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  • sat·ire | (/ˈsaˌtī(ə)r/) | noun
    the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people's stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues.

    Worst Doctor We Can Find Thinks Unvaccinated Twins Are Getting a Raw Deal

    RandBalls Stu

    By RandBalls Stu

    ‘The jury is still out on this vaccine,' he said, wobbling over the putt on 17.

    Image courtesy of Unsplash/NCI

    Twins Video

    Multiple unvaccinated Twins players must sit out this weekend’s series in Toronto due to Canada’s COVID policies. While the medical community almost universally hails the efficacy of the vaccines, the worst doctor we could find thinks the Twins are getting a raw deal.

    Dr. Gary Van Lowe, a retired family physician from Chanhassen, says the players (Max Kepler, Caleb Thielbar, Emilio Pagan, and Trevor Megill)  are probably in better shape than their vaccinated teammates.

    “I was doing my own research just this morning,” said Van Lowe, “And realvaccinetruth.biz said the vaccines have little microchips in them that allows the government to turn you into a human microwave. I got right up off the toilet to see if any of that was in the newspaper. Not a word.”

    The 61-year-old, whose frequent malpractice settlements earned him the nickname “Mal” from Fairview Southdale's attorneys, said the lack of further media coverage points to a larger conspiracy.

    “I don’t think they’re doing this just to screw over the Twins in a critical road series,” said Van Lowe, nursing his “seventh or eighth” Mich Golden Light on the 17th tee box at Deer Run in Victoria. “Could it be to mess with the Vikings and Wild, too? Good luck finding that out in the Red Star (sic) from Michael Bland (sic).”

    Van Lowe, who left medicine in 2015 after a series of lurid sexual harassment accusations from fellow doctors, nurses, and the entire front of house staff at the Eden Prairie Buca di Beppo, now runs a medical consultancy firm for insurance companies looking to deny benefits.

    “The jury is still out on this vaccine,” he said, wobbling over a putt on 17. “All I know is that Betty White was perfectly healthy before she got the jab. Makes you think.”

    Van Lowe ended the interview in order to ask the beer cart driver if she needed a ride home.

    Steve "Stu" Neuman. Local copywriter, husband, father of two, inventor of the atomic bomb.
    Follow RandBalls Stu on Twitter: RandBallsStu

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    Craig Arko

    Craig Arko 13,264

  • Verified Member

    • Posted

    10 minutes ago, strumdatjag said:

    There is virtually zero scientific support for one being masked outside on a windy day not seated near anyone else.   There is a line between over-cautious and simple virtue-signaling (or possibly paranoia - which isn’t healthy).  

    I’ll mask when I need to since I fall into a vulnerable demographic. What you (or much of anyone else) think of that doesn’t enter into the thought process. 

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    Secondary User

    Secondary User 209

  • Verified Member

    • Posted

    4 minutes ago, Aggies7 said:

    I think you have me confused with someone else as I made no comments about that column or even knew it existed.

    Just decide whether this site allows political takes or not. Or make a certain section for it. Don’t put it on the MAIN page and then act like you’re shocked that people have an issue with it. Or say “oh I know him so he’s ok to post whatever”. If you’re going to troll then be ready for the reaction. 

    Vaccine efficacy is not a political take

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    Aggies7

    Aggies7 16,582

  • Old-Timey Member

    • Posted

    6 minutes ago, Secondary User said:

    Vaccine efficacy is not a political take

    Then what kind of take is it? Is it a baseball take because I’ve been told that’s all that’s allowed here outside of the “sports bar” forum?

     

    Anyway, back to work have a good day!

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    nicksaviking

    nicksaviking 26,755

  • Community Moderator

    • Posted

    31 minutes ago, Aggies7 said:

    I just asked a question, gramps. If someone is allowed different posting privileges simply because they get paid and are “known” to the site operators, then it would be fair to assume someone who donates would also get special off topic privileges. It’s a fair question considering warning points are given out for “satire” on far less controversial topics.

    What different posting privileges are you referring to? TD's stance has always been that COVID is real and dangerous and vaccination is the responsible thing to do. We have always made it clear that we would not let this place be a platform to validate and disseminate misinformation about anti-vaccination.

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    Aggies7

    Aggies7 16,582

  • Old-Timey Member

    • Posted

    3 minutes ago, nicksaviking said:

    What different posting privileges are you referring to? TD's stance has always been that COVID is real and dangerous and vaccination is the responsible thing to do. We have NEVER allowed debate to the contrary that would disseminate misinformation about anti-vaccination.

    So now a baseball message board is the arbiter of medical information and commentary and who is allowed to state an opinion? Lol get real. There are a million boards where people can argue about that stuff. A baseball team specific site should not be one of them, but I do give you credit for stating the site’s bias, I guess

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    Craig Arko

    Craig Arko 13,264

  • Verified Member

    • Posted

    4 minutes ago, nicksaviking said:

    What different posting privileges are you referring to? TD's stance has always been that COVID is real and dangerous and vaccination is the responsible thing to do. We have always made it clear that we would not let this place be a platform to validate and disseminate misinformation about anti-vaccination.

    This makes sense.

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    nicksaviking

    nicksaviking 26,755

  • Community Moderator

    • Posted

    2 minutes ago, Aggies7 said:

    So now a baseball message board is the arbiter of medical information and commentary and who is allowed to state an opinion? Lol get real. There are a million boards where people can argue about that stuff. A baseball team specific site should not be one of them, but I do give you credit for stating the site’s bias, I guess

    Yeah, I'd prefer this stuff wasn't relevant, but due to the vaccination status of several players and the weakened status of the team, we've once again found ourselves in that area where the baseball and non-baseball venn diagrams overlap.

    ****Moderator Note****

    I understand that even on more benign topics, Randball Stu's articles aren't for everyone. If this topic upsets you, please move on to another. We have plenty of other threads to talk about other things. This won't be turned into a battleground.

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    Puckettsprintstofirst

    Puckettsprintstofirst 57

  • Verified Member

    • Posted

    2 hours ago, Brock Beauchamp said:

    There's a lot of misunderstanding here. There are different parts of Twins Daily and not all of them fall strictly under the same umbrella. The front page news stories have guidelines and are managed by other owners. The forums (and, to an extent, blogs) are my domain as community manager and technical lead. The various parts of the site aren't perfectly synchronized because they're run by different people with slightly different agendas and different opinions.

    Would I personally have published Stu's story? Yes, because I believe Stu's reputation as a satirist deserves more leash; it's part of his schtick as a writer.

    Equally so, I have a community to run and cannot allow the same leeway to Random Joe off the street, whose reputation and motives have earned no such leeway.

     

    I am vaxed and believe vaxes are safe, but have no idea how you can't see the hypocrisy here.  Gives me flashbacks of our political leaders making rules the past couple years and then so often getting caught breaking those rules themselves.  Again, I will consider myself rebuffed when I see an article defending these players and mocking the provaxers.

    Anyway, that sounds pretty grumpy.  Will blame it on the Twins play putting me in a bad mood.

     

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    Squirrel

    Squirrel 37,605

  • Community Leader

    • Posted

    44 minutes ago, Aggies7 said:

    So now a baseball message board is the arbiter of medical information and commentary and who is allowed to state an opinion? Lol get real. There are a million boards where people can argue about that stuff. A baseball team specific site should not be one of them, but I do give you credit for stating the site’s bias, I guess

    No, a baseball site is not an arbiter of medical information ... but we are also not an arbiter of medical misinformation. That's the point of Nick's statement. In the forums we have removed discussion on BOTH sides of this issue ... both ... not just one, so you can claim bias all you want, but you are wrong. And we have given warning points to BOTH pro and con when they get combative, confrontational, rude (or worse) and refuse to stay to the topic. This is why we don't want to even go down this road of any comments regarding covid (or other topics such as politics and racism, etc) because the conversations become, well ... not even close to baseball related and the defensiveness and meanness and judgement and whatnot come out and it's just ugly. We want to discuss baseball, so leave your crap at home.

    But a front-page article is out of the moderators' control. As in ... we have no control what the writers write, and then we have to struggle with the fallout, especially when it appears there is a double standard. There just isn't in this case, though. Satire isn't for everyone; and some subjects of satire definitely aren't for everyone, especially known taboo subject matter. And we hate it as much as you, trust me, probably even more; yes, more, way more. And it sucks. Because people can't just 'let it go' ... they have to become 'old men screaming at clouds.' And that's when we have to step in. To try and redirect the discussion.

    You have choices. You can leave it alone and choose another baseball thread to comment on. You can discuss civilly or you can scream and rant and deal with the consequences. Or you can leave the site entirely, but we'd miss you in game threads. Your choice.

    And I'm locking this from further comment for the time being, because I'm tired and have stuff to do and I don't trust what will continue happening.

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    Brock Beauchamp

    Brock Beauchamp 39,328

  • Administrator

    • Posted

    8 hours ago, Aggies7 said:

    Do people who donate to TD get different posting guidelines than people who don’t? 

    This thread is locked but I just saw this.

    The answer is absolutely not. The differences between Stu and posting guidelines are entirely based on editorial rules versus community rules. Whether a person is a caretaker has nothing to do with it, as they are still under the umbrella of community guidelines, just like all other community members (including myself, even as a site owner).

    If anyone wishes for more clarification, I am always available via private message and am willing to discuss it with you. 

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