#6 Joe Mauer: Hack Sony Pictures to Stop Release of "The Interview"

The great and glorious Chairman Mauer will not tolerate the shenanigans of the jealous wretches Seth Rogan and James Franco. Their thinly veiled suggestion that all glorious leaders of utopian nations be assassinated is an affront to both Kim Jong Un, Robert Mugabe, and himself. Besides, any fake interview with Mauer would need to include more use of phrases including "yeah, that's a pretty good idea..." and far less laughter.