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A Minnesota Twins Christmas Carol - Part 1  
A Minnesota Twins Christmas Carol - Part 2 
A Minnesota Twins Christmas Carol - Part 3 
Jim Pohlad is awakened yet again but this time isn’t even surprised. He has now come to expect interruption to his sleep on this bizarre Christmas Eve.
This time a man appears in a Los Angeles Dodgers jersey. Although the face looks familiar, he can’t quite place a name with it. Just at that moment, the man began to speak.
“My name is Royce Lewis, and I am the ghost of Twins' Christmas Future,” the man said. “I am going to take you to the future so you can see where your penny-pinching has gotten your franchise.”
The year is 2030. The Twins’ last winning season, 2020, was a full decade ago. Players such as Jordan Balazovic, Matt Canterino and Jhoan Duran have all since left via free agency when the Twins claimed they couldn’t afford to keep them. Lewis himself was sent to the Dodgers for a handful of minor leaguers after winning the American League MVP award in 2026.
Pohlad is shocked to see the vast emptiness of Target Field during a game on a beautiful July night. Advertising has now taken over the entire stadium like moss on a tree. Ads are spray-painted on the outfield grass, an ad is projected into the sky above left field. Even the hot dogs now feature edible advertising right there on the bun.
One thing was missing, however: the fans. There were maybe 1,000 fans in attendance and most of those were in the former Metropolitan Club, which was now a VR-based sports book used to gamble on the outcome of games.
Inside the 3M Presents DraftKings SportsBook brought to you by Target in association with Land O’ Lakes were a series of televisions, each of them showing baseball games being played in front of full stadiums.
With hockey and football both declining in popularity due to violence and head injuries, baseball has surged back into the forefront of the American sports conversation. Stadiums from Vancouver to Miami were packed full of fans, but not Target Field.
“What happened? Why is Target Field so empty,” Pohlad asked. “What about the Target Field experience? Doesn’t anyone care about the Target Field experience?!”
“The Target Field experience can only carry you so far, Mr. Pohlad,” Royce Lewis says wistfully. “When you stopped spending money on the team, the fans stopped spending money on the team.
“There are no more profits to be had and the franchise value has declined a significant amount due to poor attendance and a poor reputation in general,” Lewis concluded.
That last part, the part about declining profits and franchise value, pushed Pohlad to the edge. He finally succumbed to emotion and began to sob. He swore from that point on he would change his ways.
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"Scrooge" wakes up on Christmas morning feeling much more refreshed than he thought he would. He calls for his butler, Rudy, and announces he needs to be taken to Target Field immediately.
“But sir, it’s Christmas,” Rudy says. “You have the day off!”
“Yes, Rudy, but Thad and Derek are working today and I have some good news to share,” Pohlad said with an uncharacteristic smile on his face. Rudy offers to take his temperature to make sure he is feeling well, but is waved off by a giggling Jim Pohlad.
Pohlad walks into Target Field to find Falvey and Levine signing Christmas carols over the burning trash in the Astros garbage can. Shocked to see him on Christmas, Falvey and Levine instantly start to panic and explain why their boss just caught them singing songs and not working.
“Never mind that,” Pohlad said with a warm smile. “I have come to share great news!”
Jim Pohlad explains that he had been working the phones on the way to the office and he personally reached out to Gausman’s agent and agreed to a five-year contract. Derek Falvey instantly fainted upon hearing this and needed to be revived so he could hear the rest.
What’s more, the Twins’ owner has also agreed to re-sign Jose Berrios and has made an offer to free agent shortstop Carlos Correa. This news sends Levine into a vertigo-like spin, and Falvey helps him into his seat before he falls to the ground, dizzy from happiness.
“Merry Christmas to all! Merry Christmas Thad and Derek,” Pohlad said while handing them the 2022 Bill James handbook. “From now on, use THIS version to look for only the best current players to sign. After all, we have a World Series to win this year!
Falvey asked Levine to slap him to make sure he wasn’t dreaming. Levine happily obliged but they were still there.
“Merry Christmas to all of the loyal Twins fans out there that shell out their hard-earned money year after year after year to follow this team,” Pohlad shouted out his office window to the empty playing field below.
News of the big signings soon made their way to the internet. Suddenly, the sound of phones ringing fills the room.
The phones are jammed with Twins fans eager to buy season tickets for this exciting team. A new era of Twins baseball had begun.
 
A Minnesota Twins Christmas Carol - Part 1  
A Minnesota Twins Christmas Carol - Part 2 
A Minnesota Twins Christmas Carol - Part 3 

A Minnesota Twins Christmas Carol - Part 1  
A Minnesota Twins Christmas Carol - Part 2 
Jim Pohlad tosses and turns in bed and finally awakens with a start. He gasps and feels his pajamas, which are soaked in sweat. He reaches for his end table and takes a big drink of water. He isn’t sure why, but he is absolutely parched.
“Oh, my, what a terrible dream,” Pohlad says. “And stupid because that story has a happy ending, we got our stadium.”
He pulled his sleep mask over his eyes and fell back into a deep slumber, but it didn’t last long. He was awakened again by the sound of cleats on the floor. Pohlad awoke and asked “Kirby? Is that you again?”
But this time it wasn’t Puckett at all. It was a tall, quiet, side-burned figure wearing a Twins jersey outlined in beautiful Kasota gold. His name, he explained, was Joe Mauer. The Ghost of Christmas Present.
Without a word, Pohlad is taken to a big convention center full of happy people. There are hands shaking everywhere they looked and happy agents calling their clients.
They were at the MLB Winter Meetings. There was Max Scherzer shaking hands with Mets GM Billy Eppler. On the other side of the room Robbie Ray shook hands with Mariners GM Jerry DiPoto. Free agents were signing at a record pace and everyone seemed to be very happy.
Suddenly, Mauer led Pohlad to an alleyway behind the convention center. Derek Falvey and Thad Levine were looking tired while picking through the offerings near the dumpster. A Dylan Bundy here, a Michael Wacha there… there simply wasn’t much for the duo to choose from.
“Thad, I don’t know what we are going to tell Mr. Pohlad if we come up empty here,” Falvey said. “I’m afraid we won’t have enough pitching for the upcoming season and if we don’t start winning some games, we might not have a job soon.”
“Don’t worry Derek, everything will work out for us in the end,” Levine said, with more than a little hint of doubt in his voice.
Suddenly, Mauer and Pohlad were standing outside of a house in Burnsville. Inside was a family of meager means and a child was opening a present. Inside was a pair of tickets for a Twins game and a Jose Berrios jersey.
“I know Berrios isn’t on the team any more son, and I know he was your favorite player. But the Twins simply couldn’t afford to pay him anymore,” the dad said. “Jerseys nowadays are so expensive but this one was on clearance so we could finally afford one.
“You see, the Twins are just a small-market team that cannot afford to pay any players. Sure, there is no salary cap and the owners have money they could never spend in seven lifetimes, but something something TV contracts.
“I worked overtime to get us two tickets to see the Twins play against the Tigers this April,” the dad said. “It was outside of our normal budget, but you have been so good and loyal that I wanted to reward you this year.”
The child thanked the dad and gave him a big hug.
“That dad works 50 hours a week to put food on the table,” Mauer explained. “He had to work overtime to be able to afford two tickets to take his baseball-loving kid to a Twins game, even though they won’t be very good this year, especially without Jose Berrios.”
He explained that sometimes people spend more money than they maybe want to in order to show someone that they appreciate them. He called this phenomenon ‘reciprocation.’
Mauer then shows Pohlad the 2022 MLB Standings. The Twins have finished with a record of 54-108.
“If you don’t change your ways, Jim, this is what you have to look forward to,” Mauer warned.
Suddenly, Jim Pohlad was back in bed and again soaked in sweat. He began to think he was losing his mind but he was so, so tired. He went back to sleep.
 
Check back tomorrow for the exciting conclusion to... A Minnesota Twins' Christmas Carol. 
 
A Minnesota Twins Christmas Carol - Part 1  
A Minnesota Twins Christmas Carol - Part 2  

A Minnesota Twins Christmas Carol - Part 1  
Jim Pohlad enters one of his many estates, muttering to himself about the nerve of his employees trying to ‘extort’ him for pitching. He hands Rudy his fur coat and takes the elevator up to his bedroom.
“125 million dollars for a pitcher… not in this lifetime,” Pohlad says as Rudy helps him into his silk pajamas. “What do they expect me to do? Sell my Porsche dealership? One of my many houses,” Pohlad asks while Rudy silently nods in agreement. Pohlad puts on his nightcap and tucks himself into the covers.
Pohlad falls asleep but is quickly awoken by the sound of cleats on the marble floor in his bedroom. He grabs his smartphone to turn on the lights, but before he can find the app his room is aglow with a backlit figure standing in the doorway.
“Rudy? Is that you?,” Pohlad asks.
“No, Jim, I am not Rudy,” the figure replies as Pohlad squints to adjust his eyes to the glowing figure in his cavernous bedroom. “I am the Ghost of Twins’ Christmas Past.”
Then it becomes clear who is standing at the foot of the bed. It is, unbelievably, Kirby Puckett.
“Kirby! It can’t be! I thought you were….well….,” Pohlad stutters.
“Dead? Remember Jim, there's heroes and there's legends: Heroes get remembered, but legends never die,” Puckett said. “I am here to show you the error of your ways.”
Puckett and Pohlad suddenly appear on Chicago Avenue during the Twins 1991 World Championship parade. Chili Davis and Jack Morris roll by in floats while the fans celebrate and cheer.
“You see, Jim, this town LOVED the Twins and all it took was a few big free agents to complete the puzzle,” Puckett said. “You could have OWNED this state if you could have kept the momentum. But you stopped spending.”
Suddenly a montage plays out in front of Puckett and Pohlad. Disappointing seasons in ’92 and ’93. The 1994 strike and Kent Hrbek’s retirement. Puckett’s glaucoma. The awful, awful seasons from ’95-2000.
Puckett reaches out and takes Pohlad by the hand. Suddenly, the room begins to spin and spin until they find themselves inside the Hubert H Humphrey Metrodome. It is 2001.
On the field, the Twins are playing against the White Sox. It is an exciting young Twins team featuring up-and-coming players like Torii Hunter and Corey Koskie. Although the crowd is sparse, it is far better than even three seasons ago. Fans seem to be getting interested in the team again after a dark decade of losing.
Puckett and Pohlad find themselves in the offices in the bowels of the stadium. 
“Is that my dad?” Pohlad nervously asks. “Who is that man he is sitting with?”
Puckett laughs and gives Pohlad a dumbfounded look.
“You know who that is, the Commissioner of baseball Bud Selig,” Puckett says incredulously.
Selig and Carl Pohlad are looking over some documents while lawyers observe from the background.
Suddenly, Selig smiles and begins to speak.
“There we have it, Carl, your team will officially be contracted before next season. The owners will buy out your stake and there will no longer be Major League Baseball in Minnesota,” Selig said.
A single tear fell from Puckett’s eye as he watched Carl Pohlad sign the contract. Jim Pohlad instantly became defensive.
“You don’t understand, the state wouldn’t buy us a new stadium! Our family simply couldn’t afford to pay for our own ballpark, we needed the charity of the citizens of Minnesota,” Jim Pohlad said.
“Ah, so you admit, you NEED the fans,” Puckett asked. “Is that what you are trying to say?”
“No, we need the fans’ MONEY. We don’t care what the fans actually think about the team as long as they are giving us their MONEY…. can’t you understand that?” Jim Pohlad seethed.
Suddenly, after climbing about 6,000 stairs, Puckett and Pohlad are in the Twins clubhouse. Players are hearing the news of contraction and calling their families confused and scared about what the future may hold. Employees are being encouraged to find employment elsewhere in case there is no team in 2002.
“That’s IT. I’ve seen enough of this and I DEMAND to go back home,” Pohlad yelled.
“As you wish,” Puckett said, and suddenly Jim Pohlad was back in his California king-sized bed.
 
Part 3 is coming soon! 
 
A Minnesota Twins Christmas Carol - Part 1 

Interior: Target Field. It is December 24th. The snow is falling. It is dark outside and the staff is working in candlelight. A Houston Astros-logoed trash can burns in the corner of the room for heat.
Derek Falvey and Thad Levine are at their desks, tired and nodding off, poring over the Bill James Handbook from 2018 and a back issue of Baseball America from 2017, looking for pitchers. Always looking for pitchers.
An old, chipped rotary phone across the room rings. Falvey stands up, blows warm air on his hands and picks up the receiver.
“Well, that certainly is a great deal for us,” Falvey exclaims before his face suddenly drops. “I just don’t think Mr. Pohlad will go for it, certainly not around Christmastime when budgets are even tighter.”
Falvey listens to the voice on the other end of the phone before agreeing to ask his boss about this proposition.  He tentatively approaches Levine and whispers into his ear. As he listens, Levine begins to perk up and get excited.  He agrees that Falvey should approach Mr. Pohlad about this proposition and even offers to accompany him to Pohlad’s office.
Behind a cracked door, Minnesota Twins owner Jim Pohlad sits at a large desk in his office. He is carefully counting receipts from hot dog sales and entering them into a primitive counting machine. There is a knock at the door.
“WHO IS IT,” Pohlad’s voice booms from behind the door.
“It’s us, Thad and Derek, sir,” Levine sheepishly replies.
“WELL COME IN, YOU ARE LETTING ALL THE HEAT OUT OF THE OFFICE,” Pohlad impatiently replies.
Falvey and Levine hesitate, with each of them wanting the other to enter the room first. Finally, Levine sighs and heads inside, trailed by Falvey. They approach the desk holding a notebook.
“Good evening sir and Merry Christmas,” Lavine says before cringing as he hears Pohlad’s response begin to leave his lungs….
“CHRISTMAS?! THE SEASON OF GIVING?! BAH HUMBUG!.” Pohlad snarls through gritted teeth. “I CAN’T STAND THE THOUGHT OF SPENDING THE MONEY I WORKED SO HARD TO EARN.
“Do you see these hot dog receipts? EVERY one of these hot dogs sold for $8. Do you know how much they cost us? One dollar!,” Pohlad said with a devilish grin on his face. “Now THAT’s the kind of GIVING I like, people GIVING me their money for MY hot dogs. I call it ‘the Target Field Experience,’” he said before trailing off into a soft cackle. “Never mind that, what is it that you interrupted me for?”
“Well, sir, you see, free agency has been really wild this year, and a lot of the top pitchers have already gone off the board…..” Levine began, but he was cut off immediately by a furious Pohlad.
“TOP pitchers? TOP?!? Haven’t I already explained to you that we cannot AFFORD TOP PITCHERS,” Pohlad raged.  “That’s why I got you the Bill James Handbook from 2018 at a garage sale. You are to find pitchers who performed well during that season and figure out how to make them good again.”
“Yes, sir, I understand, but I just got off of the phone with the agent for Kevin Gausman and he wants to sign with the Twins… it’s a Christmas miracle!” Falvey said. “He is willing sign for five years and $125 million… it’s a bargain for us---“
“ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY FIVE MILLION?! DOLLARS?!,” an angry Pohlad replied. “For ONE pitcher? Did I not just give you four million dollars for Dylan Bundy?!”
“Yes, sir, you did and that was very, very generous of you,” Levine said. “However, Gausman is a major upgrade over the pitchers we have now and a proven commodity.”
Mr. Pohlad frowned and pointed his finger toward the door. “We are a small market club, Derek, and I don’t appreciate you coming in here trying to convince me to spend money we certainly don’t have here.”
“But, sir, the fans would really…,” Falvey begins before he is shouted down by Pohlad.
“The FANS?! The FANS?!,” Pohlad yells. “The FANS are lucky to have a baseball team at all! I will hear no more of this about the FANS!
“The FANS are expected to buy tickets, a jersey to wear to the game, a $12 beer and $8 hot dog and just be happy to be outside watching baseball. ‘Your ticket to summer,’ remember?”
Pohlad stands up, puts on his overcoat and summons his butler, Rudy. Rudy emerges from a side room and helps Pohlad put on his gloves, hat and shoes. Falvey and Levine watch out the window as Pohlad climbs into his Porsche and heads to his home in Edina.
Falvey and Levine watch to make sure Pohlad is gone then carefully pack up their supplies to head home for the holidays. Falvey puts a grocery-bag book cover on the Bill James Handbook and Levine carefully puts out the fire in the Astros trash can.
“Merry Christmas, Thad, “ Falvey says.
“Merry Christmas, Derek,” Levine replies.
 
Check back for Part 2, coming soon!