LastOnePicked

Four tiny words mean last season's over 
Pitchers and catchers report
A tough year to watch, or remain sober
Pitchers and catchers report
A winter spent refreshing MLB rumors
Praying that Falvey makes a big move or
re-signs Correa? LOL! That’s good humor!
Pitchers and catchers report
A crowded rotation? No chance that’s true.
Pitchers and catchers report
No bad backs or elbows or bubonic flu?
Pitchers and catchers report
We’ll finally see pitching, for which we’ve waited
Mahle & Lopez, Sonny, Maeda,
Ryan & Ober (though he could get Sainted)
Pitchers and catchers report
Pico de Gallo adds power that pleases 
Pitchers and catchers report
Plus K-rriffic swings that add cooling breezes
Pitchers and catchers report
We added a Farmer who fields everywhere 
Also a Taylor (for when Buxton’s not there)
A new framing Christian will answer our prayers. 
Pitchers and catchers report. 
Finally you take your turn as poet
Pitchers and catchers report
Channel your winter frustration and show it
Pitchers and catchers report
The comments below are a great place to bleat
Two tens and three ‘levens provide you the beat
(But add words wherever, if like me you cheat).
Pitchers and catchers report

All player images are courtesy of ESPN.com

I’ve watched countless veterans get a shot to wake up the echoes of past glory for the Minnesota Twins. In a tale as old as time, those veterans simply didn’t have it anymore, be that “it” talent, youth, conditioning, anabolic steroids, some cocktail of all these things, you name it. I’ve watched Steve Carlton and Sidney Ponson and Rondell White and Butch Huskey and Bret Boone and Joe Crede and Mike Pelfrey and Ricky Nolasco and Ramon Ortiz and Steve Howe and Roberto Kelly and Greg Myers and Pat Borders and Ruben Sierra and Greg Swindell and Mike Morgan and Todd Jones and Mike Fetters and Jesse Orosco and James Baldwin and Phil Nevin.
I’ve talked myself into Brian Fuentes as a possible closer. It feels good to admit this in a public forum. My shame is yours now.
Given all that I’ve learned, and knowing that for every Paul Molitor there are 145 Shane Rawleys, I want you to know what I think about Chris Archer.
I think he’s going to be just fine.
Given all the names I’ve listed without even mentioning John Candelaria, not even once, you are likely wondering why I think Archer will be perfectly adequate.
Because I need it very badly.
I could really use a good, solid Twins season in 2022. I say this knowing extremely well that 40% of the starting rotation are veterans trying to prove something after a bad year or years, 40% are just kids, and 20% is Sonny Gray. It’s challenging to be optimistic!
And yet. It’s going to be alright. Do I have proof of this? Of course not. But the fact remains, I’d really like for it to happen, and it feels like the universe owes us a kindness. Might that feeling just be a breakfast burrito repeating on me? Absolutely.
But this time, it’ll be different.

“When I was growing up, we didn’t just cut a guy loose after a bad year, we kept him on the team for years,” said Stephen Gilchrest, an electrician from Castle Rock Township. “It sucked. I hated every minute of it.”
The 50-year-old father of two was in the prime of his Twins-loving life when Minnesota acquired reliever Ron Davis from the New York Yankees. It left a mark on Gilchrest that he says he still feels.
“I don’t think you really ever get over something like that,” said Gilchrest, his voice lowering as he battled to keep his emotions in check. “At the same time, it teaches you so many valuable lessons that you can draw on in everyday life.”
Such as?
“Pain. Life is pain. Keep your expectations low. Understand that the world is not fair, and it will never be fair. Unqualified people will maintain positions of privilege despite flaws so glaring it’ll make your teeth hurt. Ron Davis will be your team’s closer for over four years and there’s nothing you can do about it. Admittedly that last one is super specific, but it still resonates.”
Although many might be glad the Twins are opening a new chapter in their search for a 2022 closer, Gilchrest is not among their ranks.
“What kind of lesson does it teach the kids of today when the Twins can just go out and make the right decision, just like that,” asked Gilchrest. “I had to suffer for years. I listened to the Jamie Quirk game on the radio and my dog died the next day. I buried Shep and my dreams on the same weekend in 1984.
“You know who the closer was in 1985? Ron Davis. That’s when I stopped going to mass.”
Gilchrest worries that the move might cause some younger fans to get too confident in the team’s prospects.
“They’ll probably get a younger guy on a cheaper deal and he’ll turn out to be OK, maybe even better than OK, and the kids will get their hopes up,” said Gilchrest. “Hope. That’s what always gets you. Hell, I’m thrilled that they’re going in a different direction, but isn’t it even more important to let the children know that nothing gets better? Put Colome out there with a 2-run lead on Opening Day 2022. They’ll learn something that day.”

The New York Yankees have petitioned Major League Baseball to reschedule last Sunday’s postponed game versus the Minnesota Twins to 2022.
While make-up games are ordinarily played in the same season, the Yankees claim that there are special circumstances about this matchup that make it more favorable to play next year.
“We won’t bore you with tall tales of competitive balance or fresh legs,” said a team spokesperson. “Another loss to the Yankees in 2021 is meaningless to this broken, beaten franchise. You can’t steal from the man who has nothing! We want the Twins to suffer. The suffering is why.”
Sources in the Yankees front office say they’re confident they will not need an extra win over Minnesota this season as they fight for a playoff spot. Instead, the chance to inflict ceaseless pain and torment on the Twins and their fanbase is the club’s primary focus.
“Every baseball team, even Baltimore, exits Spring Training with optimism,” said the spokesperson. “Snuffing that optimism out is delicious. Snuffing that optimism out of the Twins is beyond delicious. The tears of stoic Upper Midwesterners just taste a little saltier. You can tell it hurts. The tears have meaning, purpose.”
The Twins aren’t scheduled to play New York until June 7, 2022, when they begin a three-game series at Target Field.
“There is an open date on Monday, June 6,” said a Yankees source. “Can you just imagine if the Twins have turned things around and are leading the AL Central after Memorial Day? And then for four days, just a constant pummeling in front of their loving fans. Night after night after night after night. A couple 15-2 beatdowns, a couple 11-10 comebacks with blown saves. It’s happening again. You’re powerless to stop it. And there are three more days left in New York in case the light of hope flickers anew. You fools. You fools.”
The source then cackled for 45 minutes straight.
Image license here.