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  • sat·ire | (/ˈsaˌtī(ə)r/) | noun
    the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people's stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues.

    Gibson’s Departure Throws Your Dad’s Preseason Banter Into Turmoil

    RandBalls Stu

    By RandBalls Stu

    Your dad can be relied on for three things: Backing into a parking spot whenever possible; questioning the reliability of any meteorologist with a “Wish I could get paid for being wrong half the time” remark; and confiding that he really thinks this is Kyle Gibson’s breakout year every March.

    Image courtesy of © Michael McLoone-USA TODAY Sports

    Twins Video

    As of Wednesday, the latter is in flux.

    Gibson signed a 3-year, $30 million deal with the Texas Rangers after spending his entire career with the Twins organization. Your dad’s opinion on the matter was hard to gauge in a brief pre-Thanksgiving phone call.

    “He was more upset about the city plowing in his driveway after he just got done shoveling,” you told your spouse, who nodded disinterestedly as she watched a Hallmark Christmas movie with Candace Cameron Bure. “I don’t think he’s quite processed what happened.”

    Gibson’s signing takes one more option off the table for his former team, as the Twins look to build a rotation that can complement a playoff-ready lineup. It also means your dad’s perennial Spring Training opinion may change or go away entirely.

    “I don’t know where his head is at. These are uncharted waters,” you said to your teenage daughter, who nodded disinterestedly as she browsed TikTok videos. “I don’t think he’s ever said word one about the Rangers, but maybe he’s genuinely invested in Kyle Gibson and his career.”

    Prior to Gibson’s arrival in 2013, your dad’s most commonly expressed preseason thoughts were wishing Justin Morneau could get healthy and that Phil Cuzzi should be tried in The Hague.

    “Maybe once they sign somebody, or if they make (Brusdar) Graterol a starter again, that’ll get him focused on 2020,” you said to your dog, who nodded disinterestedly before unleashing another volcanic fart due to the turkey and ham your brother kept feeding him at dinner. “I don’t know where this goes from here. I don’t know if he does either.”

    Your dad was unavailable for comment on the matter, but he did characterize the potential of another winter storm this weekend as “bullcrap.”

    Steve "Stu" Neuman. Local copywriter, husband, father of two, inventor of the atomic bomb.
    Follow RandBalls Stu on Twitter: RandBallsStu

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    rv78

    rv78 1,600

  • Verified Member

    • Posted

    I wish him the best in a Rangers uniform. The Twins gave him every opportunity to succeed. There were occasional flashes of brilliance when he would come out and challenge the hitters, but inbetween those flashes were never ending appearances where he'd nibble himself to death. If there ever was a pitcher that didn't believe he had the "stuff" to get hitters out, he was the guy.

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    AZTwin

    AZTwin 1,166

  • Verified Member

    • Posted

    Backing into a parking spot is more safe than not. First motion should always be forward. It’s gross how disrespectful my generation is becoming to elders thinking they know everything (when they clearly don’t). This article reminds me of the “ok boomer” trend and should be removed for being disrespectful

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    sampleSizeOfOne

    sampleSizeOfOne 13,517

  • Old-Timey Member

    • Posted

    I do back into parking spots. I am not impressed with weather reports more than a day or two out. And I can’t shake the thought that when all is said and done, the Twins will pay more and get less than they would have with Gibson.

    Concur.

     

    (well, i am in a high parking area, so sometimes ya can't back in without some one will sneak in behind ya, but indeed my favorite spot is one that is such that it is really only possible to back into, and surprise, more often than not, its free)

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    prouster

    prouster 1,799

  • Verified Member

    • Posted

    Backing into a parking spot is more safe than not. First motion should always be forward. It’s gross how disrespectful my generation is becoming to elders thinking they know everything (when they clearly don’t). This article reminds me of the “ok boomer” trend and should be removed for being disrespectful

    Ok boomer.

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    prouster

    prouster 1,799

  • Verified Member

    • Posted

    Somewhere I picture you saying this eating a Tide pod and never have made a mortgage payment ;) (satire)

    I’ll be honest—not as satirical as you may think. The question is whether or not Millennials are ruining Twins Daily.

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    AZTwin

    AZTwin 1,166

  • Verified Member

    • Posted

    I’ll be honest—not as satirical as you may think. The question is whether or not Millennials are ruining Twins Daily.

    Yes I agree. It would be quite something to see a satirical article about the current state of affairs on here

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    Number3

    Number3 615

  • Verified Member

    • Posted

    I am no millenial;  I am barely a boomer (all of which "groupism" I detest) as it concludes that behavior is the same based upon when you were born. I do not back into parking spaces unless there is a unique situation that makes it the logical thing to do. Especially if there is someone behind you backing in is very inconsiderate.

    As far as Gibson goes, it will be very interesting to see how he does under a coaching staff that may harness his talent. Ironic that the Twins supposed urgency to improve their pitching staff loses a pitcher to a team in order to improve their staff. I guess trading Rosario is next.

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    Richie the Rally Goat

    Richie the Rally Goat 9,100

  • Community Moderator

    • Posted

    I am no millenial; I am barely a boomer (all of which "groupism" I detest) as it concludes that behavior is the same based upon when you were born. I do not back into parking spaces unless there is a unique situation that makes it the logical thing to do. Especially if there is someone behind you backing in is very inconsiderate.

    As far as Gibson goes, it will be very interesting to see how he does under a coaching staff that may harness his talent. Ironic that the Twins supposed urgency to improve their pitching staff loses a pitcher to a team in order to improve their staff. I guess trading Rosario is next.

    I’m gen x, and I really identify with the OP. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=xczb7GeQwdA

    I am doing the stupid dad jokes, backing into parking spots (when practical) and trying to figure out how to work in a Kyle Gibson debate with a coworker even though Gibson’s not a twin.

     

    I’m a bit despondent. What the hell am I going to do with myself all winter?

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