One If By Land, Two If By Sea

 

Okay, our Twins won't have to go by sea, but they can take two from the Beantown Red Sox.

 

I once dined on Boston strawberries and Arkansas wedding cake, washed down with Kansas sheep dip. And that’s no male bovine fecal matter.

 

For those not up on their regional colloquialisms I’ll translate; I dined on baked beans, cornbread and sipping whiskey. No BS. Either with the meal or about the meal. I thought I’d throw that out there because you know, the Twinkies are playing in Boston which is awash in colloquialisms. Among other weird things.

 

I was in Boston once. Spent a couple days there sight-seeing with the family and trying to learn the language. The BoSox were in town playing somebody other than their Dreaded Usual Opponents (your basic DUO for future reference) also known as the Yankees and the Last Born (my son) and I were hoping to snag a couple of tickets so we could return to Minnesota and brag that we’d sat in Fenway Park amid the natives and survived unscathed. Well, maybe a little scathed... but not mortally so.

 

Unfortunately our Household Rules That May Not Be Violated Upon Pain of Death demanded that I run this incidental unplanned expense past the Little Woman (she tops out at 4’ 10 1/2” - never sell her short by dropping that 1/2”), who among her many authoritative positions also serves as Chief Procurement Officer (your basic CPO). Given a Reluctant But Tentative Approval for an expenditure (your basic RBTA) not to exceed our weekly grocery bill, the Last Born and I went searching for your basic UTP, (Unofficial Ticket Purveyor - also known in less educated circles as a scalper). Unfortunately our solicitation encountered some difficulty with the local language. As near as I could determine after several failed attempts at translation was that Shifty the Scalper required a cash expenditure somewhere north of our last family dental bill, which of course we had only been able to retire by signing a second mortgage with Shylock the Loan Shark Banker, before Shifty would cough up a pair of “legit” Fenway tickets. I did not inquire as to what a pair if illegit tickets would cost.

 

Realizing that a third mortgage for BoSox tickets would far exceed the afore mentioned RBTA and would undoubtedly initiate a severe tongue-lashing from the CPO, I, in a fleeting and rare moment of lucidity as Titular Head of Household, reluctantly concluded it would be best to forego Fenway and take the entire family to Cheers instead. If we were lucky we might be able to catch the game on TV with Norm and Cliff.

 

 

Undeterred we hopped the trolley for the drive-by tour of Boston. Boston trolleys aren’t really trolleys. They’re more like glorified buses with no windows, no air-conditioning and curmudgeonly drivers that point out interesting places as they speed through red lights, one hand on the wheel and the other flipping off other drivers. Maybe “glorified” isn’t the right descriptive.

 

When our curmudgeon’s bird finger wearied, he pulled the trolley to the curb in front of an expensive restaurant that no doubt paid the curmudgeon a commission for dropping thirsty and frightened tourists at their front door.

 

“Where’s Cheers from here?” I asked the curmudgeon as we were forced off the trolley.

 

He said something in Bostonian that we eventually determined meant we’d get there in an hour or so if we ate at the preferred restaurant and waited for the next trolley. “It’s a long walk,” he advised.

 

“Is there a shortcut?” I persisted. Unbeknownst to the curmudgeon, we were Minnesotans and a hardy lot.

 

“I suppose if you cut through the Common,” he grumped, his commission flying out the window.

 

Falsely heartened, we set out on foot across the Common, the Last Born and I eager to catch the game on TV, the Little Woman and the Third Born, our youngest daughter then in college, reluctantly in tow.

 

It was hot and it was humid. And the Common, much to our dismay, was a good six blocks long. Six long blocks long. Which necessitated several fifteen minute rest breaks for the Last Born who was still recovering from foot and ankle surgery; from a baseball injury nonetheless.

 

We reached Cheers about the same time as the next trolley. A fact noted several times by a now overheated and snarky Third Born and punctuated by a series of silent eye rolls from the Little Woman.

 

We found a booth, ordered a round of Norm Burgers and a tall Sam Adams for the Titular Head of Household (that be me). Basking in the pleasant surroundings I slipped into my oft-used portrayal of a man whose beer stein is always half full and remarked to my sweat-soaked and aching family that we could now brag to our friends that we’d strolled through Boston Common on our way to Cheers.

 

“Who would want to admit we were dumb enough to walk when we could’ve ridden the trolley?” the still sullen Third Born demanded as she flipped her long blonde hair off the back of her still sweating neck.

 

I fell back on the old line of broadening our horizons and learning what life was like outside Minnesota, which merely earned more glares for my Pollyanna efforts.

 

Our waitress, who showed up just then with my Sam Adams, overheard me. “You’re from Minnesota?” she asked in awe (well, maybe not awe).

 

I gave her a “you betcha”.

 

She laughed. “That’s funny, so is the family in the next booth.” We exchanged introductions with our fellow Minnesotans and enjoyed a visit in the mother tongue with folks from Benson, MN, soothing the beasts that simmered in the female side of my family. 

 

We never did catch the game. Or see Normie and Cliff, but we did learn a valuable lesson.

 

 

Lesson #276 From the Dastard’s Book of the Painfully Obvious: There are no shortcuts in life. But no matter how long it takes you to round the bases, it’s always good to touch home.

 

 

Cheers!

 

On the mound tonight it's Kyle "Keep Us In The Game" Gibson (4-5 6.23 ERA) vs. David "Beloved" (That's what David means. Really.) Price (2-2 ERA 4.76) This could be a nail-biter (I say that because Price cracked a finger nail during his last outing) so open up a sleeve of Ritz crackers and grab your favorite beverage.

there is a longish article about Price's issues on Fangraphs today, if anyone wants to see what the Twins might see....nice intro, btw.

Still need game thread volunteers for July 8, 9, 19, 22, 23, and 26.

 

We've never not had a game, to the best of my knowledge, in the long and storied history of TD.

 

Ask not what TD can do for you, ask what you can do for TD!

 

(SICK Boston tie-in, Chief!)

 

PM Chief and Chitown with the date(s) you want.

I rode the bus today, and the bus driver did not slam on the breaks for a yellow or two, and had a delightful conversation with a rider or two enroute bemoaning the ocean temps around here and comparing them to the west coast. Cold as it is here, we still win.

 

But it was a light midday load, not yer commuter mob. And to be fair, it was Cambridge and Belmont, not Boston Proper.

 

Gonna be at da game!

 

T-ing in. (Local talk for taking the subway) Mildly concerned about prospect of coordinating with friends getting off work on the late side, but that makes it exciting.

Now don't everybody talk at once!

 

Great thread opener, by the by. I am not worthy.

http://twinsdaily.com/uploads/gallery/album_163/gallery_3256_163_1142555.jpg

 

Did i do good?

 

Now i gotta start filling out me score cards..

Speaking of which...

Twins:

Pitching. Kyle Gibson ( R)

 

1. Brian Dozier ( R) 2B

2. Robbie Grossman (S) LF

3. Joe Mauer (L) 1B

4. Miguel Sano ( R) DH

5. Eduardo Escobar (S) 3B

6. Jorge Polanco (S) SS

7. Max Kepler (L) RF

8. Chris Gimenez ( R) C

9. Byron Buxton ( R) CF

 

Red Sox:

Pitching. David Price (L)

 

1. Mookie Betts ( R) RF

2. Andrew Benintendi (L) LF

3. Xander Bogaerts ( R) SS

4. Mitch Moreland (L) 1B

5. Hanley Ramirez ( R) DH

6. Jackie Bradley Jr. (L) CF

7. Christian Vazquez ( R) C

8. Tzu-Wei Lin (L) 2B

9. Deven Marrero ( R) 3B

 

Gametime Forecast: 74°F • Overcast • 0% PoP

And now i am just padding my stats...

Bartolo Colon hits the waiver wire.  That would be special.

 

http://twinsdaily.com/uploads/gallery/album_163/gallery_3256_163_1142555.jpg

Did i do good?

Now i gotta start filling out me score cards..

I'm jealous. Now I wish I would've ponied up the cash for those scalped tickets.

 

 

Bartolo Colon hits the waiver wire.  That would be special.

Any truth to the rumor he needs a girdle to hold in his girth?

ESPN commentator: "Miguel sano is not a great defender, to put it nicely"

Dozier doubles, comes around to score on fly to center and ground out up the middle.

No pedroia tonight? Yay!

Jorge on Saturday. 

Shutdown inning.

 

Nothing wrong with that.

There's your run, Gibby.  Bring it home.

Nice snags by Dozier (in shallow center) and Mauer on a hot liner.

apparently gibson isn't a big fan of aaa per diem.

Now they're bringing up the twins not resigning David Ortiz. ESPN is just the worst

If Gibby keeps throwing zeros = turned corner?

If Gibby keeps throwing zeros = turned corner?

Bit early for that sort of talk.........

 

Bit early for that sort of talk.........

Still, his last half-dozen starts have all shown improvement each time out.

 

If Gibby keeps throwing zeros = turned corner?

Lets see, after going thru the order 2-3 times......

Still, his last half-dozen starts have all shown improvement each time out.

Well, things were just about as terrible as they could get before. Yes he's improved and is possibly saving his job. But we'll see.

Now they're bringing up the twins not resigning David Ortiz. ESPN is just the worst

What else are they?

If Gibby keeps throwing zeros = turned corner?

Let's see if he actually makes it through 5 innings.

 

Still, his last half-dozen starts have all shown improvement each time out.

And, his ERA is ticking down dangerously into under-6 territory...

 

(which is better than 8+)

apparently gibson isn't a big fan of aaa per diem.

If he had a car...

Maybe he could car per diem?

I like the nice LOW target Giminez is giving Gibson.