Skip to content
View in the app

A better way to browse. Learn more.

Twins Daily

A full-screen app on your home screen with push notifications, badges and more.

To install this app on iOS and iPadOS
  1. Tap the Share icon in Safari
  2. Scroll the menu and tap Add to Home Screen.
  3. Tap Add in the top-right corner.
To install this app on Android
  1. Tap the 3-dot menu (⋮) in the top-right corner of the browser.
  2. Tap Add to Home screen or Install app.
  3. Confirm by tapping Install.

Cleveland Finds Another Incredible Pitcher Between Couch Cushions

Featured Replies

'Oh, this happens all the time for everyone, I bet,' said a team spokesperson.

 

Cleveland’s surprise surge to the top of the AL Central has left both fans and media types grasping for an explanation. A weak division with the projected winner struggling. A farm system that’s been exceptional at identifying and developing talent. MVP work from Jose Ramirez. And finding another remarkable talent in the couch cushions.

“Terry (Francona, Cleveland Manager) was looking for the TV remote in the clubhouse couch during Spring Training,” said a team source. “He was rummaging and rummaging and then just like that, here’s (Cleveland closer) Emmanuel Clase. We ran him out there and now he’s helping us steal a game from the Twins.”

As competitors like Minnesota have struggled for decades to develop pitchers, Cleveland’s success stands in stark contrast.

“We found Zach Plesac wandering around Cedar Point, playing carnival games,” said a team spokesperson. “One of our scouts was reaching in his pocket for his keys and pulled out Shane Bieber. A clubhouse attendant bought a hope chest at an estate sale and Corey Kluber was inside.”

When told this string of obscene fortune was beyond comprehension, the spokesperson disagreed.

“I think a lot of major league teams have strapping young farmhands stop by the stadium to see if they can help with the harvest, like we did with Jim Thome,” said the spokesperson.” This happens all the time for everyone, I bet.”

Sources close to the Minnesota Twins confirmed that this has never happened to the franchise, except for when New Prague hobby farmer Junior Ortiz got lost on his way to Frattalone’s Hardware and played catcher for the 1990 and 1991 Twins. Ortiz won a World Series title before realizing the Metrodome did not have potting soil and Ron Gardenhire was not a lawn gnome.

 


View full article

I know this is satire, but how many quality starters have the Twins developed in the last 25 years? Berrios, Radke....I guess you can count Santana.

so true ..Twins just cant develop pitching.. they may get 3/4 caliber starters and spotty relievers...but never an Ace or shut down closer

 

The Twins prefer perspiration instead of inspiration. Instead of using a new colt we prefer to beat a dead horse.

Family-Guy-Fouad-laughing.jpg&f=1&nofb=1

Oh, ha ha! Yes!  Because Cleveland's success with pitching is not luck at all!  You say the opposite.  Is funny!

Create an account or sign in to comment

Account

Navigation

Search

Search

Configure browser push notifications

Chrome (Android)
  1. Tap the lock icon next to the address bar.
  2. Tap Permissions → Notifications.
  3. Adjust your preference.
Chrome (Desktop)
  1. Click the padlock icon in the address bar.
  2. Select Site settings.
  3. Find Notifications and adjust your preference.