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Respy

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Blog Entries posted by Respy

  1. Respy
    After a 3-game series against the Yankees where Willians Astudillo did not record a strikeout in 10 at-bats, the Yankees officially protested the game on September 12th. Manager Joe Girardi, and pitcher David Robertson, contended that the strike zone should be wider for a batter of Astudillo's girth. Seemingly, David Robertson was frustrated that he allowed his first earned runs since July, and couldn't figure out how strike out Astudillo in a key situation.
     
    "The strike zone is normally only 17 inches wide. Are you trying to tell me that someone as wide as that guy should have the same strike zone width? We adjust the height of the strike zone for each batter, so this just doesn't make any sense."
     
    After the game, Major League Baseball's Executive VP of Baseball Operations, Richard Alderson, released the following statement:
     
    "Major League Baseball, and the office of Baseball Operations, has denied the formal protest by the Yankees on September 12th. MLB Rule 2.00 states that 'The STRIKE ZONE is that area over home plate...' and is not dependent on the torso width, or fluffiness, of a given batter. Major League Baseball does not discriminate against certain players, including those who are more corpulent than others."
     
    MLB pitchers will need to find another way to get Astudillo out, who has only 2 strikeouts and 0 walks in 48 MLB plate appearances, and only 85 walks (9 intentional) in 2462 minor league plate appearances. Astudillo currently leads all of Major League Baseball with a #DIV/0 strikeout-to-walk ratio.
  2. Respy
    (Entry photo by Gregory Shamus/Getty Images)
     
    Fogo de Chão, a Brazilian steakhouse with all-you-can-eat tableside-carved meats, was attributed by Eduardo Escobar before this season as a big reason for his success in 2017, according to an interview by the Star Tribune.
     
    Reportedly, Eduardo Escobar is unwilling to be traded to any team whose home ballpark is not located near a Fogo de Chão. Namely, of the teams still in playoff contention this year, this will entirely rule out St. Louis (Cardinals), Cleveland (Indians), and Milwaukee (Brewers). It will likely also rule out the Los Angeles Angels, whose stadium is in Anaheim, 2 hours away from the nearest Fogo de Chão.
     
    We reached out to Escobar, and he stated “Hey man, I really like Fogo de Chão. No Fogo de Chão would be no bueno. Big meat equals big hits.”
     
    Of all the divisions in baseball, only the NL West has Fogo de Chão locations in every city, meaning likely suitors for Escobar could be the Dodgers, Diamondbacks, or Giants (who have a 90%, 45%, and 12% chance of reaching the playoffs in 2018, respectively, according to Fangraphs as of July 5th).
     
    On the year, Escobar, a utility infielder who has mostly played third base this year, is hitting .277 (.867 OPS) with 13 homeruns and 50 RBI. Eduardo Escobar will be a Free Agent at the end of the 2018 season, after earning $4.85M this season with the struggling Minnesota Twins.
  3. Respy
    During the final game of the last homestand against the Rangers, after the Twins dropped the first three games of the series to the Rangers, many fans noticed a change to the familiar Minnie and Paul celebration sign in center field.
     
    As an apparent gesture of the Twins performance this year, likely in particular that of the offense lately, Minnie and Paul had paper bags placed over their heads. Minnie and Paul are well-known for their friendly handshake over the Mississippi River.
     
    Minnesota Twins Senior Director of Ballpark Development and Planning Dan Starkey said, “We felt this was the correct gesture to ensure that Twins fans have the right mentality when coming to Target Field to cheer on the Twins this year.” He added, “We are considering making additional changes to the famous Minnie and Paul sign. For example, after Joe Mauer leaves the Twins or retires, we’re considering changing the handshake to some kind of fist bump to appeal to current players and millennial fans.”
     
    We asked Starkey if they had any additional plans around Target Field, other than with Minnie and Paul, to commemorate the failing Twins season. “Well if the Twins are truly going to continue being a bad team this year, why not embrace that and find ways to enjoy it? When the Twins are officially eliminated from playoff contention, we are planning on hosting a paper bag giveaway sponsored by Cub Foods so every fan can watch the game from the comfort and security of a paper bag over their head with some eye holes poked into it. We’ll even have mini paper bags for the kids,” Starkey said.
  4. Respy
    Yesterday a picture was leaked of a napkin left at an Applebees in Santa Monica, California, last month while the Twins were visiting the Los Angeles Angels. The napkin was left there inadvertently by, reportedly, Twins Major League Coach Jeff Pickler who was dining at the restaurant with other members of the Twins coaching staff.
     
    The napkin had pictured, among other things, sketches of proposed fielding alignments. Some of the alignments were titled “Ryan Suter,” “Mexico,” and “Mauer.”
     
     
    Jeff Pickler was hired during the 2016-2017 offseason by the Minnesota Twins as a coach to help with various aspects of the Twins at the major league level, but most notably by studying tapes and determining outfielder positioning for a talented trio which included Eddie Rosario, Byron Buxton, and Max Kepler to start the season.
     
    The Applebees server, who requested to be left anonymous, stated that Pickler “Seemed like a nice guy…” but was “a crappy tipper” and “deserves to have his strategies exposed.”
     
    One anonymous bench coach for a Major League Baseball team commented, “These are ****ing stupid. Except for the Mauer one. We’ll probably use that one.”
     
    Shown below are graphics for the various shifts sketched on the discovered napkin:
     
    "Ryan Suter"
     

     
    "Sieve"
     

     
    "T-ball"
     

     
    "Mauer"
     

     
    "Mexico"
     

     
    "Broadcast Interview"
     

     
    "Chris Davis"
     

     
    "Batman"
     

     
    Twins coach Jeff Pickler could not be reached for comment for this article.
  5. Respy
    Byron Buxton practicing his catching in front of a US border wall prototype in June, 2018
     
    SAN DIEGO – After suffering for months with severe migraines and with a history of concussions, Byron Buxton announced on Twitter (@OfficialBuck103) yesterday that he’s officially stepping away from Major League Baseball.
     
    “We’ll miss his presence on the field and in the clubhouse. He’s definitely one of the best center fielders of all time. We wish him the best in his future endeavors,” said Derek Falvey, Minnesota Twins Executive Vice President and Chief Baseball Officer.
     
    Buxton later announced that he’s been working out at a U.S. Department of Homeland Security (DHS) facility in San Diego, California where he’s training to catch bags of drugs, typically heroin, being thrown over the border walls from Mexico to the United States.
     
    When asked about the new work he’s preparing for, Buxton said “At least I don’t need to hit anymore.” He added, “I was born to climb walls and catch. And this way, I can also do it while proudly serving my country.”
     
    But, is catching baggies of drugs going to be as easy as catching baseballs? Buxton stated, “The tricky part is that all of the bags can come in different sizes and weights. But if it fits in my glove, I’m going to catch it. Just as long as the border wall is not 55 or 60 feet tall like I’ve heard some people are proposing.”
     
    Carla Provost, Acting Chief for the U.S. Border Patrol division of the DHS, said that they have had their eye on Buxton for a while, and contacted him when he went on the disabled list in April for migraines. “Last year we really dove into the analytics of border security. We have this new metric, abbreviated DRS, which stands for Drug Rings Squandered. We expect that Byron will step right in and lead the division in DRS.”
     
    We caught up with Border Patrol Assistant Chief, Percy Woolbright, to ask about Buxton. “He’ll be a natural at this. He’s really talented. He can cover a lot of wall, too, because I saw his sprint speed has been measured at over 30 feet per second. Also, Byron can come to work every day knowing that the weather along the US-Mexico border is much more predictable than in Minnesota. And if Florida ever decides to secede from the Union like it did in 1861, we’ll set up a new border wall along the US and Florida, and Byron can work close to his family in Georgia.”
     
    One might assume that because of the orientation of catching fly balls against the fence in baseball, he should technically be positioned on the south (foreign) side of the wall to catch drugs being catapulted from Mexico. Commenting on this, Woolbright said, “Umm…Oops.”
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