This just in...

[Doomtints]

MINNEAPOLIS—After seven years of serving Minneapolis as their state-of-the-art sporting facility, Target Field, the home of the rundown, poorly maintained Twins, said Monday it is threatening to leave Minnesota unless a new team can be built within the next three years.

 

"I love the State of Minnesota, but the Twins are an old, dilapidated club built from other teams' spare parts, and its very foundation is rotting away," the stadium said to reporters assembled in its press box. "I had every intention to stay here for the duration of my career as a ballpark, but given that I haven't seen any realistic long-term plans for improving my resident team's ramshackle condition, I would be lying if I said I wasn't thinking about taking my services elsewhere."

 

Although Twins owner Jim Pohlad said he is doing everything in his power to keep the park in Minnesota—attempting a rebuilding process every few years, making small free-agent additions, and erecting a new six-foot-tall outfielder in left field—the stadium dismissed the moves as nothing more than "a fresh coat of paint on a team that's in danger of collapsing under its own weight."

 

Taken from an old Onion article on the Pirates:  

http://www.theonion.com/article/pnc-park-threatens-to-leave-pittsburgh-unless-bett-2003

[Mike Sixel]

good stuff.

[Doomtints]

I especially like this part:

"In the event that the Pirate organization does not have the financial wherewithal to meet the park's demands, there are contingency plans in place to attract other stadiums to the city. While the league has said it frowns on the idea of putting an expansion stadium in the Pittsburgh area, some have floated the idea of bringing over old Tiger Stadium, which went into forced retirement in 2000."