Article: Bizarre Foods: New Items And Prices At Target Field

[David Brauer]

As a former media critic, I’m used to playing the *******. So each year, when the local media waddles to Target Field to stuff their faces with free food and regurgitate PR, I take to Twitter to razz them.

 

The journalism ethics of tonguing the hand that literally feeds you aside, these goobers never get to the important things fans want to know: how much more are things gonna cost, and did my favorite thing get dropped?

 

Because these lickspittles won’t, I track prices and dropped items each year using the Twins’ concessions page. It always gets a lot of Twitter chatter, so at least my ego gets fed. Here are the 2017 headlines:

• Beer prices are up … by $2, for local brews! CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS CRAP TEAM IS RAISING BEER PRICES.
• The local brews are being upsized, to 16 ounces from 12. I’M SORRY I DIDN’T HEAR THAT MY TORCH IS CRACKLING.
• That means the per-ounce price is actually dropping 3 cents per ounce. OK ST. PETER IT’S SAFE TO COME OUT.
• The Butcher & Boar rib tips are gone. WHERE DID I PUT MY TORCH MATCH.
• Mainstays like popcorn, peanuts, pretzels, cones are up 50 cents. GO BACK TO THE PART ABOUT THE RIB TIPS.

I know, Mr. or Ms. Hipster, you NEVER eat at the ballpark and you ONLY pre-game beer at a brew pub, but piss off, you’re lying.

 

I’m not a huge fan of Target Field food - it’s clever on paper, but not “OMG Garlic Fries at Pac Bell” when it hits your mouth. Except for the rib tips. And the Hot Indian (which they did not take and even added a Chicken Tikka salad). My personal short list also includes Kramarczuk’s and the filling, overachieving Chicken Tenders.

 

Target Field’s beer list, like the franchise itself, once punched above its weight but is now behind places like Comiskey Park —excuse me, GUARANTEED RATE FIELD — that just debuted a new Craft Cave (eyeroll) with over 75 craft beers (eye-pop).

 

Philosophically I’m OK with the beer upsizing, and the Twins are too, looking to get an extra few bucks from the lightweights who buy just one. The one specialty beer that didn’t go up is Red Bridge Gluten Free — I’m guessing because they couldn’t upsize the bottle. We are all celiacs now.

 

A lot of food items also didn’t go up: all the hot dogs (including Kramarczuk’s), Hot Indian, tacos, chips/guac, chili, corn dogs, Cracker Jacks, seeds, cotton candy, mini-donuts, and root beer floats.

 

For some reason, Papa John’s Pizza (which is crap) and Angie’s Kettle Corn (yum), are going up a buck. The fish & chips is up $1.50 (they no longer mention walleye, by the way). No other 2016 food item went up more than 50 cents.

 

You’ll get nicked that for souvenir sodas (but not regular), bottled ice tea (but not bottled water), and Killebrew root beer (but not Gatorade, hot chocolate, or milk).

 

The cones are going up 50 cents but not the Dippin Dots THANKS TRUMP.

 

Other 50-cent hikes include the burger with fries, Tony O’s Cuban, Red Cow’s 60-40 burger, the turkey burger, Luce’s by the slice, Grande Nacho Helmet and Chicken tenders.

 

What items got dumped? Zimmern’s Korean Fried Chicken Sandwich. I like Andrew, but his stuff always seems like a 13-layer cake when pie will do. I’m still trying to wash out the grease of that pork belly thing he had a couple years back.

 

RIP Murray’s Cheese Steak Sandwich, fried pickles and loaded pretzel bits — all mercy killings. A bit sad for the Pork Chop on a Stick, but only because it’s Minnesota and a stick. Calzones seem inoffensive enough, but they are gone from the website.

 

I am mystified they killed the perfectly pleasant Pulled Pork sammy - between this, the rib tips and the Pork Chop, it’s Hogmaggedon at Target Field — but Zimmern has something called the Sloppy Ko, so maybe we’re getting the kimchee version, probably with artisan lard.

 

 

There’s also some switching. Murray’s has replaced steak with smoked beef, which let’s face it is probably easier to eat. Red Cow Poutine is missing, but it’s possibly rebranded as Buffalo Chicken Poutine. Burritos are now branded Barrio Burritos and cost $1.50 more. The $6.50 tacos are gone, limiting you to Barrio’s $9 Carnitas or Chicken version.

 

So there you have it: the news the ELITE NEWS MEDIA won’t tell you. Sometimes, it takes a jerk.

 

David Brauer used to be a paid journalist for MinnPost and City Pages

but now he tweets for free and podcasts for free at Britt &

Brauer.

 

Click here to view the article

[Otto von Ballpark]

Papa John's Pizza is the disappointing veteran of the food roster.

 

Sounds like a lot of arbitration price increases. Just wait until these concessions hit free agency!

[DaveW]

This is a great bit and a great article. I hope you stick around and become our Drew Magary.

The Twins should actually be innovative and DROP beer prices depending on how many games they are .500 at the time. Every game under? 1% off your beer tab. Sure it's going to create a lot of loose change, but at least we can save a few bucks for when they are inevitably out of it by June.

Also taking away Butcher and the Boar from the offering which is one of my current 5 favorite restaurants in the country (/adjusts monocle) is just pure madness. If anything they should have MORE of a presence. Take over that whole hideous and pointless beer garden section in left field. 

Edited March 31, 2017 by DaveW

[DaveW]

 

Papa John's Pizza is the disappointing veteran of the food roster.

Sounds like a lot of arbitration price increases. Just wait until these concessions hit free agency!

I'm just holding out hope for a mid season call up of some sushi or Korean BBQ offerings.

Tony O's has had it's success here, but I hope we can trade those cuban sandwiches for some high upside Dominican fare.

[Bark's Lounge]

Great article David! Very enjoyable.

[Hosken Bombo Disco]

I saw a corn-potato bowl on Facebook that looked good. What's the deal with Budweiser in Coca-Cola cans?

[DaveW]

 

I saw a corn-potato bowl on Facebook that looked good. What's the deal with Budweiser in Coca-Cola cans?

I think Bud is doing their "team can" concept that they did with the NFL teams this year.

I think it's genius.

[Hosken Bombo Disco]

I think Bud is doing their "team can" concept that they did with the NFL teams this year.

I think it's genius.

That makes sense, though the Twins should have insisted on Pinstrips or maybe the old baby blue unis for the color scheme

 

It's only a matter of time before a young kid takes a sip of his dad's Bud, makes a sour face, cries, and becomes irrepairably harmed for the rest of his life and a lawsuit ensues.

[Respy]

Seriously excellent overview.  Thanks.

[Richie the Rally Goat]

Fantastic review/overview!

 

I do like me some Hot Indian.

[WiesbadenDAN]

Solid info! Now I am very hungry.

[iTwins]

Hilarious read! I too am searching for my torch match after learning of the rib tip removal. 

[spanman2]

Fantastic article.  Very entertaining. 

[Nick Nelson]

Awesome stuff DB.

 

The Butcher & the Boar rib tips used to be my favorite food at the yard, but in my opinion they've gotten worse with each passing year. My sense is that it's hard to match quality to volume with a dish like that. 

 

Buffalo chicken poutine?? Hmmmm

[Mike Sixel]

Wow, a blast from the past time name (well, it seems that way to me).

 

Great writing, thank you.

 

I loved the pork belly, btw. It's pretty much my go to food item (which might be why I'm not in the best shape of my life). I agree, the food is much better on paper than in the mouth, alas.

 

Yes, the beer selection sucks compared to other places. Upsizing the beer is bad, people like 12 oz. It's a pretty obvious ploy to get money from the "I'll only have one" crowd, as you say. 

[LimestoneBaggy]

In times of great need, when we are at our darkest night, it sometimes takes one voice, one man to stand up and call the great unwashed powerful a bunch of lickspittles.....

 

Man I loved this entire thing, and my Friday at work started so craptacular....

 

Thanks David (please stick around, come for the nachos, stay for the crazies....)

[Otto von Ballpark]

 

I'm just holding out hope for a mid season call up of some sushi

I think they tried that a couple years ago...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q3b5aOelFL4

[Otto von Ballpark]

Hot dogs are still a dollar on Wednesdays!

[DaveW]

 

I think they tried that a couple years ago...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q3b5aOelFL4

So sad       

LIKE this if you cry evrytime 

[Parker Hageman]

It should be noted that our friends at 612Brew will also be present at Target Field this year:

 

[Rosterman]

Well, they have wo choices and we now know which choice they made.

 

Raise prices, because we have to still make money on concessions, but colume-wise they will probably sell fewer. The question will be WILL all these items always be available during a game and will SOME SELL-OUT before a game ends.

 

Lower Prices and make Target Field an eating destination with entertainment. Figure out a way to put fans into the stadium (the standing-room-only ticket sale - especially for a stadium with lots of empty seats was a good idea...if people go to enough games.)

 

For all the push on fan and family friendly, the Twins seem to be pushing towards an elitist crowd. Okay, sure, a family of four can come to the game and get seats in a non-beer drinking section and get a bad dog and a small pop for less that $50. But would actually like to see even more of an emphasis on the Twins, especially when families can now spread out, being friendly. The kids you excite today with baseball become the fans and patrons of tomorrow.

 

Of course, putting a baseball product on the field has something to do with that, too.

 

In some ways, the Twins need to pay even more attention than ever to their compatriots across the river in Saints-bille, who fill the stadium and offer a good variety of reasonably priced food fare. I know. Sure, I didn't always buy a ticket because I lived across the street, but many a time I walked backwards into the stadium around the 7th inning because I was hungry and wanted to partake from a rail the baseball experience. I didn't break-my-bank buying a decent three course dinner there.

 

Going to be closely watching the attendance! That the Twins are trying to sell all sorts of multi-ticket plans means they are trying to figure out a way to get money-in-the-bank ahead of time, still. The abcklash on that is that the more advanced tickets you sell -- for a bad team -- the more tickets there are competing in the market for your own single ticket sales. We know the Twins can't giveaway tickets because of major league rules (unless it is standing-room-only wandering passes). 

 

But it all becomes moot if the Twins pull off a 2015 and people actually have to buy single game tickets from them.

[Vanimal46]

Hot dogs are still a dollar on Wednesdays!

It's just not the same as a Dome Dog...

[clutterheart]

1 hotdog, 2 beers maybe a pretzel and another beer if I splurge.

 

If I want Indian food in MN I will head to Gorkha

[twinssporto]

Great article!  Thank you.

 

Butcher and the Boar is one of my favorite places in the country. It's amazing the Twins can't find a great pizza place in Minneapolis to contract with going forward.

 

By the way, maybe you should start a Twins Daily gourmet club.  Meet once a month at a unique dinning place in Minneapolis to cheer on the team. 

[DaveW]

Great article! Thank you.

 

Butcher and the Boar is one of my favorite places in the country. It's amazing the Twins can't find a great pizza place in Minneapolis to contract with going forward.

 

By the way, maybe you should start a Twins Daily gourmet club. Meet once a month at a unique dinning place in Minneapolis to cheer on the team.

Why ruin a good meal?

[Sarah]

I want to try the shrimp boil, that sounds good. I need to investigate if they still have the cucumber mint lemonade at the Andrew Zimmern stand, that was (of course) overpriced but very refreshing on a hot day. As far as pizza, they used to have Pizza Luce at the stand in the outfield - if they still have that it's much better than the Papa John's pizzas at the regular concession stand. If you want to get a whole pizza it costs about $35 - my friends still chuckle about that...although if you add up what you'd spend buying concessions separately maybe it's not quite as overpriced as everything else.