, he’s unable to shake a nagging feeling of despair.

    “If I think about it for even five seconds, logic tells me (signing Correia) will never happen. But I’ve been a Twins fan for years. I remember when they signed and re-signed Mike Pelfrey. I remember the 2013 rotation. I remember Terry Felton. You don’t just walk away from that without some scars. Hell, you’re lucky if they’re scars. Some of those wounds…”

    Wilson’s voice trailed off. Holding back tears, he paused to gather himself and continued.

    “My mom broke her kneecap when she was a kid, and whenever the weather changes, she says she can feel it ache. When the Twins have money to spend and talk about improving their pitching? All I feel is Kevin Correia.”

    (Image license here)

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    This kind of describes the way I feel. I'm sure others do too. I just don't trust Twins ownership to ever shed the cheap and dumpster diving tendencies that have been around for years and years.

     

    Basically, show me you have the seeds to do something significant, and then I will buy all in. 

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    Jacob Wilson should have it so lucky. I have woken up in a sweat every night since the World Series ended, convinced that Tommy Herr has just been signed to replace Jonathan Schoop as our starting second baseman. My wife has talked me down each time ("Ash, the man is 63 years old, he doesn't even want a contract. It was just a dream." "Thanks, Mrs Ash.") but she's leaving on a business trip on Sunday, and I don't know what I'll do after tomorrow night if this follows the logical course and I start dreaming of Wally Backman as the next replacement.

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    Ugh ... my headache is back again. All because this would be an entirely predictable Twins move. Okay, new regime and all that, so the chances of such a signing are slim .... but then again ... it's the Twins.

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