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  • sat·ire | (/ˈsaˌtī(ə)r/) | noun
    the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people's stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues.

    Falvey: I Will Spoil Avengers Ending If You Ask About the Bullpen One More Time


    RandBalls Stu

    The long-simmering debate over the Twins bullpen came to a head on Thursday, as a defiant Derek Falvey threatened to reveal the ending of the next Avengers movie to the next person who asked about relief pitching.

    Image courtesy of © Kevin Jairaj-USA TODAY Sports

    Twins Video

    Avengers: Endgame premieres in theaters next week, and has been the subject of much online speculation, along with requests from the studio to not spoil the film's ending. Falvey is unconcerned.

    “I know what happens,” said the Twins Executive Vice President and Chief of Baseball Operations as he addressed reporters following yesterday’s 7-4 loss to the Blue Jays. “I saw it on Reddit. You wanna dance? I’ll tell you who dies right now. I’ll call your kids and grandkids too. Try me.”

    The Twins were dogged by questions all off-season about their lack of bullpen spending. After a disappointing home series versus Toronto that saw relievers blow two games, the chatter only intensified. Falvey was having none of it.

    “Do you want to know if Spider-Man and Black Panther come back? Do you want to know if Iron Man dies? Ask me about Craig Kimbrel,” said Falvey. “I will absolutely do it.”

    Disputes over the bullpen upgrades (and lack thereof) rankled the team’s fanbase and media members alike, with unconfirmed reports of Twins Daily’s own Nick Nelson challenging ESPN’s Phil Mackey to a sabermetrics-themed rap battle at the Buffalo Wild Wings on Snelling Avenue.

    For his part, Falvey was resolute in defending the team’s approach.

    “We’re not as stable as we’d like to be this early in the season, but we like the guys we have,” said an agitated Falvey. “We’ve had some injuries. Are they the mortal injuries that Ant-Man and The Hulk suffer at the hand of Thanos? No.”

    Falvey continued.

    “Oh, I’m sorry. Did I say too much? How rude of me. I know how the new Star Wars ends too. Keep asking questions. See what happens.”

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    Damn you Falvey! You are as clever and sadistic as Khan! (I don't care if it's the wrong universe). But to add insult to injury, there is no way to shout out...

     

    "Faallveey!" and have the same effect!

     

    Damnit, I'm a Twins fan, not a miracle worker!

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    I had no idea Game of Thrones was still on? I quit watching when they cut off Ned Starks head. Oh well. I sort of lost interest in Sci Fi Super Heroes once I noticed that Superman looked an awful lot like Clark Kent did. The glasses confused me for awhile, but once I got HD tv, I saw through the ruse.

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    The attendance for the Toronto series was pathetic.  He probably has a lot more on his mind.  I think it was around 41,000 for all 4 games.  The stands look pitiful when you watch on TV

     

    Poor attendance was due to:

    1.It was cold. 

    2.They were playing a team that has no aspirations of competing this year and aren't very good so the fans figured it would be an easy 4 game sweep.

    3.The front office has no committment to winning, only competing, yes there's a difference.

    4.Tyler Duffey joined the team instead of Craig Kimbrel.

    5.Twins fans already know this team is going no where.

    6.All of the above!

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    2.They were playing a team that has no aspirations of competing this year and aren't very good so the fans figured it would be an easy 4 game sweep.

    Yes, if there's anything that will keep the fans home in droves, it's anticipation of a win. :)

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    The reason you are agitated is because you have have done a lousy job with the bullpen.  What is amazing is that he gets paid to be agitated and we have to pay to get to become agitated.  I don't like that formula.  You F'd up dude, HUGE!  You don't get to make threats, even as idle as they are...

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