To the people saying there's a lot to agree with here, did you read the entire thing? I've bolded the stupid parts and there's a lot of bold in this paragraph.

There's a reason all these guys had 5 ERAs last year. The Twins used to have success developing guys who didn't throw hard but could command the fastball. Now they don't throw hard and they have no command.... Ervin Santana's their ace, but he's actually a three.... José Berrios still hasn't turned the corner. I'm unimpressed by his ability to command the fastball.... Glen Perkins hasn't pitched much this spring. If he can't close for them, they're in big trouble. Well, they're in big trouble anyway.... They gave Jason Castro a lot of money to be their front-line guy. They had a good defensive catcher in Kurt Suzuki and let him walk. I would rather have Suzuki than Castro.... Joe Mauer's health is in question, like always. He's an opposite-field hitter now. If there's a man on third, he will get him home, period.... Brian Dozier is a dead high-ball hitter, but even if he hits 30 home runs, they could lose 100 games. They should have moved him.... Minnesota has brought a lot of guys up before they're ready. Byron Buxton is still a dead pull hitter. With his speed, he should be going the other way, he should bunt, and he doesn't.... Miguel Sano can swing the bat, but he's not very good at third. You hope he knocks in more than he lets in.... . They keep touting their outfield—Eddie Rosario, Buxton, Max Kepler. They all have good arms, but in the major leagues your corner outfielders have to be offensive players.... This team has a chance to be the worst in the league.

 

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-yuuVhiRkJg4/UzXQ1f27kxI/AAAAAAAA4Pg/Wm08jUxDKHc/s1600/30_AwcomonYou.jpg

Far too much of the article was true. Annoying.

I looked up Suzuki & Castro stats trying to find out what this guy was talking about (stolen bases?). Couldn't find a thing. So, the catcher part is as far off as I thought it was.

 

The pitcher part is too close to the truth.

Kepler & Rosario both need to pick it up offensively to show they are real, significant MLB outfielders. Neither inspires fear in the hearts of our opponents at this point.

 

Sucks, but this is the team we have for now.

 

To the people saying there's a lot to agree with here, did you read the entire thing? I've bolded the stupid parts and there's a lot of bold in this paragraph.
...

That was polite of you not to bold the whole thing right up to the last line.

And I'm certainly not going to burn any goodwill I have on this board to defend that 'scout'.

 

We believe in our young squad. He doesn't. I'm betting on the Twins. Not in April, but in the next year or so.

 

To the people saying there's a lot to agree with here, did you read the entire thing? I've bolded the stupid parts and there's a lot of bold in this paragraph.

There's a reason all these guys had 5 ERAs last year. The Twins used to have success developing guys who didn't throw hard but could command the fastball. Now they don't throw hard and they have no command.... Ervin Santana's their ace, but he's actually a three.... José Berrios still hasn't turned the corner. I'm unimpressed by his ability to command the fastball.... Glen Perkins hasn't pitched much this spring. If he can't close for them, they're in big trouble. Well, they're in big trouble anyway.... They gave Jason Castro a lot of money to be their front-line guy. They had a good defensive catcher in Kurt Suzuki and let him walk. I would rather have Suzuki than Castro.... Joe Mauer's health is in question, like always. He's an opposite-field hitter now. If there's a man on third, he will get him home, period.... Brian Dozier is a dead high-ball hitter, but even if he hits 30 home runs, they could lose 100 games. They should have moved him.... Minnesota has brought a lot of guys up before they're ready. Byron Buxton is still a dead pull hitter. With his speed, he should be going the other way, he should bunt, and he doesn't.... Miguel Sano can swing the bat, but he's not very good at third. You hope he knocks in more than he lets in.... . They keep touting their outfield—Eddie Rosario, Buxton, Max Kepler. They all have good arms, but in the major leagues your corner outfielders have to be offensive players.... This team has a chance to be the worst in the league.

 

By word count:

151 non bolded

116 bolded (might be 126, lost count of the tens)

 

by math, it's simple, way more to like than not like. 

 

By word count:

151 non bolded

116 bolded (might be 126, lost count of the tens)

 

by math, it's simple, way more to like than not like. 

That scout drove in more than he let in.

 

That scout drove in more than he let in.

Showing true grit all the way.

I did feel like I was reading "bot programmed to sound like it is 1980". You think a bot wrote this?

 

sounds like a game thread idea....

 

I did feel like I was reading "bot programmed to sound like it is 1980". You think a bot wrote this?

 

sounds like a game thread idea....

 

Damnit Mike! Don't go spilling the beans on Whine Line game thread secrets! 

 

Damnit Mike! Don't go spilling the beans on Whine Line game thread secrets! 

 

we need teh whine line this week, before it becomes real again next week for my bday....

In all seriousness, this guy is a professional. He's forgotten more about baseball than we'll ever know.

 

And he's forgotten a lot about baseball.

 

we need teh whine line this week, before it becomes real again next week for my bday....

 

We may open for business tomorrow. Depending on how my actual work schedule looks like. 

Maybe this article was meant as an April Fools Joke, but SI isn't so good with numbers/dates.

 

In all seriousness, this guy is a professional. He's forgotten more about baseball than we'll ever know.

 

And he's forgotten a lot about baseball.

 

I bet this guy still thinks Bartolo Colon throws 95 MPH 

http://weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/you-keep-using-those-words.jpg

 

Yeah its hard to take this very seriously. Reads like it was written 20 years ago.

 

It probably was...when Suzuki was a good defensive catcher.

That all seems very broad-stroke to me. Suzuki wasn't a good defensive catcher by any stretch of the imagination.

I kept reading but stopped paying much attention after that.

Hard to argue with the conclusion though.

agreed, but it begins and ends with pitching.

"They should have moved him...."

 

I think Brock decided to "mercy rule" the author and not bold this part.

 

Of course the Twins tried to move Dozier. The return, more than likely, just wasn't what the Twins needed it to be.

 

Yeah its hard to take this very seriously. Reads like it was written 20 years ago.

 

 

By an eight year old.

"They should have moved him...."

 

I think Brock decided to "mercy rule" the author and not bold this part.

 

Of course the Twins tried to move Dozier. The return, more than likely, just wasn't what the Twins needed it to be.

I let it slide because the rest of the paragraph was so much worse. At least that statement is subjective and not completely moronic.

Does this "scout" work for the Phillies?

Does this "scout" work for the Phillies?

You win teh internets.

 

TIL Hawk Harrelson writes for SI.

Lost it reading this one....well done sir

Anyone who has an analysis of Kurt Suzuki, like the writer has and put in his write up has no baseball credibility.

 

I let it slide because the rest of the paragraph was so much worse. At least that statement is subjective and not completely moronic.

Separating the chaff from the chaff as it were.

Does this "scout" work for the Phillies?

Damn. You beat me by 50 minutes.

I stopped reading when they said Kurt Suzuki was a good defensive catcher. No credibility in this report. 

Holy hell I can't believe how horrendous these takes are.

 

"José Berrios still hasn't turned the corner. I'm unimpressed by his ability to command the fastball" No freakin way

 

"Brian Dozier is a dead high-ball hitter, but even if he hits 30 home runs, they could lose 100 games." One year after he hit 42 home runs and they lost 103 games.

 

"This team has a chance to be the worst in the league." One year after they were the worst in the league. These are bold observations.

 

"Joe Mauer's health is in question, like always. He's an opposite-field hitter now." KEEN INSIGHT SO GOOD THEY HAVE ANONYMOUS SCOUTS TO FEED THEM THIS STUFF

 

Sorry I haven't read this whole thread and realize everyone has probably skewered this thing to bits but this is the worst thing I've read in 2017, Sports Illustrated should be completely ashamed for publishing this comment section drivel. Insulting to actual scouts everywhere.