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Worst Doctor We Can Find Thinks Unvaccinated Twins Are Getting a Raw Deal


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Randball Stu's articles are satire, and are meant as a joke. The site’s community rules still apply.

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‘The jury is still out on this vaccine,' he said, wobbling over the putt on 17.

Multiple unvaccinated Twins players must sit out this weekend’s series in Toronto due to Canada’s COVID policies. While the medical community almost universally hails the efficacy of the vaccines, the worst doctor we could find thinks the Twins are getting a raw deal.

Dr. Gary Van Lowe, a retired family physician from Chanhassen, says the players (Max Kepler, Caleb Thielbar, Emilio Pagan, and Trevor Megill)  are probably in better shape than their vaccinated teammates.

“I was doing my own research just this morning,” said Van Lowe, “And realvaccinetruth.biz said the vaccines have little microchips in them that allows the government to turn you into a human microwave. I got right up off the toilet to see if any of that was in the newspaper. Not a word.”

The 61-year-old, whose frequent malpractice settlements earned him the nickname “Mal” from Fairview Southdale's attorneys, said the lack of further media coverage points to a larger conspiracy.

“I don’t think they’re doing this just to screw over the Twins in a critical road series,” said Van Lowe, nursing his “seventh or eighth” Mich Golden Light on the 17th tee box at Deer Run in Victoria. “Could it be to mess with the Vikings and Wild, too? Good luck finding that out in the Red Star (sic) from Michael Bland (sic).”

Van Lowe, who left medicine in 2015 after a series of lurid sexual harassment accusations from fellow doctors, nurses, and the entire front of house staff at the Eden Prairie Buca di Beppo, now runs a medical consultancy firm for insurance companies looking to deny benefits.

“The jury is still out on this vaccine,” he said, wobbling over a putt on 17. “All I know is that Betty White was perfectly healthy before she got the jab. Makes you think.”

Van Lowe ended the interview in order to ask the beer cart driver if she needed a ride home.


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I’m so glad that the moderators here are not getting political about COVID - Following the examples of fairness and balance set by Facebook, Twitter, Google etc.  Keep up the good work.
 By the way, despite my oozing sarcasm, I have been very pro-vaccine here and indeed wish more efforts had been made  to approve reformulations faster to keep pace with the evolution of this virus.

 

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Im doctor, and this line "now runs a medical consultancy firm for insurance companies looking to deny benefits.". *chef's kiss*. It is truly amazing how many times I order something, get told to do a "peer to peer", (where I have to talk to a doctor from the insurance company to get something approved), and just by calling them, "Oh yeah, its aprroved, we are good to go". It is such a scam, just meant to waste time and save some money by hoping people dont call.

 

*gets off soapbox*

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So points are issued, users not allowed to post and other types of punishments are doled out for vaccine comments/opinions in other threads, but owners/moderators are allowed to put their opinions into threads if it is being done as an attempt (poor) at humor. Where's Elon Musk....

 

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Really lame attempt at humor. 

from what I’m seeing, the most which can be said for the vaccines is they MAY reduce the severity of the symptoms, etc 

while that’s “not nothing,” it’s hardly so significant that mandates are in order. 
 

BTW - given how fascistic the Trudeau government has become, you do yourself no credit siding with them. 

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8 minutes ago, BD57 said:

Really lame attempt at humor. 

from what I’m seeing, the most which can be said for the vaccines is they MAY reduce the severity of the symptoms, etc 

while that’s “not nothing,” it’s hardly so significant that mandates are in order. 
 

BTW - given how fascistic the Trudeau government has become, you do yourself no credit siding with them. 

? but it is worse then lame it is lazy and sad considering how many vaccinated Twins have gotten COVID.

So congrats Stu at bad humor and breaking the rules of the site.

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Hilarious! Laughed all the way through it.

I used to have trouble using Microsoft Word until I got my first vaccine shot. Now it's a piece of cake. Got my booster and damned if I can't do Excel spreadsheets like a pro now. I'm hoping the third shot will help me write code. Lots of money to be made designing video games with lots of first-person shooting and explosions in them. The only drawback I seem to have is this urge to face northwest every morning and bow multiple times while chanting "Bill is my Savior." Don't know where that comes from...

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45 minutes ago, strumdatjag said:

I’m so glad that the moderators here are not getting political about COVID - Following the examples of fairness and balance set by Facebook, Twitter, Google etc.  Keep up the good work.
 By the way, despite my oozing sarcasm, I have been very pro-vaccine here and indeed wish more efforts had been made  to approve reformulations faster to keep pace with the evolution of this virus.

Cool story, Stu is not a moderator or even a part of this community, really. He's paid to write for the site.

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3 minutes ago, Brock Beauchamp said:

For all of you complaining about why you can't write what Stu just wrote, it's because Stu is paid by the site to write whatever he thinks is funny.

You're not, get over it. If you don't like Stu's content, feel free to... *gasp* NOT READ IT.

That’s not a very good answer. Exempting those in power from the rules often backfires.

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1 minute ago, Craig Arko said:

That’s not a very good answer. Exempting those in power from the rules often backfires.

Stu is paid to sometimes push boundaries through satire. It's basically his professional reputation.

When we start paying someone with a similar reputation to do the same, they can be like Stu. Until then, they can keep their poor attempts at satire and boring agendas to themselves.

I don't care how that comes across, that's the reality of the situation. Some people, due to reputation, experience, and ability are given different slack than the typical user.

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4 minutes ago, Brock Beauchamp said:

Stu is paid to sometimes push boundaries through satire. It's basically his professional reputation.

When we start paying someone with a similar reputation to do the same, they can be like Stu. Until then, they can keep their poor attempts at satire and boring agendas to themselves.

I don't care how that comes across, that's the reality of the situation. Some people, due to reputation, experience, and ability are given different slack than the typical user.

 

Would Stu have been allowed to mock the pro vaxers?  

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18 minutes ago, Brock Beauchamp said:

For all of you complaining about why you can't write what Stu just wrote, it's because Stu is paid by the site to write whatever he thinks is funny.

You're not, get over it. If you don't like Stu's content, feel free to... *gasp* NOT READ IT.

Then pay me. My sarcastic response was just as “funny” as the overpaid guy.    Can I write a paid entry about the masked couple sitting outside at Target Field with nobody near them?   They could easily be mocked based on the science.  

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22 minutes ago, Brock Beauchamp said:

For all of you complaining about why you can't write what Stu just wrote, it's because Stu is paid by the site to write whatever he thinks is funny.

You're not, get over it. If you don't like Stu's content, feel free to... *gasp* NOT READ IT.

Methinks the powers that be knew exactly what type of response this post would get. Don’t act shocked when people respond to trolling

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20 minutes ago, gunnarthor said:

I also enjoyed the (real) piece in the pioneer press that stated the "most common, long-term effect [of the vaccines] has been not dying of COVID."

Not to be a jerk (and I am vaccinated) but isn't that the most common, long-term effect of getting Covid, not dying?

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10 minutes ago, Brock Beauchamp said:

Stu is paid to sometimes push boundaries through satire. It's basically his professional reputation.

When we start paying someone with a similar reputation to do the same, they can be like Stu. Until then, they can keep their poor attempts at satire and boring agendas to themselves.

I don't care how that comes across, that's the reality of the situation. Some people, due to reputation, experience, and ability are given different slack than the typical user.

Are you suggesting that nobody anticipated the response this would provoke? I like to give y’all credit for more than that.

But provoking a response and then beating up on it has a floor of passive/aggressive, and a ceiling of bait and switch. Maybe I’ve just overestimated people. 

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Just now, Craig Arko said:

Are you suggesting that nobody anticipated the response this would provoke? I like to give y’all credit for more than that.

But provoking a response and then beating up on it has a floor of passive/aggressive, and a ceiling of bait and switch. Maybe I’ve just overestimated people. 

I was blissfully unaware of Stu’s piece until half an hour ago so you’ll have to talk to someone else about that.

People seem to be under the impression that TD is some monolithic entity and that is far from the case. I am the community manager, most of the rest of the site is someone else’s problem. 

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12 minutes ago, Puckettsprintstofirst said:

 

Would Stu have been allowed to mock the pro vaxers?  

If it was funny, probably. I’m vaxxed and pretty cautious about COVID and know plenty of people around me whose precautions are beyond ridiculous to the point of them almost satirizing themselves.

Satire is almost always funny when you approach the fringes of any opinion or stance. That’s the point of it, really. 

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9 minutes ago, Brock Beauchamp said:

I was blissfully unaware of Stu’s piece until half an hour ago so you’ll have to talk to someone else about that.

People seem to be under the impression that TD is some monolithic entity and that is far from the case. I am the community manager, most of the rest of the site is someone else’s problem. 

And who might that be? I'll be happy to continue the discussion with a responsible party.

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