No Altarations If You Please

 

 

 

Okay, I’m going to throw myself at the foot of the High Altar of Analytics and beg for mercy. Well, maybe not “throw” as I might hurt myself. Bad shoulder. Got pitched off a horse once. Besides, I wouldn’t be able to get back up. Two bad knees (football and volleyball). Right ankle, also bad (football, basketball, baseball and basketball again). I could maybe try to pull myself up with my left arm because I’m ambidextrous, but my left wrist, the one I broke about a hundred years ago (football), well… that’s bad too.

I guess you could say I’m

 

 

 

Anyway, like opposing pitchers, I beg for mercy because although I’ve been a guy who has relied on data my entire life, I have never understood all the statistical formulas behind a lot of the data. In fact I bluffed my way through a couple of college statistics classes by smiling and nodding knowingly despite being completely in the dark. Here’s that formula if any struggling college student out there should feel tempted to duplicate my efforts. (Sm x (NK/D)*(BS*4) = Pass.

 

But even though I don’t understand how the statistics geeks get all their numbers, I can still make those numbers useful. In a way.

 

Thus the hurling (baseball term I thought I’d work in because, you know, this is uh, you know, a baseball site) myself at the foot of the altar. And of course if I hurled at the head of the altar I might wind up clearing the benches and drawing a one-game suspension. And a slap on the fanny, uh, wrist, you savage.

 

Now that I have deliberately muddied the waters, here’s some interesting stats that probably don’t mean (median?) anything about today’s game. “But at least I understand them…” he claimed with a smile and a knowing nod in the now-darkened room.

 

Using a proprietary formula (that means I lost my notes and have no idea how I arrived at anything) for statistical analysis I predict the following regarding today's impending clash of Central Division Titans… Okay, maybe one Titan and one Minotaur, the latter being the mythical beast of which I am most often compared. You know, because the Minotaur was reputed to be half bull.

 

Predictions I Will Claim Only If They Prove To Be Accurate And Disavow As Vehemently As A Straight-Faced Politician If They Prove So Far Off The Mark My Banishment From TD Will Become A Subject Of Discussion Among The Baseball Gods Whose Bowels Move In Mysterious Ways

 

Game Score:
Twins: 101 Dalmatians
White Sox: 1 Partridge In A Pear Tree

 

Home Runs:
Twins: One for every player whose last name begins with a letter.
White Sox: What they call the stampede from the locker room when the coldcuts served in the clubhouse were contaminated with Eek-Coli and the stadium toilets are backed up.

 

Pitchers:
Twins: an opener for a starter, some middling relief and the last one just before closing.
White Sox: None. Going with 99 bottles of beer on the wall instead.

 

Today’s Hurlers

 

Twins: Gib “The Nibbler” Gibson 4-2   ERA 4.47. 51 K

 

Sox: Manny “The Sacrificial Lamb” Banuelos 2-3   ERA 7.26    32K

 

See You tomorrow!

 

 

Edited May 25, 20197 yr by Dave The Dastardly

Excellent intro Dave!

Pitchers:

White Sox: None. Only belly itchers.

Coming in with a 7.26 ERA means the pounding you get won't hurt your ERA all that much!

Someone once said, "Beating the White Sox is a dish best served cold".

 

Or something like that.

I remember this spring when we used to discuss what traits would be most relevant to Baldelli when figuring out the optimal lineup.

 

I almost feel cheated now that that conversation is moot since every player seemingly has every optimal trait for every spot in the lineup.

No Tim Anderson for the White Sox today so no chance of seeing his infamous bat flips

 

I remember this spring when we used to discuss what traits would be most relevant to Baldelli when figuring out the optimal lineup.

I almost feel cheated now that that conversation is moot since every player seemingly has every optimal trait for every spot in the lineup.

 

As in, a home run plays well in any spot?

 

 

Baldelli going with the time-honored "I'm not playing my recovering starting DH until the club scores less than 11 runs in a game" strategy.

the 2019 minnesota twins: making box scores fun again.

Sox starter last 3 games 11 IP and 8 HR

 

Sox starter last 3 games 11 IP and 8 HR

Sounds delicious.

Gibby's got an early case of the yanks.

Pretty bad challenge.

Gonzo!!

let's get a double play here

Venezuelan Army Knife

Nice job Gibby.

Two things I've been meaning to say...

 

1. Watching Gibby and Pineda is a chore, as they both take forever to rock and fire. Pitchers should catch the ball, get the sign, and then pitch. Work fast! It keeps batters off-balance and fielders on their toes. This advice works for every level of baseball, from Little League to the World Series.

 

2. Thanks to all who still do Circus Boy updates. I'm not around a computer during game times much anymore, so when I am, it's nice to get the score.

 

That is all.

Fun Fact; Entering today through 50.1 IP the Nibbler's ERA is the same as his career ERA through 977.1 IP at 4.47!!!!!

Good eye Eddie!!!

didn't know Rosario was allowed to take a walk. Didn't take the bat off of his shoulder in 5 pitches.

CROM!!!!!!!!!!

Hahahahaha!

BWAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!

 

didn't know Rosario was allowed to take a walk. Didn't take the bat off of his shoulder in 5 pitches.

Well, it took five balls to do it.

Where's Tatum O'Neill?

Common Sano, make it 4-0

 

Where's Tatum O'Neill?

 

Coming out of rehab.