BREAKING: Almost Half a Season Left

I was so optimistic about this season.  Now I’m more interested in seeing the Twins after the trading deadline than the current group.  I recognize the last half could be brutal - but I’m more curious about the future than the present. 

I think MLB should divide the season like they do in some minor leagues.  Everyone starts over - first half winner meets second half winner and more importantly the Twins never get a chance to dip below 15 games behind in the standings.  I believe that Stu did miss the most important lesson - this Team has adopted the Minnesota Nice slogan and tries not to beat up on lesser teams - and of course we are actually better than all of them. 

Hey! What if we’re going about this all wrong? What if we went the other way with the season? 

What if we intentionally LENGTHENED it? 

just imagine for a moment: pitchers hemming and hawing on the mound; batters calling endless timeouts to take their gloves off and put them on again. Checks to first base to hold a runner, even when there isn’t a runner there! Games might stretch into 1am with repeated calls for reviews of groundout tags and argued balls/strikes. 

—Not too hard to imagine, is it? Games are already too long, so why not use it to our advantage? 

What if Rocco suddenly called for a spot check of the pitcher because he “saw something fishy”? Twice. In the same inning! How would the broadcast booth react if Max Kepler trotted into the outfield wearing a diaper because “this might be awhile”? Would umpires be shocked if Jorge stepped out of the box “for a little shuteye”? Perhaps each reliever (and there’s lots of em!) could warm up on the mound, then shake their head and go back to the pen, muttering “it’s not clicking yet.” Maybe Joe Mauer returns to Target field to highlight a couple “real sweet deals” on a “barely” used 2010 Ford Taurus? 

Even upper management could help out by changing the 7th inning stretch into the 7th inning siesta. Make all the seats reclinable? —Maybe we could offer to play everyone else’s double-headers! Bobble-head day becomes free haircut on the field day. First 10,000 fans through the door get to shake Kenta Maeda’s hand, in person and between innings (while a guy in a tux and golden microphone introduces each of them).

Night games take a break to turn off the lights and “enjoy the night sky for awhile”. We could even use psychological warfare and shorten every game to 6 innings in an effort to speed up the game (only to introduce Cricket rules!) 

We could have more…

…Joe Mauer!

—Maybe he makes a short speech everyday before the game on topics close to his heart,

like… Fish.

And… car.

It’d be great! “Leadership chats” we could call them, and they’d be ghosted by Kent Hrbeck, and it’d be full of funny Greg Gagne jokes. 

Would the White Sox eventually surrender? Probably not. But Kansas City might! And they would be annoyed. Oh, they’d be white-hot mad! And that sounds pretty good to me. And so does haircut day, that’d be better than a “gently” used 2010 Jeep Cherokee with under 200,000 miles. (Call Joe Mauer for a quote.)

LOL I have this thought each time I see a game is about to start. "Oh no, not again."

Bring back Covid-reduced spectators, they might fill the stands.

If they lose Cruz, I will probably listen to them on radio as no good reason to watch on TV. 

Blindeke, are you the famous writer of the “Parking lots of Minneapolis”? I’m a huge fan. 

23 minutes ago, blindeke said:

LOL I have this thought each time I see a game is about to start. "Oh no, not again."

Tuning in the Twins is like coming across a multiple vehicle pile-up; there's car parts strewn all over the highway, injured people walking around in a daze, maybe a pair of medics working over a poor guy on stretcher. You don't want to look, but you do. In fact you slow down to give it a good once-over because it's so terrible. Then you stop at a nearby food truck to share what you saw with a dozen other spectators. What the hell; barbecue chicken on a stick ain't something you can pass up.

You're all looking at this the wrong way. There are countless ways to lose games that we have yet to see. Don't you want to tune in to see what jaw-dropping error or bone-headed base running mistake causes the Twins to lose their next game?

I used to golf a little but gave it up for the good of the game.  We never counted more than 10 strokes on any hole.  What if MLB adopted that idea? You can never fall more than 10 games behind the first place team. I know there a a few kinks to be worked out, like the math and other stuff. But I am sure any business that can put out a product like MLB does, AND still get people to watch it should be able to come up with a solution. 

On 7/9/2021 at 12:01 PM, BrooklynBrent said:

Blindeke, are you the famous writer of the “Parking lots of Minneapolis”? I’m a huge fan. 

That's me. Thanks!