A Minnesota Twins Christmas Carol - Part 4

[Dave Overlund]

Twins' owner Jim Pohlad has been visited by Kirby Puckett and Joe Mauer in an odd and terrifying Christmas dream. In today's thrilling final installment, what will happen?? Will Pohlad be visited once more? How will this conclude?

A Minnesota Twins Christmas Carol - Part 1  
A Minnesota Twins Christmas Carol - Part 2 
A Minnesota Twins Christmas Carol - Part 3 

Jim Pohlad is awakened yet again but this time isn’t even surprised. He has now come to expect interruption to his sleep on this bizarre Christmas Eve.

This time a man appears in a Los Angeles Dodgers jersey. Although the face looks familiar, he can’t quite place a name with it. Just at that moment, the man began to speak.

“My name is Royce Lewis, and I am the ghost of Twins' Christmas Future,” the man said. “I am going to take you to the future so you can see where your penny-pinching has gotten your franchise.”

The year is 2030. The Twins’ last winning season, 2020, was a full decade ago. Players such as Jordan Balazovic, Matt Canterino and Jhoan Duran have all since left via free agency when the Twins claimed they couldn’t afford to keep them. Lewis himself was sent to the Dodgers for a handful of minor leaguers after winning the American League MVP award in 2026.

Pohlad is shocked to see the vast emptiness of Target Field during a game on a beautiful July night. Advertising has now taken over the entire stadium like moss on a tree. Ads are spray-painted on the outfield grass, an ad is projected into the sky above left field. Even the hot dogs now feature edible advertising right there on the bun.

One thing was missing, however: the fans. There were maybe 1,000 fans in attendance and most of those were in the former Metropolitan Club, which was now a VR-based sports book used to gamble on the outcome of games.

Inside the 3M Presents DraftKings SportsBook brought to you by Target in association with Land O’ Lakes were a series of televisions, each of them showing baseball games being played in front of full stadiums.

With hockey and football both declining in popularity due to violence and head injuries, baseball has surged back into the forefront of the American sports conversation. Stadiums from Vancouver to Miami were packed full of fans, but not Target Field.

“What happened? Why is Target Field so empty,” Pohlad asked. “What about the Target Field experience? Doesn’t anyone care about the Target Field experience?!”

“The Target Field experience can only carry you so far, Mr. Pohlad,” Royce Lewis says wistfully. “When you stopped spending money on the team, the fans stopped spending money on the team.

“There are no more profits to be had and the franchise value has declined a significant amount due to poor attendance and a poor reputation in general,” Lewis concluded.

That last part, the part about declining profits and franchise value, pushed Pohlad to the edge. He finally succumbed to emotion and began to sob. He swore from that point on he would change his ways.

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"Scrooge" wakes up on Christmas morning feeling much more refreshed than he thought he would. He calls for his butler, Rudy, and announces he needs to be taken to Target Field immediately.

“But sir, it’s Christmas,” Rudy says. “You have the day off!”

“Yes, Rudy, but Thad and Derek are working today and I have some good news to share,” Pohlad said with an uncharacteristic smile on his face. Rudy offers to take his temperature to make sure he is feeling well, but is waved off by a giggling Jim Pohlad.

Pohlad walks into Target Field to find Falvey and Levine signing Christmas carols over the burning trash in the Astros garbage can. Shocked to see him on Christmas, Falvey and Levine instantly start to panic and explain why their boss just caught them singing songs and not working.

“Never mind that,” Pohlad said with a warm smile. “I have come to share great news!”

Jim Pohlad explains that he had been working the phones on the way to the office and he personally reached out to Gausman’s agent and agreed to a five-year contract. Derek Falvey instantly fainted upon hearing this and needed to be revived so he could hear the rest.

What’s more, the Twins’ owner has also agreed to re-sign Jose Berrios and has made an offer to free agent shortstop Carlos Correa. This news sends Levine into a vertigo-like spin, and Falvey helps him into his seat before he falls to the ground, dizzy from happiness.

“Merry Christmas to all! Merry Christmas Thad and Derek,” Pohlad said while handing them the 2022 Bill James handbook. “From now on, use THIS version to look for only the best current players to sign. After all, we have a World Series to win this year!

Falvey asked Levine to slap him to make sure he wasn’t dreaming. Levine happily obliged but they were still there.

“Merry Christmas to all of the loyal Twins fans out there that shell out their hard-earned money year after year after year to follow this team,” Pohlad shouted out his office window to the empty playing field below.

News of the big signings soon made their way to the internet. Suddenly, the sound of phones ringing fills the room.

The phones are jammed with Twins fans eager to buy season tickets for this exciting team. A new era of Twins baseball had begun.

 

A Minnesota Twins Christmas Carol - Part 1  
A Minnesota Twins Christmas Carol - Part 2 
A Minnesota Twins Christmas Carol - Part 3 

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[Joey P]

If only...