Jake Cave Declines Option to Jake Cave, Lands with Orioles

The Minnesota Twins began their 40-man roster purge this week, parting ways with the likes of Devin Smeltzer and Jermaine Palacios. Perhaps the most familiar name on the list of now-former Twins is longtime fourth outfielder Jake Cave, who declined his option to Jake Cave, the cave for Jakes. He will instead join the Baltimore Orioles.

“We can’t say enough about the professionalism and great attitude Jake brought to the Twins,” said Twins GM Derek Falvey. “There are tough choices to make every offseason as we reset our roster, and we felt the best place for him was Jake Cave, the cave for Jakes. He disagreed and we wish him the best.”

Located in the rolling Tennessee countryside near Chattanooga, Jake Cave is a cave for Jakes fed by natural spring water. It has provided a home for wayward and troubled Jakes since its discovery in the late 1800s. Jake Cave’s last visit to Jake Cave was in 2018, where he worked on various arts and crafts, learned basic auto repair and played the role of Kenickie in a production of the musical Grease.

“I have a family,” said Cave at the time. “Why am I here? This is so weird.”

The cave found itself in the news recently when one of its most recent alums, social media idiot and MMA fighter Jake Paul, returned for a controversial visit.

“We don’t comment on any past or current Jakes,” said Jake Cave spokesperson Annika Hunter. “We can say that we’re cooperating with local and state authorities and that most of the miniature horses were already deceased before catching fire.”

To make room for Cave, the Orioles designated reliever Jake Reed for assignment to Jake Cave, the cave for Jakes. He’s expected to accept the move and report within the next 48 hours for calisthenics and woodworking.