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1. Norm Green – Norm Green and some other guys bought the Atlanta Flames and then moved them to Calgary. The NHL later requested that he sell his shares in the Flames and rescue the North Stars and he rescued them by moving them to Dallas 3 years later. This propensity to pack up and leave has given him incredible leverage with United Van Lines. Minnesota nice is a real thing and it’s because we naturally don’t hate… it’s a rather small list of things that Minnesotans truly hate. Mosquitos, No Liquor on Sundays, Scraping Ice off your Car Windows and Norm Green is the entire list.
2. Stars in the Sky – According to estimates, there are about 1 billion trillion stars in the observable universe. That’s from an assumed average of 100 billion stars per galaxy and an assumed count of 10 billion galaxies. Making estimates like these is a very painstaking chore… you have to count them one by one and not lose your place. It is incredibly annoying to get to 994,785,641,286 and then have your wife call to ask what time you are coming home for dinner and then lose your place so you have to start over.
3. The Sun – When it comes to life on Earth there is nothing more important than the sun. Without the sun… we couldn’t enjoy hamburgers, for example, because the grass won’t grow so the cows can’t eat. Without cows and plants and all that stuff… we’d go hungry and we couldn’t survive. Not only would we be dead… we’d also be sleepy and sad all the time because sunlight has the power to stimulate a gland in our brain that regulates our sleep cycle and sunlight is powerful enough to regulate our moods. Sleepy, sad and dead is no way to go through life. Without the sun… we’d have to grow fur because it would be really cold… like International Falls... all the time. Sleepy, sad, furry and dead is an even worse way to go through life.
4. Sally Struthers – I haven’t thought about any stars from Hollywood yet in the star context and it was time. Once you make that decision… you have to decide who the biggest star is and I decided to go into that process open-minded. I cleared my head of the previous 3 thoughts to clean the slate and asked myself… who is the biggest star in Hollywood? OK, go… Sally Struthers for some unexplainable reason popped into my head first. I know she isn’t Bradley Cooper or Selena Gomez or anyone like that but she was the first person to pop into my head and that’s how this works and I’m not changing it.
5. Kepler Space Observatory – Back in 2009 NASA sent this thing into space deep into the Milky Way for the purpose of discovering earth like planets that are orbiting stars. From its position in right field… the powerful Kepler telescope has confirmed that Sano and Vargas do indeed revolve around Mauer.
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Lineups:
TWINS
Eduardo Nunez® SS
Joe Mauer(L) 1B
Miguel Sano® 3B
Brian Dozier® 2B
Max Kepler(L) RF
Robbie Grossman(S) DH
Eddie Rosario(L) LF
Kurt Suzuki® C
Byron Buxton® CF
Tyler Duffey [R) P
RANGERS
Shin-Soo Choo(L) RF
Ian Desmond® CF
Adrian Beltre® 3B
Prince Fielder(L) DH
Jurickson Profar(S) 1B
Rougned Odor(L) 2B
Elvis Andrus® SS
Nomar Mazara(L) LF
Robinson Chirinos® C
Chi Chi Gonzalez [R) P
Game-time forecast: 95 deg F (but feels like 101), clear and sunny, no chance of rain, winds at 18mph from the S. Yuck. I like warm weather, but playing baseball in it? Yuck. No.
Go Twins!
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