With Buxton Uninjured, Twins Release 2021 Schedule

“What’s the worst that could happen,” asked one club official. “We laugh in the face of danger.”Byron Buxton, Minnesota’s mega-talented center fielder, is 100% healthy as the Twins begin summer workouts. Rather than play it safe, the team pushed its luck on Thursday and released a full 162-game schedule for 2021.

“We never thought we’d be here,” said Twins GM Thad Levine. “The feeling is, frankly, incredible. We’re like a gambler in Vegas who’s way up and decides, bleep it, hit me. Let. It. Ride.”

As American sports struggle to resume regular operations in the face of a rampaging pandemic, this bold action is the latest sign that this once conservative franchise is charting a new course.

“We acknowledge that there are any number of obstacles that could derail a full 2021 season,” said Levine. “We also acknowledge that you can’t tell us anything right now. Byron Buxton has a clean bill of health! In 2020! We laugh in the face of danger. I’m asking Jose Berrios, Luis Arraez, Josh Donaldson, and Nelson Cruz to reenact every stunt in all three Jackass movies. Team-building exercise. Bring it on.”

Levine says this new philosophy extends to his personal life as well.

“Got in the car this morning to head to Target Field. Needle was on E. First of all, that’s just a guess by Honda. Second of all, everyone knows that you have 50 miles in that tank, minimum, once that light comes on. Google it. (EDITOR’S NOTE: Google results are unclear on this.) Got to the park without issue, and I anticipate I’ll get home just fine. Tokyo Drift that bad boy right to the interstate, crank (Metallica’s) Master of Puppets, and let momentum and technology do the rest.”

Levine then asked a reporter if they'd hunted "the most dangerous game. You know what I'm talking about." The reporter declined to answer.

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