With the scheduled starting pitcher Randy Dobnak a last-minute scratch due to a contract dispute, let’s go to the next audition tape:

 

[ inserts VHS tape into VCR ]

 

Hi! 

 

I’m Danny Coulombe! 

 

 

You may remember me from such heartwarming baseball films as, 

 

“The Day I Walked Joe Mauer on Four Pitches!” 

 

or

 

“I Was Once Traded for Cash Considerations, Too!”

 

or 

 

“I pitched in the Same July 2017 Game that Brandon Kintzler made his Final Appearance in a Twins Uniform! Reflections on the Last Four Years of Major League Baseball, including the Juiced Ball Controversy of 2019, Lockdown Baseball During the 2020 Pandemic, and Spider Tack-Gate of 2021.”

 

“Will I be asked to drop my drawers tonight?”

 

 

[ end tape ]

(h/t Troy McClure, Phil Hartman, and the Simpsons)

 

Well, what does everyone think about tonight? 

 

Should Danny Coulombe be given the starting role? Will he rise to the moment and steal the show? 

 

Read more about Coulombe on his Wikipedia page, which someone went to the trouble to create.

 

Lineups to follow.

 

 

"to follow:"

They:

0. Cal Quantrill (R) P

1. Cesar Hernandez (S) 2B

2. Amed Rosario (R) SS

3. Jose Ramirez (S) 3B

4. Eddie Rosario (L) DH

5. Bobby Bradley (L) 1B

6. Harold Ramirez (R) LF

7. Josh Naylor (L) RF

8. Bradley Zimmer (L) CF

9. Austin Hedges (R) C

 

Wee!

0. Danny Coulombe (L) P

1. Luis Arraez (L) LF

2. Josh Donaldson (R) 3B

3. Alex Kirilloff (L) 1B

4. Nelson Cruz (R) DH

5. Jorge Polanco (S) 2B

6. Max Kepler (L) RF

7. Ryan Jeffers (R) C

8. Nick Gordon (L) CF

9. Andrelton Simmons (R) SS

 

A Nick Gordon sighting. He's alive!*

 

*I have no idea how often he's really playing, I'd just like it more often.....

At -1.25 the Twins are a slight favorite to win this game tonight. I wouldn’t bet on it. ?

Rocco waits to bench Sano in back-to-back games until immediately after two games in a row where he not only scorches the ball but doesn’t K??

What am I missing?

That’s a pretty good play 

3 minutes ago, jkcarew said:

Rocco waits to bench Sano in back-to-back games until immediately after two games in a row where he not only scorches the ball but doesn’t K??

What am I missing?

Punctuation 

We're losing already?

 

Sigh...

 

Ah, the nice things we can't have...

For some reason i thought Colome was pitching.

 

Teaches me to be creative in my spelling, especially of names.

Easy looking hop there, probably wasn’t gonna get him anyway

1 minute ago, sampleSizeOfOne said:

For some reason i thought Colome was pitching.

 

Teaches me to be creative in my spelling, especially of names.

At first glance I thought the same thing 

Lol

Coulombe pitching is really gonna screw with those that are already challenged with spelling Colome (and Kirilloff and Duffey and Rogers etc)

Coloumbe,  “umm Jeffers could you get me some sunscreen please?”

I'm not sure, since I haven't spoken to them, but I'm guessing this is not what the FO was hoping for.....

1 minute ago, h2oface said:

Coulombe pitching is really gonna screw with those that are already challenged with spelling Colome (and Kirilloff and Duffey and Rogers etc)

I’ll probably spell it different every time I post it

Well, except for the homers, Coulombe has looked pretty good. 

Rosario has to be chuckling about Polanco's error, especially after yesterday.

6 minutes ago, LVTwinsfan said:

Easy looking hop there, probably wasn’t gonna get him anyway

Then the 2B is playing too deep. 

3 minutes ago, stringer bell said:

Then the 2B is playing too deep. 

Seems like Polanco always plays too deep

That’s good baserunning

Arraez must have totally ignored Diaz 

Danny Coulombe pitching is really speaking to the product the Twins are fielding these days. How did it come to this?

This is the “Column B” everyone was asking for earlier in the year, when “Column A” was struggling and blowing saves!

3 runs and 5 outs. 

ColumnB not much of an upgrade. The runs just came earlier in the game.

At least no Inherited Runners. We all know what happens if pitchers leave inherited runners on for the next guy.

4 minutes ago, h2oface said:

3 runs and 5 outs. 

To be fair, one of those runs was unearned.

There was only about 850 feet or so of earned runs allowed.

14 minutes ago, jkcarew said:

To be fair, one of those runs was unearned.

There was only about 850 feet or so of earned runs allowed.

The homer was unearned, too, according to official scoring, which doesn't really tell the whole story.

Unfortunately the score doesn't care if they are earned or not.

23 minutes ago, stringer bell said:

Then the 2B is playing too deep. 

For some reason, the shift dictated by the bench always has Polanco in the outfield, which makes no sense to me, but they do it all the time. 

1 minute ago, h2oface said:

The homer was unearned, too, according to official scoring, which doesn't really tell the whole story.

That’s true. It shouldn’t have happened until the following inning.

Rosario sure gets a lot of at bats for Cleveland.