Where have all the Twins Bromances gone?

There’s often discussion about clubhouse chemistry and the effect on a team’s performance, but let’s take that one step further and talk about bromances. Although, realistically, the presence of a close male pair has nothing to do with a team’s win/loss record, they can provide moments of delight in both winning and losing seasons. Join me now as I look back on the bromances of Twins yore.

Joe Mauer/Justin Morneau: Duhhhh. Joe and Justin are the quintessential Twins Bromance: One, a mild mannered hometown boy with the personality of a glass of lukewarm Kemps skim milk, the other a rebellious Canadian with a love for AC/DC. Several years ago, the two were roommates and Sports Illustrated even wrote a profile about it, which, if for some reason you haven’t read, stop everything and read it. Now.

(Twins sluggers Joe Mauer and Justin Morneau share a - 09.25.06 - SI Vault)

Pictures (Cribs: Joe Mauer & Justin Morneau - Photos - SI.com)

Seriously, so many good moments: The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, the vending machine that dispensed Miller Light and "root beer for Joe.” THE PICTURES. I don’t care if you’re a burly hetero dude, this stuff is adorable.

Of course wives and children came along and the roommates had to split up years ago, but the friendship lives on. I’m pretty sure any trade offers that have come along for Morneau have been personally vetoed by Joe himself.

Denard Span/Ben Revere: Ben and Denard, or “Benard” as I just decided to call them, were the traditional big brother/little brother bromance model. It was clear how much Ben looked up to Denard, the slightly older veteran who played the same position as him, and was just a little bit cooler. And I mean, their twitter conversations were legendary.

We agree, Trevor, we agree.

Kevin Slowey/Glen Perkins: It’s not cool to like Slowey anymore, but this is the guy that hugged every Twins pitcher when they came off the mound, and danced with R.A. Dickey’s kids in the outfield during postgame concerts. He brought a lot to the adorableness table. And he and Glen Perkins were super besties and possibly still are. Whenever one was asked about their favorite teammate, they’d always say the other. Perkins was a groomsman in Kevin’s wedding this past offseason, so here’s hoping the bromance is still going strong.

In that same era, we can’t forget Matt Guerrier/Jesse Crain the pitching pair who boasted of “holding hands as they walked out to the dugout” during the division clinching celebration in 2010. And there was also Carlos Gomez/Alexi Casilla who had more personality and energy than the rest of the Twins dugout combined.

So where are the current Twins Bromances now? Do Andrew Albers and Chris Herrmann secretly have sleepovers every weekend? Do Brian Dozier and Chris Colabello play Monopoly on the bus on the way to the game? Or have the Twins become a team devoid of these relationships and this is the reason for their demise? Ok, no, but as I’m always on the lookout for anything quirky and amusing to add spice to the season, I think it’s time for some modern Twins Bromances to make themselves known.