BrooklynBrent

It is! Beautiful place. Got married there.

Blindeke, are you the famous writer of the “Parking lots of Minneapolis”? I’m a huge fan.

Hey! What if we’re going about this all wrong? What if we went the other way with the season? What if we intentionally LENGTHENED it? just imagine for a moment: pitchers hemming and hawing on the mound; batters calling endless timeouts to take their gloves off and put them on again. Checks to first base to hold a runner, even when there isn’t a runner there! Games might stretch into 1am with repeated calls for reviews of groundout tags and argued balls/strikes. —Not too hard to imagine, is it? Games are already too long, so why not use it to our advantage? What if Rocco suddenly called for a spot check of the pitcher because he “saw something fishy”? Twice. In the same inning! How would the broadcast booth react if Max Kepler trotted into the outfield wearing a diaper because “this might be awhile”? Would umpires be shocked if Jorge stepped out of the box “for a little shuteye”? Perhaps each reliever (and there’s lots of em!) could warm up on the mound, then shake their head and go back to the pen, muttering “it’s not clicking yet.” Maybe Joe Mauer returns to Target field to highlight a couple “real sweet deals” on a “barely” used 2010 Ford Taurus? Even upper management could help out by changing the 7th inning stretch into the 7th inning siesta. Make all the seats reclinable? —Maybe we could offer to play everyone else’s double-headers! Bobble-head day becomes free haircut on the field day. First 10,000 fans through the door get to shake Kenta Maeda’s hand, in person and between innings (while a guy in a tux and golden microphone introduces each of them). Night games take a break to turn off the lights and “enjoy the night sky for awhile”. We could even use psychological warfare and shorten every game to 6 innings in an effort to speed up the game (only to introduce Cricket rules!) We could have more… …Joe Mauer! —Maybe he makes a short speech everyday before the game on topics close to his heart, like… Fish. And… car. It’d be great! “Leadership chats” we could call them, and they’d be ghosted by Kent Hrbeck, and it’d be full of funny Greg Gagne jokes. Would the White Sox eventually surrender? Probably not. But Kansas City might! And they would be annoyed. Oh, they’d be white-hot mad! And that sounds pretty good to me. And so does haircut day, that’d be better than a “gently” used 2010 Jeep Cherokee with under 200,000 miles. (Call Joe Mauer for a quote.)