Article: Game Thread: Twins v Tigers, 4/21 @ 7:10pm CT

[Riverbrian]

Our Twins kick off a three-game series with the Tigers this weekend. The last time we faced the Tigers... we were in first place. Since that time we have been re-accommodated into last place. We boarded the division, sat in our first-place seat and the Cleveland Indians security officers came around and forcibly removed us from our seat… And don’t tell me the AL Central is overbooked because it’s not.

Yeah I know… I’m stretching this... trying to make this work but continuing with it because I have no other place to go. If you follow the timeline of events, this Tigers series is where the Twins run back on the plane shouting frantically… “I need to get home.”

At least I hope the Twins are frantic about it. Eight runs in the last 4 games, we need to get home!!!

Here are some things to think about:

 

1. Flight Attendants – The last time I flew, I slipped the flight attendant $10 and asked if I could give the pre-flight announcements… She said, "Make it $20." I stood in front of everyone and said, “Before we start blasting through the skies in this pressurized tube, can you please pretend to give me your attention. The use of seat belts is required when the seat belt sign is on. To operate your seat belt… insert the metal tab into the buckle and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt… and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming… grab the mask… and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you… secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child… pick your favorite. Your seat cushions can be used for flotation… and… in the event of an emergency water landing, please swim to shore and take them with our compliments.”

2. Our Twins – We are currently in last place and just one game back in the standings. If everything goes right… we could go from worst to first in one night. Here’s how that can happen: the Twins beat the Tigers, the Rangers beat the Royals… and… the Indians and White Sox both immediately join the NFL because they will end up winning more games than the Browns and Bears.

3. The Tigers – Justin Verlander takes the mound tonight. In 2014… at age 31… Justin Verlander surprised everyone with a terrible year. While Verlander struggled, there were quite a few experts who said that he was done. These experts were very sure of themselves and very convincing in their arguments. The Justin Verlander that we once knew was certainly just a shell of his former self. In 2016, Verlander surprised everyone by nearly winning the Cy Young award. Through three starts in 2017… Verlander has an ERA of 5.71. How 'bout that… those experts in 2014… they were right.

4. Today’s Joe M Conversation
McCarthy: Hey Joe… What would you want your last words to be?

Mauer: I don’t know… I hope to come up with something worthwhile, something lasting, and something important. I probably won’t be prepared for it and it’ll end up being something like… “Get the damn dog off the bed”.

Maddon: I won’t have any last words.

McCarthy: Why not?

Maddon: My wife never lets me have them.

5. Books – A friend of mine said that he loves the smell of books. I immediately questioned if he knew how reading works.
____________________

Lineups:

TIGERS
Ian Kinsler 2B
Nick Castellanos 3B
Miguel Cabrera 1B
Victor Martinez DH
Justin Upton LF
Mikie Mahtook RF
James McCann C
JaCoby Jones CF
Andrew Romine SS

Justin Verlander P

TWINS
Brian Dozier 2B
Max Kepler RF
Miguel Sano 3B
Joe Mauer 1B
Robbie Grossman DH
Jason Castro C
Jorge Polanco SS
Eddie Rosario LF
Byron Buxton CF

Hector Santiago P

Weather: 60 deg F, some clouds, a little wind, no rain.

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[killertwinfan]

2/3rds of our outfield is batting .150, one of our bench OF is around the same. Defenses are squeezing one of our better hitters into sub .250.  Very poor clutch hitting, in general we are too aggressive at the plate in those situations.  I guess all of those things are correctable.  But prolly not tonight and prolly not in this series.  Dorthy needs to find another way.

[diehardtwinsfan]

yeah, we need to sacrifice a chicken to Jobu... 

[Blake]

RB, you're alive! Good job, as usual!

[Blake]

 

yeah, we need to sacrifice a chicken to Jobu... 

I'm well past the chicken and starting on the vodka....

[diehardtwinsfan]

 

I'm well past the chicken and starting on the vodka....

 

I prefer to drink the vodka... sacrificing it is well... quite the sacrifice. 

[mikelink45]

Thanks for the enjoyable opening.  If you did not have to state a few Twins facts the entire article might have been fun, but with the Twins reality eventually surfaces.  We have 40% of our starting rotation functioning, we have 25% of our bullpen functioning, 33% of our outfield, 33% of our lineup batting over .250 and we are in last place - I am shocked.  

 

 

 

 

[Mike Sixel]

PSA: 89.3 The Current is streaming Prince all day. I now return you to snark and bickering....and chief jokes.

[Vanimal46]

I would truly enjoy a flight attendant using sarcasm and snark during pre-flight announcements... I mean, they do the same announcements thousands of times. Have some fun with it!

[Mike Sixel]

 

I would truly enjoy a flight attendant using sarcasm and snark during pre-flight announcements... I mean, they do the same announcements thousands of times. Have some fun with it!

 

I've heard a few of them in the last couple years. For some reason, Delta shelved their video that was a bit humorous, and went all serious again. Assuming lawyers and FAA were the cause....

[Vanimal46]

 

I've heard a few of them in the last couple years. For some reason, Delta shelved their video that was a bit humorous, and went all serious again. Assuming lawyers and FAA were the cause....

 

I remember the Delta video... Now American Airlines has a video in a format where it looks like they did it all in one take. And the fake crowd sourced cheering at the end. 

[joefish]

Go T'ins.

We're going down.

I'm yelling TIMBER!!!

[sampleSizeOfOne]

Welcome back, RiverBrian!

 

Before i forget, what am i supposed to do at 5k?

[Teflon]

At 5.32, Rick Porcello's ERA is almost half a run better than Verlander's this year. That pretty much justifies Porcello's 2016 Cy Young in my book.

[Blake]

 

Welcome back, RiverBrian!

Before i forget, what am i supposed to do at 5k?

I believe you celebrate with Cardboardnay. 

[70charger]

 

I would truly enjoy a flight attendant using sarcasm and snark during pre-flight announcements... I mean, they do the same announcements thousands of times. Have some fun with it!

 

Don't they do that on Southwest? Or am I thinking of another airline?

[Vanimal46]

 

Don't they do that on Southwest? Or am I thinking of another airline?

 

It's possible. Don't fly Southwest too often.... Unless it's a trip to Vegas! 

[Vanimal46]

 

Welcome back, RiverBrian!

Before i forget, what am i supposed to do at 5k?

 

Expect an extravagant party hosted by Brock! He will be heading to your house with a home-made cake, and balloons! 

http://westwoodenabler.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/sad-birthday_edit2.jpg

 

[Riverbrian]

 

Welcome back, RiverBrian!

Before i forget, what am i supposed to do at 5k?

 

Post #5000 must contains mentions of:

 

Mac and Cheese

Why Stop Lights don't use the color Blue

And the Average thoughts of Sheep 

[Mike Sixel]

 

Post #5000 must contains mentions of:

 

Mac and Cheese

Why Stop Lights don't use the color Blue

And the Average thoughts of Sheep 

 

blue means complete. If stop lights had blue, wouldn't you be there, and not care?

[Riverbrian]

 

blue means complete. If stop lights had blue, wouldn't you be there, and not care?

 

My insurance guy claims that I typically don't care at stop lights. 

[Blake]

 

Post #5000 must contains mentions of:

 

Mac and Cheese

Why Stop Lights don't use the color Blue

And the Average thoughts of Sheep 

Blue? Why would post 5,000 need to include K-Mart? Is post 5,000 the blue light special of posts?

[Riverbrian]

 

Blue? Why would post 5,000 need to include K-Mart? Is post 5,000 the blue light special of posts?

 

I don't have an explanation. I only know that if you ignore the criteria when posting. Your left hand pinkie turns into a frog and it tries to constantly hop away but can't because it is attached to your hand. 

 

If you ever see someone with this affliction. You can't help but stare at it. 

[Bark's Lounge]

 

the Average thoughts of Sheep 

[Blake]

 

LGY.jpg

The real thoughts of sheep:

 

[Winston Smith]

 

Post #5000 must contains mentions of:

 

Mac and Cheese

Why Stop Lights don't use the color Blue

And the Average thoughts of Sheep 

I'd like to add don't say anything sexist, reference Hitler or make us use math.

[yarnivek1972]

Guess who is back in the clean up spot?

[Blake]

 

I'd like to add don't say anything sexist, reference Hitler or make us use math.

Great, there goes 90% of my commentary...oh wait....

[Blake]

 

Guess who is back in the clean up spot?

Umm, Mr. Mom?

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=La8yBDhj34c

Edited April 21, 2017 by Blake

[yarnivek1972]

It's funny looking at the lineups for tonight side by side.  Or sad, I guess.  The Tigers have 3 guys with batting averages under .170.  4 more under .220.  The best the Tigers have is Castellano's .242 and Cabrera's .226.  Not surprisingly, Tigers have more HR (14) in their lineup than the Twins (10).  But BOTH cleanup hitters are hitting in the low .200 range with 0 HR and 6 RBI.  Someone call STATS, inc.  When was the last time two teams playing each other had 0 HR from their # 4 hitter in the 3rd week of the season?

 

Looking at the head to heads, I see no real advantage.  No Twin with substantial AB vs Verlander has hit him.  And only James McCann has done much against Santiago.  Even Miggy has just 4 RBI in 25 career AB.