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Article: Game Thread: Twins @ Yankees, 6/24 @ 6:05pm CT

Riverbrian
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Riverbrian Cooperstown

Riverbrian

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If you have ever listened to the MLB network on satellite radio, you already know everything you need to know about the Yankees. The Cubs may be the greatest story in baseball this year but they are still a distant second to the amount of time spent discussing the pinstripes. If it’s a winning year… the callers line up to talk about how great the Yankees are. If it’s a losing year… the caller’s line up to discuss things to shove up Cashman’s… umm… let’s go with nostril. This year… the Yankees are hovering around .500 and the callers line up to talk about the trade deadline maneuvers that must be done to make the team go one direction or the other because they will not stand for any of this "being in the middle" business.

They won’t sing any Jimmy Eat World in New York… there will be no “It just takes some time” or “Everything, Everything will be all right." New Yorkers want results NOW!!!

In Minnesota… being in the middle sounds nice and cozy.

Here are some things to think about:

 

1. Jan Brady – Poor Jan had some serious issues as the middle child. Younger sister Cindy had curls and that lisp that required extensive attention with speech therapists so she could be understood; and older sister Marcia was a close personal friend of Davy Jones and didn’t need braces. This caused severe jealousy issues and constant fits of rage for attention. It also didn’t help that Florence Henderson addressed her as “Hey You” or “Whatsherface.” There were a lot of issues in that house. Forcing Alice to wear that light blue maid uniform constantly was a clear attempt to keep Alice in her rightful place. Having 6 kids crammed into two bedrooms and one bathroom between them was clearly the work of an architect that just didn’t care anymore.


2. Middle Finger – The origin of extending this finger to show your displeasure did not come from New York City but they are well practiced with it. New Yorkers will display the digit so often that they have developed acute painful carpal tunnel from repetitive flicking; and in severe cases… their hands have become irrevocably deformed and they are now unable to pick up small objects. The origin actually started in medieval times. French warriors would cut off the middle fingers of British archers since it was the finger that was used to draw back the bow. The replacement archers started to display their middle finger to defiantly show the French that they were able to fire and then did. This backfired on the English because the gesture served as sufficient warning that arrows were coming and they simply moved to the left.


3. Stealers Wheel – Gerry Rafferty attended a music industry party. The conversations and events of the evening were so excruciating that he was inspired to write the line “Clowns to the left of me… Jokers to the right… Here I am… Stuck in the Middle with You.” I’ve been to a few of these and they haven’t changed over the years; and you spend the night half-listening to conversations while thinking up plausible excuses to leave. I was able to escape one of these events by using the excuse that I had to leave the party and its distractions so I could focus my mind in order to come up with a decent excuse to leave.


4. The Middle Ages – The period of time from the 5th Century to the 15th Century is what we call the “Middle Ages.” Statisticians, through exhaustive research, have recently concluded that this may be a misnomer because Cro-Magnon Man built the first Wal-Mart in 30,000 B.C.


5. The Story Arc – The Middle is very important to the structure and flow of the story. Writers have a strict formula that they follow that is referred to as a Story Arc. A beginning that shows the world before it changes… an inciting incident that compels the hero to action... the middle or mid-point that is very important because that is where the tables turn... the back half of the story that is usually the antagonist looking like he is going to win... which leads to the climax that is the deciding battle between the hero and the villain and finally… “The End” which is usually a big graphic in a unique font that says “The End." It should be obvious to all that our General Manager Terry Ryan does not follow this Arc when building the Twins because our hero is still looking out his office window waiting for the inciting incident to force him into action. It should also be obvious to all that I do not follow this established arc when I write because that would require actual thought and this is how it ends…

THE END
____________________

Lineups:

TWINS
Eduardo Nunez [R) 3B
Robbie Grossman (S) LF
Joe Mauer (L) 1B
Brian Dozier [R) 2B
Max Kepler (L) RF
Eduardo Escobar (S) SS
Byung-ho Park [R) DH
Kurt Suzuki [R) C
Byron Buxton [R) CF

Tommy Milone (L) P

YANKEES
Brett Gardner (L) LF
Rob Refsnyder [R) 1B
Carlos Beltran (S) RF
Alex Rodriguez [R) DH
Starlin Castro [R) 2B
Chase Headley (S) 3B
Didi Gregorius (L) SS
Aaron Hicks (S) CF
Austin Romine [R) C

Masahiro Tanaka [R] P

Game-time forecast: clear, sunny 76 deg F, no rain in sight, winds at 9mph from the SE.

Let's go, Twins! Beat those damn Yankees!

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Riverbrian
Riverbrian

If you have ever listened to the MLB network on satellite radio, you already know everything you need to know about the Yankees. The Cubs may be the greatest story in baseball this year but they are s

USAFChief
USAFChief

My friend slept with a woman last night who cooked him pasta for supper.   ...   She gave him carbs.   ...     ba dum tsch

ashbury
ashbury

Concurs:  

Vanimal46 MVP

Vanimal46

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"Having 6 kids crammed into two bedrooms and one bathroom between them was clearly the work of an Architect that just didn’t care anymore."

Correct. With a family of 9 in a 3 bedroom 1 bathroom house, clearly he designed the existing square footage wrong. No family of 9 gets along in a 1 bathroom house...

Sure they showed the life lessons learned, and the good times the family had. What DIDN'T they show?? Well, how about those mornings when Marsha needed the bathroom mirror to brush her hair 100 times? Meanwhile Jan needed to shower, Peter needed to shave, and Mike needed to spend some time reading the newspaper if you catch my drift. All before they had to be dropped off at elementary, middle, and high school.... I'm calling shenanigans here. 

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wsnydes St Paul Saints

wsnydes

Community Leader
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"Having 6 kids crammed into two bedrooms and one bathroom between them was clearly the work of an Architect that just didn’t care anymore."

Correct. With a family of 9 in a 3 bedroom 1 bathroom house, clearly he designed the existing square footage wrong. No family of 9 gets along in a 1 bathroom house...

Sure they showed the life lessons learned, and the good times the family had. What DIDN'T they show?? Well, how about those mornings when Marsha needed the bathroom mirror to brush her hair 100 times? Meanwhile Jan needed to shower, Peter needed to shave, and Mike needed to spend some time reading the newspaper if you catch my drift. All before they had to be dropped off at elementary, middle, and high school.... I'm calling shenanigans here. 

Can you imagine the reality TV show that could be made out of the Brady Bunch?  I'm guessing that my wife would never stop watching it.  I think I'd rather she kept watching the endless string of wedding dress shows on TLC though.

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HitInAPinch Ft Myers Mighty Mussels

HitInAPinch

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"Having 6 kids crammed into two bedrooms and one bathroom between them was clearly the work of an Architect that just didn’t care anymore."

Correct. With a family of 9 in a 3 bedroom 1 bathroom house, clearly he designed the existing square footage wrong. No family of 9 gets along in a 1 bathroom house...

Sure they showed the life lessons learned, and the good times the family had. What DIDN'T they show?? Well, how about those mornings when Marsha needed the bathroom mirror to brush her hair 100 times? Meanwhile Jan needed to shower, Peter needed to shave, and Mike needed to spend some time reading the newspaper if you catch my drift. All before they had to be dropped off at elementary, middle, and high school.... I'm calling shenanigans here. 

Marcia naked.  I was always waiting for that. 

 

Stinkin' TV censors......

 

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David HK Ft Myers Mighty Mussels

David HK

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Keep losing at this point.  May as well get the first pick in the draft. 

I concur with that sentiment.  We're well in the lead in that race so far, why give up now?

 

But---  I reserve special animosity for that club from the Bronx.  Even if it costs the #1 slot to the Braves, I want them to go in there and beat the living hell outta dem Yanks.  

 

I know, I know, pie in the sky.  Pipedream.  But the Senators did it in Damn Yankees, maybe one of the Twinks will turn into Shoeless Joe just for this one series, so we can Moider dem Yanks.  Show of hands?

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Blake All-Star

Blake

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5. The Story Arc – The Middle is very important to the structure and flow of the story. Writers have a strict formula that they follow that is referred to as a Story Arc. A beginning that shows the world before it changes… an inciting incident that compels the hero to action. The middle or mid-point is very important because that is where the tables turn. The back half of the story is usually the Antagonist looking like he is going to win which leads to the Climax… and that’s the deciding battle between the hero and the villain and finally… “The End” which is usually a big graphic in a unique font that says “The End. It should be obvious to all that our General Manager Terry Ryan does not follow this Arc when building the Twins because our hero is still looking out his office window waiting for the inciting incident to force him into action. It should also be obvious to all that I do not follow this established arc when I write because that would require actual thought and this is how it ends…

 

You forgot a very important part of the Story Arc: The big reveal. There's always a climactic "reveal" designed to explain who, what or where.

 

For instance: "Luke, I am your father!"

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jimmer Wichita Wind Surge

jimmer

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The Brooklyn Bullies.  Man, oh man.  From Gardy (when he was here,managing) to the announcers.  The pedestal they put the Yanks on and the fear they have of the Yanks is embarrassing.  Then again, with this team, I should be used to that feeling.

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