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  • sat·ire | (/ˈsaˌtī(ə)r/) | noun
    the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people's stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues.

    Worst Doctor We Can Find Thinks Unvaccinated Twins Are Getting a Raw Deal


    RandBalls Stu

    ‘The jury is still out on this vaccine,' he said, wobbling over the putt on 17.

    Image courtesy of Unsplash/NCI

    Twins Video

    Multiple unvaccinated Twins players must sit out this weekend’s series in Toronto due to Canada’s COVID policies. While the medical community almost universally hails the efficacy of the vaccines, the worst doctor we could find thinks the Twins are getting a raw deal.

    Dr. Gary Van Lowe, a retired family physician from Chanhassen, says the players (Max Kepler, Caleb Thielbar, Emilio Pagan, and Trevor Megill)  are probably in better shape than their vaccinated teammates.

    “I was doing my own research just this morning,” said Van Lowe, “And realvaccinetruth.biz said the vaccines have little microchips in them that allows the government to turn you into a human microwave. I got right up off the toilet to see if any of that was in the newspaper. Not a word.”

    The 61-year-old, whose frequent malpractice settlements earned him the nickname “Mal” from Fairview Southdale's attorneys, said the lack of further media coverage points to a larger conspiracy.

    “I don’t think they’re doing this just to screw over the Twins in a critical road series,” said Van Lowe, nursing his “seventh or eighth” Mich Golden Light on the 17th tee box at Deer Run in Victoria. “Could it be to mess with the Vikings and Wild, too? Good luck finding that out in the Red Star (sic) from Michael Bland (sic).”

    Van Lowe, who left medicine in 2015 after a series of lurid sexual harassment accusations from fellow doctors, nurses, and the entire front of house staff at the Eden Prairie Buca di Beppo, now runs a medical consultancy firm for insurance companies looking to deny benefits.

    “The jury is still out on this vaccine,” he said, wobbling over a putt on 17. “All I know is that Betty White was perfectly healthy before she got the jab. Makes you think.”

    Van Lowe ended the interview in order to ask the beer cart driver if she needed a ride home.

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    1 hour ago, mnfireman said:

    So points are issued, users not allowed to post and other types of punishments are doled out for vaccine comments/opinions in other threads, but owners/moderators are allowed to put their opinions into threads if it is being done as an attempt (poor) at humor. Where's Elon Musk....

    I find the write up very humorous. It isn't subtle, but it does a great job of joking about those confused over very simple issues of public health and not so simple issues of conspiratorial thinking and being aggrieved over anything that makes them uncomfortable.

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    17 minutes ago, Brock Beauchamp said:

    If it was funny, probably. I’m vaxxed and pretty cautious about COVID and know plenty of people around me whose precautions are beyond ridiculous to the point of them almost satirizing themselves.

    Satire is almost always funny when you approach the fringes of any opinion or stance. That’s the point of it, really. 

    So - Does that mean TD will pay me for my take on the couple wearing masks outside on a windy day at Target Field with nobody near them?   Pretty good material for mocking hysteria. 

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    1 hour ago, strumdatjag said:

    I’m so glad that the moderators here are not getting political about COVID - Following the examples of fairness and balance set by Facebook, Twitter, Google etc.  Keep up the good work.
     By the way, despite my oozing sarcasm, I have been very pro-vaccine here and indeed wish more efforts had been made  to approve reformulations faster to keep pace with the evolution of this virus.

     

    Funny thing is, in an early article, Twins Daily begged people in the comments not to get political and to remain respectful to all sides. And then they went and published this article themselves…

    On a serious note, it’s a good thing Correa got vaccinated so he can play in Tor he is over Covid.

    I’m vaxed and have no issues masking. However, I actually do respect the choice of others. I honestly don’t care if others get vaccinated. Even the vaccinated are spreaders so that’s not even an argument. Let them do what they want. It’s their body. Me, I can’t say I’m protected, but my odds are much better that my symptoms will be less and even better odds I’ll survive the Rona.

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    Brock, I didn’t mean to contribute to setting off a fire storm when you felt the need to comment about deleting some posts (mine included).  Some might have enjoyed what I wrote, but others might not have. Although it didn’t contain any bad words or it wasn’t critical of anyone on the TD or the TD itself, it’s your call as the moderator.  It’s a tough, thankless job.  I get it. I’m glad I’m not doing it.

    So no biggie - I’m out of this politics thread (I’m really sick of the whole damn thing anyway and there is just no upside in it - it just causes dissension on the TD and I’m mad I got suckered into it this morning by Stu’s post) and will head back to the baseball posts and focus on our Twins. 

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    37 minutes ago, Brock Beauchamp said:

    If it was funny, probably. I’m vaxxed and pretty cautious about COVID and know plenty of people around me whose precautions are beyond ridiculous to the point of them almost satirizing themselves.

    Satire is almost always funny when you approach the fringes of any opinion or stance. That’s the point of it, really. 

    I appreciate your response and believe you are sincere.  I'm new here so not sure how TD rolls, but this article seems so contrary to a warning I saw in another thread to stay apolitical.  Will consider myself rebuffed when I see a TD article mocking provaxers and defending the twins who aren't vaxed.  

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    59 minutes ago, TwinsDr2021 said:

    Not to be a jerk (and I am vaccinated) but isn't that the most common, long-term effect of getting Covid, not dying?

    Lol.   Yes that is true.    Of course it is also true of the 1918 Spanish Flu, especially true of the lesser known 1917 Spanish Flu and the Black Death plague.

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    Quote

    Point is no matter what Stu's satire is. It is a stupid rule made by the Canadians that is no longer relevant. For those that argue it is  I don't see the rule applicable in the States... because it is a stupid rule.

    This is not true.  The US requires vaccination for entry into the US meaning that anytime a player from Tornoto travels to the US, they need to be vaccinated (would they not also need to be vaccinated to get back into Toronto?)

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    4 minutes ago, Puckettsprintstofirst said:

    I appreciate your response and believe you are sincere.  I'm new here so not sure how TD rolls, but this article seems so contrary to a warning I saw in another thread to stay apolitical.  Will consider myself rebuffed when I see a TD article mocking provaxers and defending the twins who aren't vaxed.  

    There's a lot of misunderstanding here. There are different parts of Twins Daily and not all of them fall strictly under the same umbrella. The front page news stories have guidelines and are managed by other owners. The forums (and, to an extent, blogs) are my domain as community manager and technical lead. The various parts of the site aren't perfectly synchronized because they're run by different people with slightly different agendas and different opinions.

    Would I personally have published Stu's story? Yes, because I believe Stu's reputation as a satirist deserves more leash; it's part of his schtick as a writer.

    Equally so, I have a community to run and cannot allow the same leeway to Random Joe off the street, whose reputation and motives have earned no such leeway.

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    8 minutes ago, Brock Beauchamp said:

    There's a lot of misunderstanding here. There are different parts of Twins Daily and not all of them fall strictly under the same umbrella. The front page news stories have guidelines and are managed by other owners. The forums (and, to an extent, blogs) are my domain as community manager and technical lead. The various parts of the site aren't perfectly synchronized because they're run by different people with slightly different agendas and different opinions.

    Would I personally have published Stu's story? Yes, because I believe Stu's reputation as a satirist deserves more leash; it's part of his schtick as a writer.

    Equally so, I have a community to run and cannot allow the same leeway to Random Joe off the street, whose reputation and motives have earned no such leeway.

    Brock, I graciously recognised your role and its inherent difficulties. But there really is no need for you to continue to denigrate the very people who come to this site and make it what it is.  I don’t consider myself or anyone else on this site a “Random Joe” and you know nothing of my reputation or “motives” (whatever that means). I’m pretty sure if we ever met, we’d be pretty decent friends.

    You’ve made your point - the car is off the lot so there is no need to keep selling.  That’s just some friendly advice from someone who cares about this community.

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    2 minutes ago, Nashvilletwin said:

    Brock, I graciously recognised your role and its inherent difficulties. But there really is no need for you to continue to denigrate the very people who come to this site and make it what it is.  I don’t consider myself or anyone else on this site a “Random Joe” and you know nothing of my reputation or “motives” (whatever that means). I’m pretty sure if we ever met, we’d be pretty decent friends.

    You’ve made your point - the car is off the lot so there is no need to keep selling.  That’s just some friendly advice from someone who cares about this community.

    There is no denigration of users happening here. There's a difference between "there are literally thousands of users on this site, most of which I do not know personally" and "there are two dozen writers on the site, all of which are known personally by the owners".

    I'm not saying users are untrustworthy, I'm saying I rarely know if a specific user is trustworthy because there are literally ten thousand of you.

    Whereas the couple of dozen *paid* writers for the site are very well known entities.

    The difference between those groups is obvious for obvious reasons. In no way, shape, or form am I saying anyone here is "bad" or "untrustworthy" but the scope of community management is wildly different than curated content creation by a select few.

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    37 minutes ago, Secondary User said:

    This is not true.  The US requires vaccination for entry into the US meaning that anytime a player from Tornoto travels to the US, they need to be vaccinated (would they not also need to be vaccinated to get back into Toronto?)

    It's time to bring in replacement players from Guatemala, Honduras or Mexico....  Perfectly sane.

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    7 minutes ago, Brock Beauchamp said:

    There is no denigration of users happening here. There's a difference between "there are literally thousands of users on this site, most of which I do not know personally" and "there are two dozen writers on the site, all of which are known personally by the owners".

    I'm not saying users are untrustworthy, I'm saying I rarely know if a specific user is trustworthy because there are literally ten thousand of you.

    Whereas the couple of dozen *paid* writers for the site are very well known entities.

    The difference between those groups is obvious for obvious reasons. In no way, shape, or form am I saying anyone here is "bad" or "untrustworthy" but the scope of community management is wildly different than curated content creation by a select few.

    Great points and I know you never meant anything to sound derogatory. You have a tough job and you do it well. Peace my friend. 

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    3 minutes ago, Minderbinder said:

    It's time to bring in replacement players from Guatemala, Honduras or Mexico....  Perfectly sane.

    I'm assuming you understand that they won't be going to Guatemala, Honduras or Mexico to get replacement players.  Any replacement players are already playing in the United States, and have been for at least 2-3 months.

    So is it safe to assume then that you just don't like players from those countries for some reason.....

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    1 minute ago, Secondary User said:

    I'm assuming you understand that they won't be going to Guatemala, Honduras or Mexico to get replacement players.  Any replacement players are already playing in the United States, and have been for at least 2-3 months.

    So is it safe to assume then that you just don't like players from those countries for some reason.....

    To "assume" is to make an ass out of you and me....

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    1 hour ago, strumdatjag said:

    Then pay me. My sarcastic response was just as “funny” as the overpaid guy.    Can I write a paid entry about the masked couple sitting outside at Target Field with nobody near them?   They could easily be mocked based on the science.  

    How could people being masked outside away from people be mocked based on science?  Because they are too cautious?  It frustrates me to no end when people compare people being overly cautious (which poses no risk to anyone else), to people who choose not to mask or vax (focusing on their personal rights, but adding some level of risk to those around them).  "The science" never said that vaccination or masking would prevent infection.  It minimizes risk.  Period.  I understand why people would choose not to minimize risk.  We all do it, especially when it makes our lives easier somehow.  Those people who do choose to minimize risk for themselves and others, especially when it is inconvenient for them, have my respect.  I don't understand how you could possibly mock them.

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    1 hour ago, Jkeady12 said:

    Point is no matter what Stu's satire is. It is a stupid rule made by the Canadians that is no longer relevant. For those that argue it is  I don't see the rule applicable in the States... because it is a stupid rule.

    Actually, many countries, not just Canada,have the same rule. 

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    8 minutes ago, Minderbinder said:

    To "assume" is to make an ass out of you and me....

    Ah, a sophomoric response that definitely clarifies absolutely nothing.

    Well go ahead then and explain just why you picked out those three countries so we don't have to assume.

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