Breaking Down the 2021 Twins Walk-Up Songs

Ok I’m a curmudgeon. Walk up songs are dumb. I’d rather have the classic organ music

Two poor music choices in Twins history -

Iggy Pop: Lust for Life. For a while, the Twins used this for walk-up music for opposing players’ at-bats. That short instrumentals intro worked just fine. But one day, it was cued up for the entrance of a relief pitcher. The extra time led into Iggy’s raunchy lyrics. “”With a liquor and drugs, I’m a sex machine ..,”.

Back at the old Metrodome, it was Teen Challenge Day. Two young people were introduced with the announcer summarizing their inspiring stories about overcoming chemical dependency issues. Then the AV staff cued up —- Love Is The Drug by Roxy Music. Before you start to think that the song is about “love” not drugs, I would say that subtlety was probably lost on most who listened to the lyrics. Nevertheless, the song has the singer going to “the singles bar” and carousing for love in a way that Teen Challenge would be unlikely to support.

As far as player’s walk-up music, I’m just thankful I don’t have to repeatedly here Joe Mauer’s excruciatingly boring walk-up song anymore

EL Juidero is the most baffling music video ever.

The player walk-up song list for the Twins was recently revealed, so let's take this opportunity to dissect some of these selections.In an effort to break it all down, I’ve grouped them into three sections: new Twins players, returning players with new songs, and returning players with the same song, sometimes referencing my article from last year for the latter category if I haven’t had a big change of heart over the past nine months.

NEW PLAYERS

Hansel Robles:

Give this man the closer role based on song choice alone. I am of the opinion that more relief pitchers should use wrestling intro songs, due to the nature of their position and the similarities in the way they enter the field of play. I know I’d be much more excited for a Cody Stashak appearance if it was preempted by

. We just need to train Justin Morneau to yell “BAH GOD THAT’S HANSEL ROBLES’ MUSIC!” like Jim Ross used to. Also I love that the Undertaker’s intro song is listed as being BY The Undertaker. I like to imagine that the ‘Taker jumped on Ableton for an afternoon and threw together a composition befitting his greatness.

Andrelton Simmons:

I won’t even pretend to know this song, but based on what I know about Andrelton’s Twitter feed, I think we should just consider ourselves lucky that he didn’t choose to play 30 seconds of Joe Rogan telling us that vaccinations aren't nearly as effective as eating bear meat.

Kyle Garlick:

I like Glass Animals just fine, but all of their songs sound the same to me. When I looked this song up I was wondering if it would be the Gooey one or the Pineapple one; turns out it is neither. Not really sure where I’m going with this, but just know I’m sparing you all from making a Garlick/Vampire Weekend joke here, and I’ll say it’s because I’m above it, but really it’s because I couldn’t think of a good one.

RETURNING PLAYERS, NEW SONGS

Jake Cave:

The first thing I did when I saw this choice was furiously Google if Jake Cave is from Houston. He’s not, and how he settled on this song from Slim Thugga that loosely samples

instead of some other Houston hits from the era by Mike Jones or Paul Wall, I will never know. The biggest surprise here, however, is that Cave didn’t pick another Eminem song. You may recall that a few years ago, Cave claimed to know all the words to every Eminem song. First of all, there’s just no way that is true. Eminem has released roughly 200 songs in his career. Second of all, there’s a guy who lives on my street who blasts Eminem, and only Eminem, from his basement apartment window every Saturday when the weather is nice. All this to say, I’m not fully convinced that Jake Cave is not living down the block from me in a small basement apartment. Moving forward, I plan on referring to that apartment as “The Jake Cave”.

Byron Buxton:

Byron Buxton’s song choices are going in reverse chronologically. Buck has now gone from choosing “Flashlight” by Parliament as a rookie, to “Return of the Mack” in his mid-20s, to now choosing a rap song that just came out in his seventh season in the league. I don’t know a single person alive who has started to like newer music as they’ve gotten older. I think there might be a Benjamin Button situation going on here; someone get me a baby picture of Byron Buxton so I can rule this out.

Willians Astudillo:

I just knew La Tortuga would not mess this up. The man clearly has impeccable taste in all facets of life and I cannot wait to watch him walk up to the plate with this song playing. It’s fast, it’s fun, and best of all it's easy to picture him dancing to it. The video is also great and could have been made with the cheapest music video budget of all time. It features our protagonists Chimbala and Bulin 47, who both happen to have the same body type as Willians, running away from a woman with a skillet, and most of it is filmed in an 18 inch-wide alleyway. I am not kidding when I say I watched this video seven times back-to-back. Bulin 47 is wearing a Yankees hat in it, so my only guess is that the angry skillet lady is a Twins fan.

Jorge Alcala:

I am immediately forced to take back the “least expensive video ever filmed” title that I just bestowed. My guy El Jeffrey shot a good portion of this video standing in front of a wall with ladders hanging in the background, wearing what looks to be the shirt for a Warners' Stellian delivery person. I had to double and triple check to make sure that this was the real video. As Jackie Chiles would say, it is real and it is spectacular. The highlight for me was a stock photo of Juan Luis Guerra(!!!!), the artist you may remember from Nelson Cruz’s walk-up song (more on him later). I think I woke up my neighbors when that inexplicably showed up in the video at

. Other highlights include pictures of Pedro Martinez, Sammy Sosa, David Ortiz, and Manny Ramirez hanging alongside a picture of Mother Teresa, El Jeffrey dancing in front of the ladder wall and a giant backgammon board, and a rare glimpse at an electrifying El Jeffrey live show. I could write 2000 more words about this but I'll close by saying El Jeffrey forever, thank you Jorge Alcala for bringing him into my life.

Mitch Garver:

After struggling through a rough 2020 season, Garver pulls a genius move here selecting a local anthem in an overt attempt to get us to love him again. I’m actually surprised more players haven’t played this card in the past, considering how much Minnesotans love the local angle. The song, which revels in civic pride while still acknowledging that there may be more desirable locations out there for those who don’t get what makes Minnesota special, is a strong choice and may go a long way towards earning Garver a “One of Us” lifetime pass like a select few former Twins have received. If Mitch isn’t careful we’re going to carve his face out of butter and make him learn about the 1991 Halloween snow storm.

Jose Berrios:

Berrios goes with his Puerto Rican countryman Daddy Yankee who is still out there doing it at the age of 45. This song just came out two months ago and already has almost 60 million views on Youtube, which is nearly 25 times the population of Puerto Rico. The video features a nice but somewhat strange tribute to another Puerto Rican legend, Roberto Clemente. Daddy Yankee dons a Pirates hat with the number 21 adorned on the wall alongside Daddy Yankee’s record label. A fitting tribute, because as we all know Roberto Clemente loved three things: humanitarian relief efforts, baseball, and El Cartel Records.

Max Kepler:

This is a pretty good song that samples better songs by My Morning Jacket and Nas, and is a nice way to pay tribute to Mac Miller. However, out of principle, I’m once again refusing to use this space to break down Kepler’s actual song choice, but instead will choose to lament the missed opportunity by everyone’s favorite German Major Leaguer. Still no Kraftwerk, still no grimy Berlin techno music, and still no Rammstein. Which once again dashes my dream of Vin Diesel’s character from “XXX” charging the mound and fighting Aroldis Chapman as “Du Hast” courses through the Target Field loudspeakers when Max comes up to bat. With the way VR and holograms are progressing, I can probably make this happen on my own without Max’s help anyways.

RETURNING PLAYERS, REPEAT SONGS AKA "THE MAUER CATEGORY"

My reactions from last year in Italics

Nelson Cruz:

Nelson Cruz can do no wrong right now, and that streak continues as he keeps this merengue banger by Juan Luis Guerra as his walk-up music for another season. Juan Luis Guerra also gets bonus points for looking like the type of guy that moms would be really into, like Jimmy Smits or Andy Garcia.

El Jeffrey loves this song, I still love this song, I still love Nelly Cruz, and moms still love Jimmy Smits and Andy Garcia. Nothing but love when Nelson comes to the plate this year.

Kenta Maeda:

A much-needed change of pace from Maeda here. My Japanese is a little rusty, so I have no idea what they’re saying but I dig it, right down to the Tom Morello-esque guitar solo.

King Kenta sticks with King Gnu for another season, which is great, but realistically after the way he pitched last year he could pick anything and I'd be fine with it. You want something from

? You got it, Kenta.

Taylor Rogers:

I would argue that closer walk-up music may be more important than any other member of the team, and we as Twins fans are in good hands with Taylor Rogers. Picking any song from "Rumours", the album that everyone’s parents own five copies of on vinyl, seems like a can’t miss proposition, but this might be the only track that would work for a closer. Now the question becomes do they have time to play the whole song, or can we just cut to the chase and start it at the bassline around the 3:00 mark?

Rogers has some serious competition from Robles for the best reliever intro music crown this year. Hopefully this does not lead to a feud between the two. But if we learned anything from Lindsey Buckingham and Stevie Nicks, it’s that periods of stress and petulant feuding can lead to great art.

Bonus:
Before I wrap this up, I’d like to give a bonus shoutout to Devin Smeltzer aka “Deep Cut Devin” aka “The Outlaw Man” who did not crack the Twins initial roster and therefore was not listed. I hope when he does inevitably get the call back to Target Field this year we get the chance to see him walk out to

once again. Or maybe he will go for an even earlier and even more unknown Eagles song. Give us “Earlybird” Hipster Devin, all three people who like that song are clamoring for it!

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I like your idea of wrestling music.  I really wish a couple of them picked the Rock theme song and/or John Cena Theme song

Thanks for this article!

So I've got a lot of songs to youtube.

A couple that I'm familiar with... I agree with you on Glass Animals. Everything seems quite similar, though Gooey is a good song. Great lyrics, even if they don't make a whole lot of sense. (worked for the Beatles in their latter studio days)

Starting from the amazing bassline on "The Chain" would work, I think, tho it might lose a bit of its bite without the buildup. Speaking of time considerations, man I wish extra innings could revert to the pre 2020 season format ie. just keep playing. A 60 game season was such a huge aberration, that having a guy on 2nd to start an inning was somehow more tolerable. 

Anyway, the article was fun. 

I'll be listening for walk up music:)

This does nothing for me, what I want is the song when the blow it and the grand song when they exit triumphant

Are these songs to entertain the fans, or to get the particular player motivated? Seriously? Who is the music for?  If it is for the fans in attendance, where  is some Jelly Bean Johnson music? 

I'm done defending Cave after learning of his abysmal song choice.