Bummer, but had fun. You guys have a great one.

What did the traffic cop tell the youngster who asked him how to get to Target Field, Alex?

 

Location location location

After the cue ball he checks his food for size first.

 

Since ChiTown's not here, I'll offer an Ish in absentia.

Since ChiTown's not here, I'll offer an Ish in absentia.

 

Are you sure it's not an "Ick"?

Hundekacke!!!! So sad. ):

Good piece of hitting by Pinto, moving the runner over to third.

Converted to Twins metric system, great hitting. Tough loss. Gomez didn't announce that he cured the common cold, so Hardy's primary legacy as the guy who brought us Jim Hoey is intact.

 

Go Twins, and person in costume of cheese and beer-infused tube of nasty meat!

Location location location

 

Carnac: what three things did my real estate agent say when I goosed her?

Let's try this: Joe Mauer walks into a bar

Bartender: How's it going?

Mauer: Holding my own I guess

Bartender: You'd get arrested if you held someone else's.

I'm slow but trainable :0)

Carnac: what three things did my real estate agent say when I goosed her?

 

Settlement. Avoids. Trial?

Alright... I'm going to bed.

 

A few more and that's it.

 

Skeleton walks into a bar and says... Give me a beer... And a mop.

 

And Joe Mauer walks into a bar and says "ouch".

 

Terry Ryan walks into the same bar and places Joe on the 15 day DL.

 

Thank You... Thank You... (Bows and exit stage left)

And Joe Mauer walks into a bar and says "ouch".

 

Terry Ryan walks into the same bar and places Joe on the 15 day DL.

 

...twelve days later.

Hundekacke!!!! So sad. ):

 

Was looking up the translation of this, but had to stop when my dog asked to go out...

Hundekacke!!!! So sad. ):

 

Luckily, assistant moderator ashburyjohann is not here to issue an infraction.

Please Gardy, put Santana or Escobar in the lead-off spot. These games scoring 1 or 0 runs are fun and all, but really, what could it hurt?

Luckily, assistant moderator ashburyjohann is not here to issue an infraction.

Indeed, my virgin ears

...twelve days later.

 

http://i1.ytimg.com/vi/ypp2-w_lf_Q/hqdefault.jpg

 

Wait! What color was the poodle? What happened to the blonde female's clothing?

 

Good night to invoke the Bill James rule about pitching, which is that at any given time, about a tenth of the pitchers in MLB have been left for dead at some point in their careers. Routing for him.

Please Gardy, put Santana or Escobar in the lead-off spot. These games scoring 1 or 0 runs are fun and all, but really, what could it hurt?

 

Yep. And slip Mauer down to 6th. I'm ready to completely turn it over to the new guys

Luckily, assistant moderator ashburyjohann is not here to issue an infraction.

 

Yeah, and all we got in trade was Gomez. Who we traded for Hardy. Who we traded for Hoey. Who put Minnesota on some sort of U.N. sanctions list.

how about the dyslexic man that walked into the bra

how about the dyslexic man that walked into the bra

 

Saving the best for last, eh?

[ATTACH=CONFIG]7647[/ATTACH]

 

And now my dog and I are little bit closer, knowing how the whole tickle spot thing works...

 

http://www.twinsdaily.com/image/jpeg;base64,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%20iKAwyVXrmT31KmDZVepmT3wCzMhgOKNo379EJJRkTAKQYEZpObB9vukRqU0fz9ljEtmPn70hXCVXsnlE6nQdFIZOqRhHNUcEkySBtHrqYpJErlOgYhMWpyUyBhivNb3s%20CvUbwcfY5j5FelErifFlnivi/yaD6jy/hPjfYteGFCRKMNQuaugmDHomRYEnABYxStlCYI1HzCr0nLQOZUNayTmPUcf3VVL0TdLZARn36piPpKRdIg7J2nLigEFx6KKpazoMo33/ZTx8vomFPOY9UUYho2NztcvqhtFlLcwZCvMqBM4jbOUehdlBj5y%20i0rDSETGeev4UFNgGghSNMaJWFUXwSifUgEnZQUKwOuRUloEtI5Kf0p00UH6/hE0JinCuSHqOgfJQAo6pzA4ff9k8wc%20ylYUCwTqic31H3ROp8Emt4bazx48wgEA6BMwSQBuURbPfzU9go79ygzFgUQUxpQrEJsWynsYhw8klJh5pLGPUkxCdMQuYsMmCUJIBEVzXjCjLGO4OI9xP/VdEVmeIaeKg/lDvYz9JTLpgZw0JzATyTyTfDXQIAXE8lFU5KzHFUi8kmOJ%20qefRLekG1u5Qur/4%205S%20Fufbv0RYVR0QK1ShM558VFQaTHtHyj3%20qvAKqW%20YgTMkj6/VKPLOosfhhrQDUMmJIGgHDmUNsstMtwhgA5CHdcuHVWBbDUM5%20aDHKP5KsMu174JbIOmcdMgud097Z3zC10ji6lnI1/lCKK7e1eHYbLwCOAABHtqs%20x%20F3GrTBzpmSc4OWg9clVWmc2TDUnONoeyI0l6RaLtxNgMaI9VRreH2uEPaORGRCR5kmKsLa3s4FyMVzEHNdFeXhB7BNPzDgdVi1bqqtElhj3940VFSrsRzUlR7vrKjfUgd7qVzEAYCeQVNgQ2ETOp4fhO1nDqfwpPh78dOMblJ4j86e/NKMN/A5JVG5CE%200jONef7JUqRcYGc9%20yxgadOTAzn5clp06UDLRHZrGGDmdT%20FKWKbrY6RCEnFSYU/w0piGAkjNNJbox6W5IpygK5ywihLkWFIMWMR4UFos%20JpbxBHuIVoU1n3pflKgPM6Xf4Nzd%203qjxFbOGfZonlsq1SuBzPBTWy0uqOcYwNcSYnPMzruq%20AAZLqU/shWT9EZaXfq04Ims2GSno2cu0Gffsr9G7OJmYyA3WdTIqmrMnArNnu1ztoHPuV2t0%20FwRJpwBvurlpuLCCW5QkeRtf5KLGk9UcxY7kaIkYjxK0K1jaGOgCYwjLc5ZepV%20hSjVSvsgJZOgP8Ln5Nvs6plfChQsQpFoaJDh9MlZZVicOYBKJ9iLK/mktI8vDUfVWadjDHOEZO8w9YB%20ac6tEFSsKhc3MZTBBGXEev2R3O2asEfpb77KJzMLm5ZsP/jp9Pm1atkogVtf7T9UV6RruHsttpiFUtDBmrPxcIMxusa12yThbmTsAueqEmQmVGScTsI5ymNnouJw1WZf8hmqeJ9QYQ3DBg5Z5ZER1UlKzsb%20oEx7Ky/z6M8e/GcpftkNWuW06eTNXCPMcjqFjVLMQSIiNQR8hzXptGHaNy4qve1ysqtgjzEgAjWfuInJUnKTr/wA/XTPOWgjP5cP2QVM8xmBqOK1L5up9F2F2v9rhoe91SsllNRxDRoCfbVyvs5mtdEVlsznnCNteHqtinZAxsD1KuXRY3vaIp4QNwMjzU9a73N1ClTDOjOA4o8KsGmkWJdjFTChLFZc1Rlq2wEXw0lPKZE2jvgE4YjCoXnflKgPO7zbNGbj6bdTClodsvYVnXnftGhk90u/wbm7229YXKXn4uq1cqf8ASZy/Uf8A7benusVjBqZmc9zPfFVnH%20yVZf0bV4%20K61aQz%20kzkfN6u26D3WM2mOvPj6KTD/JSw/yqpJeEHTYgxatiunIOf1j8qzdF1iMT/wBQzCnt1aFzZc3yTrw4PtAYWjaIXQ%20HLlxnERmdOiwbnsZq1Bll916hc93hjBIzUJnbOq2pQYsrWNjYLHrw4EDotC9rTlA3VGztzA5Su2UcLZlWmxwQgw%20WStK30xsgp2YZA6FJw7Kcuih8HHGZPVWv9iSBLojTLl81LXpimDOgBPtwnXZXaN0VXAGQJEwB9zqg5SGWSiibtDgc5JEEqvXaKRAbL3QRA19/RblK7wwZnEd%20yoawDZgeqlWRLwqk69ZzFp%20IB5hxVK7bI9xJbkRqeHTmtW8rQ4zHudFXux5iI8pzLuJUcabezoSXjDp3e4GC/LkPmpKdmaNp5nPfImVPVIg7HvioalSBxPD7lWK0kuwqtWPwo2kkjY7cpOvXRAZz34k7ngti5Lrzxu9PyskQutHMeNbjrGkx1MAtbm4CS/h6iNgg8A%20FnVJrPBDc2hpnPMSekj1XeXnZwQ1gMY3Nb6an5Aras1jaxoa0ZAAALpT60cFNt7MyldTRo0AKpa7mDp8q6M05y90z7PlAWFR55b7hYJlumsaxyWS%204xoCc9NxpK7a%20nhroXJ28OxQ0wD09Y4Lk5NVrZ1cU1sx611PadJVOrTI1C3GVHAgGcuis2ymwsxVAARpsSqJsVyjli1JSvYJTKhLsa8/GNWpIpf0m8dXn129PdYMZknM7k5%20p/dCE8996KylLw5apsklEDuofiI7OzG4DnqmBonoUHVHYWCT0XTXf4YiHPyd7gLX8P3QKbeJPe6v1m6yuXJk30jqx49dsxLRDMgVmGl8R2We38LZtNkkElb3hTw7hh9QCduX7rmlOmdvJRO2XPC3h74bQXDMjNdDXqBogIn1Q3yt1VK01QOZXZEaRxXbpmZbnSZ9UFmn9UZcfxxQ290CNz9Fl0bQ95wtOYy09FUQnvO14SSYjKFHZ75FQgNGf2VO9Lprgf1PNJyGwynP6%20it3Td2BoPEJQmpdljZVqPbVDagwtyImDJOh0OmfJdFVqNaIkN5cui5kZnFGekiR9FLSoDnnzP3U32MujTfaqf%20Yn3VB1oa%20YaTnHmBb6gGMk7Whu0KwzCUimfo/KjnbfYy1zXfqZnLQNDxjcKA219Q4abct3HID7ldS6zjgsmpccFxY4gHbL5J%20K%20FceXS1RnkBsAy8gSY%20uWyF7CJMYeeU%20kKIWTC7zB%20mesE%20mq37pu4ud8SoP8A4tO3M8/ok4l6yKVsiui4y4BzxDdhueZ5LfZSgqUFDiTa0cVW6fYVKyh7wTBwZ85IjL0J91cLwBzVazVIaSdyufvi9nOd8Onq8QDwGhPoJPsnSJnUMrDONVhX34nZZ2ve90NZrGpOgaPVSWS2imMLpmPovOvH7XVXNFLN2OcM75wfRCmukPKNehehtLG1zHnnIGYgkRO%20irWqpkQdNjwOxV647u/29nZScP0gkncuPmcTwE/RZVutILjC47Wns6oe0czfXiF9JzRBk655iDBgJ7LeDaoxBxcd5OY6jZVr9uh1Y4m/qbkB81zQc6m/drhv%20V1xCc9enPdPl/DtSUliUfED8ImliPETB%20SSbgyfIrpJw1ad23FUraeVvEqrevTnS2ZgarFmYS5pGgIn3C7WweE6LB5/OeenyW5ZLjs7dGMHfNT/ACL4VWJ/SW7Wj4QI5J61OTCez0g1xaP0q3UpAg8SNui5qnZ0pnN0LYTWdgIhpiTk3Fv1K6GzXs9uTgC0DkDHouHqWB9Iw7MsdIicxBhw5q3Zr2h4JJdmcic9IbM5ap5jXgKrZ29S9cp3KxrTf5ByzcdB9%20iO0MLh5QTGmRH8pULscDJjq7dW2TUr6R2QucJJJLuO5W5dNgwy5wAVWlaGt/TBKqWoF5kuj1J%20Uwig12a9pY1zjDi4kiRMtAHDmZRfChUbvtjQMIjvorz64jMgeqLkmUqzw31RUKoKqXjUaQYKq2O3CNdFyU3NF5SaNl54KE1XDRBTtIO%20SnqMyR9ZihZr0c6pgEuI1jQdTstttMuEH5Kvd11sp5uzcc%20xotB2hMqviE9ZHRogmFaFCFFZnNKtDmVk9gZDVKz7xvIUmOcTEDfjw6q8%20u3MAyRwXnPiS%206jq/wYwQc5ggjYwZDhHEcQiNjjk9Hcm2g2ekZgPDSf/wAyfmuQuTxO11otDqpAa1waw6ZZ4h7tB9VvWasLRZ2gZlo002ggbD9l5hfdyVqXxRhdAIc08jinLUH9PsqTponXp6PR8WWeq/CKjccGG5rAtdUf7kuEZEQdc4zXm9ge6pWYGzic9kQM9QDEL0m8fC9o%20GTTMVCZA5cCdj91HMt9FMVaNSv8SoyG7hYL7IWEzqr9gvSsGNFQDGGjEIiHZznuOiz7RWLpzBc7Uzt/i38rlaOmWyrSY1xdBGKe55Ll/El4UySwNDn7uGg9d11lG7A6WmWzlIOx5hcafCtT/cPpD9LTm/aNR1PJdeLS9OfL70YSS9Bp%20GaTQBhaY3c2SepSVef8I8TJuiw/EcOA17hdrR8jQBoFzPhiiczAjj%20F0dRy5M9vei%20CFrZHXvPDqVgWzxBUqGASGjgdeavW2zTKwK91PaCQZCTGkdDZqWO9KmUVHe67/wAPW01WAu1GRXl9noERlG66vw3ehZUA/tMA9eKqnp6EpckdpbrrD4OYI0IiVWZcQlpdLsOkx9lq2eriAVqmQExAzjZXAZCOqzLVRe4nET6ZZroq1TJUnMnZUlIXkZNmu8a5q6LI07K0xnJO5ioB1sanZgFFbbAHjKQVOxxlTtasKcH4gt5s%20RaZ2I091x1ovGo4yXEbwDH0Xe/6kFraTARmTl03XnKRQl2LVvw27u8TVGgA5wd/kvTrjo4qbXuMuI02HTj1XjELoLl8Z1qADTDmDY5O9CjwW9gVvxnqlRuSzK9IqldvjOhXAGIMf/i7LPkdCtX4zSBGZOiDRRMqU7Vg1MfPNV33%20S/C5xaDvGXqdQp2tcQTUYGwcswTHtksi30w6XbN%20a5bya6R0RG%202dLTt7KYOIgEDPReWeLb6bWtAdSJhrcOLiZJMcs1Svm9zaH6nC1oYM9cO/OT9As%20OC6YnS7OS670blzeKn0cnS4H3zXT0PF1GrhNRxadJ3jgciCF57ohJTcF6hfyM9WsVSw03fHApl8Rj8rTB6RG6jt/jqgzNj55Dzfx7ryt1RBEo8Qq/wCG7fnih1YkNBaCcydT7afNZdCs8D9RjhKFlOM3d98Vo3bc7qvmdLWbbF3TgOaHGUgc7p9MuXVedd4hoBA/uOQC1WtDW%20YzqSeafysbAhrRoNhCzqtUvOeTfr1UtL1HSnTWmQ2mXuLgXweByyEJKxPRMm5UDRS8P2vItyyW8K64ejXLTIK2aV9iBJOQzUs2Jt7QcORJaZtVHAqtaW8OCpOt4dv80bbQI1XPxaOrkmMWZgHfJSMeGOJGxkKGrag3eT1WbaLa46HJVmHTEvLMo9Ou69cTGkHVadG8huvM7m8RFgwO047hdLY74a/QjiqUnJBUqO1bWlGwLmKV4HjktKjeogTqmnImasbNg0lG6mp6TSQJ1RfClWIlcUVKxqnbTXM%20M/F7LMwsYQazsgP8f%20R58At6ZvRx3%20oN7Nq2gMaZFIEE/wDInMen5XKjl9knEnMnXOfqiHJEi3tghOev5TFN1WAHZ2NdUY10hrnQSMyBqT7A5L2W4Ljo0KMUnl06vcZJyyjgI2C8xuy6S1rK7g0tM4RwzwE8Jg%20i9JusUhSApCBrJzknM9eCnb66OjGtdjXkScgclwXim%20sINFhPM/Ij7Le8V%20IzRYMA8zyQHHQQJnrmCvOKkklxMkmc/qpRi2%20TK1l0uKBpNyjZHOyEd9/ZIldRxsRcgLk0omtnv6rGBwT33kp20w3XM8O%20/tI2nBDWjE47byt%206rmDPO/N%203Bv780tUpDMuitddxycdYdG/n8LYrVcIziBoir1ABz%20aq4STLvQcFB1v06plJdERqF2Z02H5SAzKM69E4ZnKwxEaZSU5TLbBs4yUpQQnC6TkCB5qQVTxUQCKVtG2FinVOCh0Tx3391jBAqRlct0JHTvmo0Uce/ygY1rBe1ZxDWguOkBeg3FdL24alb9X9rBoDxPE/Jcx4atLKdFrtC4mTAnIwB05LsbHeTciQY5armbnl4daVKfTcp0XOHAKO3X7Qsrf6tQN4DUnoBmVg%20KvFrbNR8n/uVAQxpzjYuPThuV5ZWtDqjsT3FzjqSZJ74BdC7Oeq0dr4g/1NfUllnaWA5Yz%20qOQ270XFPeSSXElxnMmZ6qMOSJy7zTE29jkpSgCcFYAU%20/fshI77%20iUd9/VOOff4QMblxX%201lM0aoJpkyCNWneB%20FNbPEpYPh0amKf7g3DygzqYjgucPsO%204ScI0jvvRDS2PyZYtNse%20DUeXxoCdJ1VV5zlMRGqEnimFbHc5AUipqNCc9uPf1WMDSozp7q3Z6Bc7BSEk78OJJ9u8hJYrG6qcLMmjV2w/J75nfo2AUWwwdTueqSr0PEOu34Bd12NpDLzOIzd9hwCs1q4b1OgUT7VGQzKgI3Oqg2dakPFnJMnvRSB4A4Ku0lHVdI/KAWSgJRmo6NT27lGXaooADkkBf0SR2A41PKGU4K6TjDhOhTwsYIoo49/hDMJ2nvvRYAWPJMQljKdYxbsFvLCR/ae5XY%20HrwDjE96rg1bu68DTdIJhRyY99o6MWTS4vw9Cv2422lgBOF7ZwO2z1a7lp0Xn1ssL6TyyoIcNtjzBGo6Ltrrvxry1rjrkOZ3C0b68PMtFJw0e0Sx3P/ABPIrS2gXOzzAuS76p6lMsJaRBBIPIjUGEA5qxzhx/Heqc997oQnlYwiUh3%2035SIjX59/JKT0CBhTPTvuUJPfeyTn8EGJEw5Qp2jv6KYUw0Eu14cOfM99MEZtCBJ077hX7Fd7q0T5WfM9OSlu27PiHFU01DdzzdwC2gMOmg%20nopVfxFsePfbDszQwYQAG7AKG0WrPyzP0/dDXtM5DvooWhRZ0pDgQPqjSaMkQalCA1SPdlCjeo3uygIowdHcbIDX2Q03ajuVHWeBJPvsn%20CjmrySWLV8QGThaI2kkH22STfjYNmbKdpQJ8SuchIHAd9wkgBRd98VgBh3BP33wQBycBYxIHJb8UGLvvVPiWAPKRKGe%209E4I77yWCXbDVOknfDHEiPTRdf4dv%20rjp0i4EYvMXaxByB4zC4alWLXBw1BkdVof8AqjJnC4dDlz%20aDRSa/Zo%20NLCKdqJbpUGKOeju%20awcKtXhehq4SdRPPWO/VUte/r%20FktE36EH8O%20%20KJ2Xffuoy6O%20/ZPi3RAPPff1SL1HilMXLGCc7ZOxsmPZKm2T37lWGDRrAS53DUn8LGEBh0zcchGfoO/33bquXDD6sF2zdm9eJUt13MKfmfm877N5D8rQqVAMzlCjV76ReMeu2FWjDmqNV5Iy0%20qmc0uzOQ4clOWgzkpeFjNYJRSitFIjTRA4yg0PsKqOaDGmKAuWAH8RA5A%20soa1cNBJMBNoxJUqhoJJiNVzl53mahgZNGg%205/CG8rzNQxo0aD7nnyVBzleJ0TqhnDPdJNhKSoIWCUZ%20ydJAiMzQJz3806SxmGPwmGoTJLAHakUkljEj9uiAbJJLAHnXvZEN0klgi4qTb0/KSSIAG/b7IX6%20idJAwLvwnbqkkiYtWf9Pv/wBfyVr%20FWiahjPITvGf4CdJTvwfH/0dE3RZtoPn75JJKJ1FmdVKxJJLJiq/U9CqrNEkkfgRt1FXSSQGIp0WTfp/QObkkk8eiPwwNvX8qYDyeqdJdJIZzk6SSAT/2Q==

Wait! What color was the poodle? What happened to the blonde female's clothing?

 

I forgot my pencil.

I laughed, then hated myself afterward.

Hello, fellow Twins fan! And Woody Allen,

Edited June 3, 201412 yr by LaBombo

I forgot my pencil.

 

Maybe something to write on will help...

http://yourkidsandsports.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/LineupCardswithRoster.jpg