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Game Thread Twins @ Padres 7/30/22 6:15 PM Come To Jesus Time

Dave The Dastardly
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Dave The Dastardly Cedar Rapids Kernels

Dave The Dastardly

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Baseball's Holy Land

 

I was speechless, sort of, when I first sat down to write a game thread intro about the Padres. I mean if there is one professional baseball team I know very little about it’s the Padres, despite attending a Catholic school. So I gave my blessings to an old friend and classmate to fill in for me. Hopefully he will be my salvation. So without further adieu;


Hello faithful, this is Hari Kerry spilling his guts for your entertainment. Like the Dastard, there isn’t much I can tell you about the Padres, other than the fact they usually suck (15 winning seasons in over 50 years of competition) despite what they did to the Twins last night, and that underneath their baseball caps the players all have a round bald spot on the back of their heads. Initiation thing. Oh, and they tend to play baseball in sandals, which is a real penance when sliding into second base. Other than that they’re just like any other baseball team, they pull their robes on one leg at a time.


Coincidentally, Minnesota’s own Dave Winfield played for the Padres and is one of only three players that were willing to sanctify their Hall of Fame vows by wearing a Padres cap. Tony Gwynn and Trevor Hoffman being the other two. Winfield surprised everyone when he chose a Padres cap over the Evil Empire cap but who can blame him for wanting to get righteous after playing for New York all those years.


The current Padres have some decent ballplayers, but rather than go through a litany, I’ll just mention one of their best pitchers, a Korean guy named Sigh Yung. The Padres have already ordained him as their messiah, they even chant his name when he’s on the mound. Gotten to become quite the ritual for the fans. Fortunately the Twins won’t have to face Sigh Yung this series, he’s being converted… you know, from the bull pen to a starting role.

I’ve always wondered why we never hear of the Padres playing the Little Sisters of the Poor. Talk about a match-up made in heaven. Think of the promotional possibilities. They could do a home-and-away series and call it Holy Week: A Baptism of Fire. Of course if the Padres got whupped their fans would really become incensed and the Padre’s Front Office would undoubtedly get crucified in the press. But I imagine the Little Sisters would be happy, what with them getting their thirty pieces of silver (forty percent of the gate). Might even lose their “Of The Poor” standing.


All that aside, this Twins and Padres match-up could prove interesting. A number of baseball trade gurus have suggested the two ball clubs could (should?) be trade partners so this series could be a “you-show-me-what-you-got” and “I’ll-show-you-what-I-got” series, maybe with the teams swapping players before the Twins head home. Anyway, I bet the Twins showcase Sano and he starts every game. Here’s hoping he hits a half dozen moon shots, impresses the hell out of the Padres and the Twins leave him in southern California where it never rains; a win-win for everybody.

Hari Kerry Signing Off

Stay sharp my friends.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gmq4WIjQxp0

 

 

And, from an earlier post on the Dastard’s Blog (no extra charge)

The word down at Ichabod Crane’s Pub and Pablum: Head Cases Welcome is that Sano is to be traded to the San Diego Padres for four DisneyLand tickets, a 12-pack of 2019 Homerun Baseballs to be used only in the bottom of the 9th when the Twins are trailing and a Player To Be Named Much Later. In exchange the Twins will pick up Sano’s remaining 2022 salary in full, throw in a week’s stay at Madden’s Resort, a signed copy of “The Prospect” (in case it rains while staying at Madden’s) and a 12-pack of Grain Belt; whether it rains or not.

The local chapter of Sabermetrics is reportedly bummed out by the deal as they will no longer be able to measure Sano’s long balls… Wait, let me rephrase that, they’ll no longer be able to measure the distance of Sano’s moon shots, which played an asymmetric role in calculating the Sano Whiff Wind Rate, which in turn was used by Xcel Power to calculate the potential megawatts created by their wind generators in western Minnesota that are usually handicapped by the reverse breeze generated by South Dakota’s natural suckiness.

Ichabod’s chief bartender, Four-Finger Frank (so named for an accidental brush with a blender of Bloody Mary’s - lending truth to the nomenclature) said his regular patrons accepted the news with aplomb, which is slightly less explosive than a bomb, and a round of celebratory drinks was quickly ordered, the tab eventually provoking an argument as to who placed the order, said dispute later settled by a dart tournament that left only two customers without wounds and who agreed to split the tab rather than risk a hole-in-one.

 

Tonight’s Twins Sacrificial Lamb

“Always Sonny" Gray  5-3  3.53. 64K

For the Padres

Joe “The Mangler” Musgrove 8-3  2.63. 106K

Batting Lineups (Not Yet Posted)

Twins (A Wing And A Prayer)

Arraez
Buxton
Correa
Kirilloff
Miranda
Polanco
Nobody else gets to pick up a bat.

Padres

Only Heaven Knows

 

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Winston Smith
Winston Smith

Least we forget Pagan would have been an All Star if not for all the bad outings he had.

ashbury
ashbury

Rocco was playing the long game there. Duffey, in to pitch the ninth with a reasonably safe lead.  He gets into his usual antics, walking a #8 hitter and plunking the #9.  HR predictably comes ne

Parfigliano
Parfigliano

For Sano that few Ks in 6 games would be breaking out of a slump

CRF First Round Pick

CRF

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Back in the day...Jesus (I believe it was pronounced "Hey-Zeus"), had a 105 mph heater, a slider that broke two feet, and a straight change that would make you throw your bat in the stands. He gave up baseball, became a carpenter, and then opted for the ministry. I think we're gonna need his help to find some decent pitchers and get this team turned around. 

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bighat Cedar Rapids Kernels

bighat

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I think this is the part 3/4 through the movie "Major Leagues" when the team starts to struggle, loses a bunch of games, falls from first place and the fans say "eh, what'd I tell ya, these guys s*ck". In the movie, frustration comes to a boiling point and there's a big locker room fight which brings the team together and ignites a new winning streak.

But this ain't the movies.

Seriously, the front office doesn't really have any more time to waste before they make a trade. I know there are 3 days remaining, but if the Twins wait 3 more days, at this rate they're going to lose 3 games in the standings. They're limping along out of the break just like they have been for the last month and a half.

We're either watching the calm before the storm of the last gasp of a team that made an early run but just didn't have the talent to hold on to the lead.

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Parfigliano Draft Eligible

Parfigliano

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3 minutes ago, bighat said:

I think this is the part 3/4 through the movie "Major Leagues" when the team starts to struggle, loses a bunch of games, falls from first place and the fans say "eh, what'd I tell ya, these guys s*ck". In the movie, frustration comes to a boiling point and there's a big locker room fight which brings the team together and ignites a new winning streak.

But this ain't the movies.

Seriously, the front office doesn't really have any more time to waste before they make a trade. I know there are 3 days remaining, but if the Twins wait 3 more days, at this rate they're going to lose 3 games in the standings. They're limping along out of the break just like they have been for the last month and a half.

We're either watching the calm before the storm of the last gasp of a team that made an early run but just didn't have the talent to hold on to the lead.

On the bright side CLE already lost today

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CRF First Round Pick

CRF

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Just now, cHawk said:

Last night was a snafu. A complete shitshow. A total cluster****.

Today will be better, all! I promise!

Ok...but what about the game tonight?

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ashbury Cooperstown

ashbury

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14 minutes ago, Mike Sixel said:

I admit real surprise Beckham is up. Congratulations to him for making it back to the majors. 

Beckham at this point in his career is an exact replacement for Sano.  DH, 1B, and good luck if you have to use him on an emergency basis anywhere else.

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ashbury Cooperstown

ashbury

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4 minutes ago, ashbury said:

Beckham at this point in his career is an exact replacement for Sano.  DH, 1B, and good luck if you have to use him on an emergency basis anywhere else.

I'm also going to stick my neck out real far, and guess that this is the moment when Beckham's .522 BABIP (I checked twice!) at St. Paul comes crashing back to earth, while the strikeout rate remains high.  If I suggest .650 OPS for his stint with the Twins, who wants the Over?

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Parfigliano Draft Eligible

Parfigliano

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22 minutes ago, ashbury said:

I'm also going to stick my neck out real far, and guess that this is the moment when Beckham's .522 BABIP (I checked twice!) at St. Paul comes crashing back to earth, while the strikeout rate remains high.  If I suggest .650 OPS for his stint with the Twins, who wants the Over?

I got over

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