Saw this posted on the Star Tribune twitter feed and didn't see it posted anywhere on the site:

 

Twins Warn Buxton: Triples Are "Showing Off" - Twinkie Town

 

My personal favorite:

 

"Hicks having three is just part of the learning curve," said the source. "The field staff is working with him and they'll get it straightened out. Pretty soon, stopping at second and setting up a sacrifice bunt will be second nature to him. Gotta get those runners moving."

This is satire.

 

Good satire, but satire.

absolutely hilarious!!!

This is satire.

 

Good satire, but satire.

 

I thought it was a pretty entertaining read

 

...and depressing at the same time.

This was fantastic! I liked this part the best:

 

"Doubles are good enough for Joe Mauer," said another source close to the team. "They were good enough for Kirby Puckett. If this young man thinks he's better than them? Then we have a real problem."

That is awesome.

Do you think any other front office gets as much **** about their philosophy as ours?

 

Teams may get ripped for being cheap or for making stupid moves, but I don't know of any other fan base that hates its team's philosophy like we do.

Is this the real reason why Buxton has been out of the lineup recently?

This was just wonderful.

Thank you!

What a horrible organization the Twins are to their prospects. No wonder why so many players improve when they leave the Twins. So a player should stop at second instead of taking a triple? So much for a sacrifice fly to score a runner from third.

I can see being upset with Sano but this is just plain stupid.

Taking that extra base is why Twins players are so tired when they get to third. But, happily they can wait for near forever for that sacrifice fly to get them home.

What a horrible organization the Twins are to their prospects. No wonder why so many players improve when they leave the Twins. So a player should stop at second instead of taking a triple? So much for a sacrifice fly to score a runner from third.

I can see being upset with Sano but this is just plain stupid.

 

You do realize this is satire, and that Buxton is not being benched for triples. He's on the bench because he had a toenail removed and it's still sore.

What a horrible organization the Twins are to their prospects. No wonder why so many players improve when they leave the Twins. So a player should stop at second instead of taking a triple? So much for a sacrifice fly to score a runner from third.

I can see being upset with Sano but this is just plain stupid.

 

The whole article was a joke...

What a horrible organization the Twins are to their prospects. No wonder why so many players improve when they leave the Twins. So a player should stop at second instead of taking a triple? So much for a sacrifice fly to score a runner from third.

I can see being upset with Sano but this is just plain stupid.

 

Always fun to have something to smile at. Thanks for posting it.

 

(Now let's just hope it doesn't become prophetic).

What a horrible organization the Twins are to their prospects. No wonder why so many players improve when they leave the Twins. So a player should stop at second instead of taking a triple? So much for a sacrifice fly to score a runner from third.

I can see being upset with Sano but this is just plain stupid.

 

OK, now THIS is funny!

I appreciate that darin617 took one for the team with that post. It could easily have been me. Thank you.

Edited August 2, 201313 yr by Steve Penz

You do realize this is satire, and that Buxton is not being benched for triples. He's on the bench because he had a toenail removed and it's still sore.

Wimp. Back in my day, players had whole toes removed. Between innings. And they still were expected to hit triples.

Wimp. Back in my day, players had whole toes removed. Between innings. And they still were expected to hit triples.

 

And the basepaths were uphill every way?

And the basepaths were uphill every way?

 

And we ran with our older brother's shoes, stuffing newspapers in them to make them fit. And we liked it that way!

And we ran with our older brother's shoes, stuffing newspapers in them to make them fit. And we liked it that way!

 

And it snowed at least 20 games a year but we still played.

And it snowed at least 20 games a year but we still played.

 

last I checked, that one could be true...

You people actually BELIEVE its satire??? I'm betting Buxton doesn't triple again in his Twins career!

Thank goodness they got to Buxton early and never allowed him to steal home.

Do you think any other front office gets as much **** about their philosophy as ours?

 

Teams may get ripped for being cheap or for making stupid moves, but I don't know of any other fan base that hates its team's philosophy like we do.

 

Actually, I suspect that other fan bases can be worse than the Twins base, about philosphy. I don't mind this aspect of the Twins fan base. Unfortunately, too often, there are serious comments in threads that resemble this satiric piece.

David Ortiz wouldn't stop hitting those pesky home runs. Gone.

RA Dickey started mocking pro hitters with his knuckleball. Gone.

Francisco Liriano refused to spin around and fall over after every pitch. Gone.